Outside the Box
by SexyLexiCullen
Summary: This is just your basic New York City love story. Crappy apartments, menial jobs, and low standards place Bella Swan in the pathway of love. Rated M. Canon couples with my usual OOC cast. AH. eventually E/B. Ficlet.
1. They shoot single people, don't they?

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**RATED M FOR ADULT CONTENT.**

**This first chapter is beta'd by HollettLA. **

**Please Enjoy!**

**"Outside the Box"**

**Chapter One**

**They Shoot Single People, don't they?**

**M**y feet were dragging, and my head was aching as I let myself into my apartment. It had been a long day at work, and I really needed a drink. No thanks to those badass fucking kids. I'm a kindergarten teacher at a private school here in New York City. The pay is okay, but not nearly enough to live in this godforsaken city.

Yeah, it's a shit-hole.

I know what you're all thinking. I thought the same when I wanted to escape a smaller shit-hole over in Washington State.

_"New York City! Wow! That place is so cool!"_

No.

It's an overflowing metropolis filled with the rudest fuckers on the planet.

The apartments are crappy, too.

I remember thinking I'd get this loft, have loads of space, and maybe pick up painting . . .

No, again.

I have a one-bedroom apartment. When I watch television, I am usually armed with a flip-flop.

Killing cockroaches has turned into a sport of sorts.

It's a common misconception. You watch television and see that favorite character of yours who lives in New York City. The one who has a great apartment, wears trendy clothes, lives on the Upper East Side, and, yet, works a minimum wage job—as like a barista at Starbucks or the cashier at Trader Joe's. Keep in mind that it's all phony. Unless, said minimum wage slave with the nice clothes moonlights as a prostitute at night.

That could happen.

I've thought about it, but with my luck Benson and Stabler would catch me. They'd put a stop to my trick-turning fast, and then uncover that my pimp, Tito, runs an underground slave ring.

_No. That was last week's episode._

Cradling my head, I stared at the bottle of vodka on my coffee table. Not only will I have the _Law & Order_ theme song stuck in my head now for hours, I will have to drink warm vodka.

I needed ice.

Too bad, I made a beeline for the couch and didn't plan on moving in the immediate future. I was just THAT tired.

After giving myself twenty minutes to be lazy, I rose from the couch. It was already ten after six. It was getting late, and unlike most Friday nights, I have a date. Yes, this pitiful existence I call life was looking better already.

When my friend Rose told me she knew the perfect guy for me, I didn't believe her. I still don't. She set me up on some blind date, like you see in movies. One can only hope that my Lifetime melodrama will turn into a romantic comedy.

I'm lying.

My life is not a melodrama.

It's dreadfully boring.

My usual Friday nights include, but are not limited to: watching television, masturbating, and checking my Facebook page numerous times. All while I flip my middle finger to those with interesting status updates.

I'm a hater, too.

And why the fuck would you check Facebook if you're out having a good time?

Anyway, I'm looking at this blind date as free dinner, nothing more and nothing less. It's stupid to get my hopes up.

Why is it stupid?

Well, you asked for it.

Well, no. I'm trying to tell a story here, so I might as well just give it to you. I'm sure you all like plot and such.

Wrong again. There really is no plot. I'm boring. I'm not that deep or complex either. I'm average looking at best with a nice rack. I have brown hair and brown eyes, and I am a cynic.

_Every man's dream._

I had an all right childhood, followed by an awkward adolescence. Maybe one day I'll get into that or why they called me Skid Mark in high school.

_Gotta build that angst._

I also have loving parents, who wish I would go out, forget my name and get laid—or get married and give them grandchildren.

They are very supportive.

I'm not damaged.

I'm boring.

What was I talking about again? My blind date, right.

As per Rosalie, Exhibit A—my blind date—is a colleague of hers. He is a lawyer, whereas she is a paralegal, but it's not about Rose.

Rose doesn't shit where she eats, so she's pushing her co-worker off on me. Supposedly, he's gorgeous, thirty-two, has never been married, and has no kids.

Yeah, I'm sure you're all thinking EXACTLY what I am thinking: successful, good looking, single, has no kids—what the fuck is wrong with this guy?

There has to be something wrong. Perfect, single men in their early thirties simply do not exist unless they are damaged or highly fucked-up in some circus freak type of way.

I have no idea.

Fully prepared, I have a can of mace and a right hook, if he's some kind of pervert. If he's my wet dream, and I'm suddenly the luckiest bitch on the planet, I'll shave my legs.

/=/=/=/

After swatting a cockroach with the latest edition of _OK!_ magazine, I dragged my tired ass into the shower. I washed, shaved my legs, did some pube maintenance, and then rushed to blow-dry my hair.

I kept it simple, styling my bangs to the side and leaving it straight. Then I put on some makeup to make my dull features more pronounced.

To be clear, I don't have self-esteem issues. I just tell it like it is.

Since this dude is a lawyer, I thought I'd go with casual, yet sexy attire; meanwhile, I looked as though I was going to a job interview. I must really want this job because I was showing some tit.

I wore a white short-sleeved button-down blouse with a tight, black vest over it along with a black pencil skirt and some high heels.

Looking at the final result in the mirror, I decided I'd lie. I'll say I came straight from work. Being dedicated to your job is always a good attribute, right?

"Fuck it." I gave myself the middle finger in the mirror and then spritzed some perfume in the air, so I could walk through it. Then I put some behind my ears, on my wrists, and gave one quick spray to the cooter before I walked from my bedroom.

Getting laid in this city is like its state lottery.

_Hey, you never know._

/=/=/=/=/

When I entered the Midtown bistro, my head whipped to and fro. I gazed at the tables nearby, looking for a single gentleman. Sadly, I came up short.

"Can I help you?" The hostess asked.

I nodded. "I'm here to meet—uh—um." I felt like such a dumbass as I dug my cell out of my purse. I went to the last text message Rose sent me.

_Be nice to Emmett. He's a good guy—Rose._

"Emmett!" I stated proudly while I still stared at my phone. His number from where he texted me earlier to meet him here was not set in my phone. I felt dumb asking what his name was via text.

"Emmett?" she questioned.

I shrugged, wondering what the problem was. Emmett isn't exactly a common name. It's not like I said Jose or Mike. Who the fuck names their kid Emmett?

"McCarty?" she questioned again.

I shrugged again. "Yeah, sure." I figured I'd take a quick peek, and if he's busted or not the Emmett I was to meet, I'd hightail it out of here. Rose said he'd be wearing a blue, pinstripe suit with a yellow shirt. That I remembered. He, too, was coming from work.

I also like me some pinstripes.

"He's here already—I'll show you to the table." She gave me a saccharin smile and came from around the podium.

I followed her into the dining room, and as soon as she stopped, my heartbeat sped up. My eyes landed on Emmett and fuck me sideways if he wasn't a total babe. He rocked those pinstripes. He had broad shoulders, short black hair, and when his eyes landed on me, they twinkled—I swear to God they did. Plus, he smiled widely with two rows of perfect white teeth and a dimple on each cheek. Did I mention he had blue eyes?

"Here you go. Your server will be with you shortly." The hostess pulled out my chair, and bless his sexy heart, Emmett stood up while I sat down.

"Hello." He had a very deep voice.

"Hi." I swallowed and looked to my place setting.

"I'm Emmett." He reached to shake my hand.

"Bella," I replied, not wanting to give his hand back. It was huge and his fingers looked like small dicks hanging from his palm. I wondered how big his actual dick was.

"Rose said you were beautiful." He smiled.

I snorted. "Lies. All lies." My snort turned into a chuckle. "She told me you were..." I stopped talking. We can have bread before I embarrass myself.

"Right." He nodded. "Would you like a drink?"

My ears perked up. "Several. If that's cool with you."

He laughed. "Awesome."

I grinned to myself while I looked at the menu. This wasn't so bad. Sure, we both have that awkward wave around us because we don't know each other, but he's hot. At that moment, I looked back to him as he studied his menu.

What the fuck is wrong with him?

"What are you getting?" I asked. "I've never been here before."

"T-bone. They have some great steaks." He flashed me a Colgate smile while I wondered how sexy he'd look gnawing said T-bone to the bone—or me. "What are you leaning toward—I'm sorry." He slumped his shoulders. "This is weird. Look, I don't usually go on blind dates." He scratched his brow.

"Me neither." I rushed out.

He nodded. "That's what they all say..." He smirked, and I squirmed in my seat. I began to think him perfect. No, that's not possible, but I really wanted it to be. "So you're twenty-nine." He picked up a bread stick. "Gorgeous. You have no kids, and you're single—Oh, and you're in education, right?"

I shrugged. "Sort of. It's glorified day-care with minimal learning. As long as the kids are alive at three, I've done my job."

"Pre-K?"

"Kindergarten." I giggled. "But I live for those kids," I lied.

_Those loud little assholes give me migraines._

"And you like kids, too...So what's wrong with you?" He leaned toward me. "Crazy ex-boyfriend? Are you bipolar? What?" He laughed.

I laughed too, and wanted to run off into the sunset with him. "Um...I don't get out much, and...I'm eternally cynical with a potty mouth." I was honest, and it felt wonderful. "I shouldn't be teaching kindergarten either, but I guess that's a given. What's your deal?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Work takes up a lot of my time, and I've been extremely unlucky in the female department, landing one, specifically. It just never seems to work out." He looked pensive.

"Huh..." I nodded.

"Good evening," the waiter said.

I turned to smile at him. Then I looked back down to my menu. Our waiter was gorgeous, extremely gorgeous in that ruggedly handsome way. Then I had to glance back up to him. He was just—wow.

_When I rains, it pours..._

I really need to get out more often.

He had green eyes, auburn hair, stubble on his chin, messy hair that looked fucked up, and yet it was perfect. He had high, chiseled cheek bones, a strong jaw, and what looked like a lazy crooked grin that might just be permanent.

"I'm Edward, and I will be your server for this evening. Can I start you off with some drinks?" He smiled at my tits.

My smile became wider, and I sat up straight.

"Bella?" Emmett asked.

"Oh—right." I bit my lip. "Grey Goose and cranberry juice for me," I said.

"I'll have a—" Emmett's phone rang while he searched his pockets for it. "Glenfiddich neat, please."

"Great. I'll be right back with those." Edward hurried away. I tried not to watch him go but it was hard. He had a nice—

"I'm sorry; I have to take this—Mom?" Emmett answered his phone. Then he shook his head smiling while he waved to it, like _"Mothers, you know?"_

I threw out a fake laugh and waved my hand too, like _"Yeah I get it"_. 'Cause it's perfectly normal for your mother to call you while you're out on a date.

"I'll be right back," he mouthed, standing from the table. "No...I'll be home early." I heard him say as he walked away.

"Jinkies," I mumbled to myself. I cracked the case, like that nerdy bitch Velma.

I figured out Emmett's flaw. He lives with his mother.

"First date?" Edward asked as he placed our drinks down.

I went for mine quick to gulp some down. "How could you tell?"

"I've been a waiter for a while. You can tell. You're all tense and wide-eyed—I can feel the anxiety coming from you. And your date, well—he looks exceptionally boring and nervous as well."

"We're a match made in heaven, actually." I smiled up to him. "I have high aspirations for him."

"Oh really?" Edward folded his arms across his chest.

"Yeah, he's good enough to be my first baby daddy. Don't you think?" I winked.

He winked back down to me. "I think you could do better than that. I'll be back for your orders shortly."

I gave him a salute and sipped my drink. "Hey, Edward." I caught him before he could get too far. "Bring me another one?"

He nodded, while I sipped my drink some more.

I swear. I am not an alcoholic. This isn't one of those stories either. I just really needed more booze.

"Sorry about that." Emmett came back to the table. "She just likes to keep tabs." He sat down.

"You—uh, live with her?" I asked.

"Oh God, no." His eyes widened.

I blew out a breath. "Oh..."

"She just likes to keep tabs—calls every Friday. That's all." He sipped his drink. "Damn. I needed this." He took another sip. "Are you close to your parents?"

I shook my head no. "Not really—they stay out of my way, and I them. We're good though."

"Are we all set?" Edward came back to the table. He grinned down at me, and I found myself smiling back.

"Are you ready to order?" Emmett asked.

I nodded. "I'll have the grilled chicken and the baked potato. A salad with ranch, and oh! Broccoli." I looked to Emmett. "I like broccoli." And I was officially even more boring than earlier, if that was possible.

"T-bone. Medium. Side of fries," Emmett said.

"Can I interest you in an appetizer?" Edward asked.

I shook my head no.

"Do you like shrimp?" Emmett asked.

"Um...yeah, I guess." I nodded.

"Cool—two shrimp cocktails." He smiled at Edward.

After that it went right back to boring and informative. Emmett spoke about his job a lot. He's currently working nearly eighty-hour weeks. He hopes to become a partner in the near future and has a full case load. He's a defense attorney, and I blocked the rest out when Edward distracted me by bringing another round of drinks to our table.

Then we spoke more about our families over shrimp cocktails and my salad. Emmett's father owns a construction company out in New Jersey, where he is originally from, and his mother is a homemaker.

I briefly described the small shit-hole town of Forks, Washington, my summers in Phoenix with my mother, and my father, Forks' chief of police.

Then I lied and told Emmett I had a lesbian experience my freshman year at Washington State. He's as boring as dog shit—I'm not good at analogies—but I'd totally fuck him anyway. He's hot like that, so I tried to up the ante and look adventurous. There's no need for me to go into what really happened. My freshman year of college truly consisted of studying, beer, and horrible sex with a few morons.

"...that Sheldon is a really funny guy." Emmett guffawed. "Promise me you'll watch it."

I laughed politely. "What's that show called again?"

"_Big Bang Theory_," Edward said, placing our plates down.

"You watch? Isn't it hysterical?" Emmett asked Edward.

Edward nodded. "I hope it's all cooked to your liking. I'll be back soon to check on you."

"He's a cool guy," Emmett said as Edward left the table. "I'll be sure to leave him twenty percent—or maybe eighteen since he keeps checking out my date."

"Nuh-uh," I laughed, and wished I had more than a twenty dollar bill or some change. If Emmett doesn't leave a good tip, he's not getting any from me. Then I started eating again, in hopes we could have a little quiet time.

Being a boring, cheap tipper is not the worst thing in the world. He was still doing well. The conversation was still forced it seemed, and I wished we could get out of here.

"How's the chicken?" he asked, just as his phone started ringing again. "Dammit." He placed it to his ear. "Hello? No, I'm busy at the moment—can't you—No, no—No!"

I knitted my brows together as I stared at him.

"You're serious? Fuck—Oh, excuse me." He looked to me. "Not, not you—I can't believe this—all right. I'll be there in twenty."

That had my attention. I stared at him, wondering what was going on.

"I—I—I'm sorry." He wiped his mouth with a napkin. "I have to head back to the office. My associate uncovered—"

I put my hand up, finding this amusing. "It's fine. This is boring, so you had a friend call with an excuse. I get it. No worries." I downed the rest of my drink.

"Oh...fuck. Bella, that's not it at all. I wish I could go into detail about why this is so important, but I can't—I'm so sorry."

I laughed. "It's fine."

"No...it's not fine." He grasped my hand. "Tomorrow night. We'll do this again. You, me—wherever you want to go. Wait—I have Yankee tickets for tomorrow. I was going to take my buddy, but fuck him. Do you like baseball?" He looked so nervous, so genuine, and still so damn sexy. I believed him. He really didn't want to go.

"I do. Baseball is cool." I said.

"Great!" He seemed relieved. "I don't have to wear a tie either." He pulled his. "Rose gave me your number, so I'll call tomorrow? The game starts at seven. Um...we can try dinner again before?"

I nodded. "I'd like that."

"Thanks, beautiful." He bent low to kiss my cheek. "I'll call you tomorrow." He stood straight and then counted out a few bills to throw on the table. "Stay—finish your dinner." He ran his thumb along my cheek before he walked away from the table.

I sighed, staring down at my food. Then I flagged Edward down. He came over to the table with a look of concern etched on his face.

"That was short," he said. "Let me guess. Something urgent came up, and he said he'd call tomorrow?"

"What are you? Like the Freud of first dates?" Okay, so that made no sense to me too. "I'd like to wrap up these dinners please." I sipped my drink, making that unattractive slurping noise with the straw.

"The T-bone as well?" he asked.

I nodded. "He barely touched it. And I live off a teacher's salary—so...bag it up." I tilted my head back for the last drop of alcohol. The ice came to hit me in the face, but I didn't care. I managed to get that last drop of Goose.

"You're a teacher?" he asked.

I nodded.

"Me, too." He smiled. "I work here Fridays and Saturdays to pay my car payment."

"What grade?" I got excited. We teachers are a rare and dying breed. Not to mention that we're also sick fucks.

"I teach 9th and 10th grade English."

I snapped my fingers. "I'd kill for a gig like that—kindergarten." I pointed to myself.

"Where?" He asked.

"Thornton—it's uptown."

"That preparatory school? It costs an arm and leg to go there, and yet they can't give out a decent salary?" He shook his head.

"It is what it is, and I don't have a car. I take the subway and have limited needs, so I'm good. Where are you?" I looked around, wondering if he was busy. While we spoke, he actually took Emmett's abandoned seat.

"A. Philip Randolph. It's uptown, too. In Harlem."

I winced. "Public school?" Then I let out a chuckle. "Are you a hero there? The cool, young teacher who will shape the minds of tomorrow?" I continued to laugh. "You're really here to make money for school trips, so that maybe you can make a difference?"

Then I sang the opening bars to Coolio's "Gangsta's Paradise" in my head.

"That movie _Dangerous Minds_ completely changed my life," he said sincerely.

I nodded. "I totally get it. That's a deep movie."

He laughed. "No. That's bullshit. I don't give a damn about those kids. My goal every day is to live till three and make it to the subway without getting jumped." He sighed. "I started out that way, though...wanting to actually teach, but those kids don't pay attention. I try everything." He sat back.

"Hey buddy," some dude from a neighboring table shouted. "Can I get some ketchup?"

Edward turned to grin. "No."

I snorted a laugh.

"Just kidding." He handed over the ketchup from our table.

"You're a New Yorker, I'm guessing," I said.

He nodded. "Born and raised. And you're from Washington, right?"

I sat back. "Were you spying on my date?"

He shrugged. "I kept waiting for him to fuck up, so I could swoop in and save the day. Then I'd dazzle you with my charm and wit." He winked. "How am I doing?"

I pursed my lips. "Not very well. You've yet to offer me another drink, and you haven't said shit about my outfit." I gestured to my clothes.

He fought a smile while he leaned in close. "I get off in two hours, and then maybe I can buy you a drink." He pushed some hair away from my cheek. "And that outfit? It would look better on my floor."

This guy was killing me. How did he know that I go bananas for cheesy innuendos? "That was horrible," I lied.

He leaned back. "It was," he agreed.

"Where should I meet you?" I asked.

His eyes riveted back to mine, and then he smiled again. "How 'bout I pick you up?"

"This is New York City," I said. "Tell me more about you, and then maybe I'll tell you where I live—first date basics. Ready, set, go!" I laughed.

He nodded. "Okay, I'm thirty, recently divorced. I share a two-bedroom apartment with my best friend—that's a lie." He waved his hand. "Sorry. He has a one bedroom, and I sleep on his couch. I'll be moving in with my sister this week, though. Not like that's any better. Um...I play the piano at open mic nights all over the city. I have maybe fifty bucks in my bank account, and I'm relatively harmless." He looked down. "I barely have my shit together." He went to get up to leave.

"Family?" I asked. "Did you hear about mine?"

His cheeks flushed scarlet. "I couldn't help myself. Um...my father is chief of surgery over at Mount Sinai, and my mother is a perpetual ball-buster. My sister works at some law firm, wasting away her potential, just like me. Unfortunately for my parents—we're a disappointment." He shrugged.

"Join the club," I giggled. "Could be worse though, right? I could have totally been a hooker and you a crackhead. Why'd your marriage fall apart? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"We were together eight years, and then she found out she liked pussy just as much as I do."

"Ouch." Note to self: don't lie about steamy, noneexistent, co-ed experiences. "You're just fucked all over aren't you?"

He raised his eyebrows. "It was worth a shot." He looked down. "Take care of yourself...I'll grab your check."

I placed my hand on his. "287 West 119th Street, just off of Claremont," I said. "Apartment 1A." I ran my hand up his forearm. "I'm sure you're familiar with the area. You want my number, too?"

"Fuck yeah..." He stared at my lips while he licked his. Then he snapped out of it so we could exchange numbers.

He may not have much going for him financially, but he was so damn good looking he made my stomach ache. I was ready to screw him when he was just a waiter, but now that he's a starving teacher like me, I wanted him even more.

"Do you believe in love at first sight?" he asked.

I shook my head no. "No."

"Neither do I." He stared at me.

I pulled him closer. "I believe it takes a few nights." I stood up, using him as leverage. "We should work on that."

He stood up too. "Definitely." He gulped.

I pointed to the money on the table. "Should be all there—we'll work on a tip later, too." I ran my finger across his chest.

"Fuck," he breathed.

"I'll see you soon, Edward." I grabbed my shit and didn't bother with the leftovers. As I walked toward the exit, I swayed my hips a bit too and refused to turn around. I knew he was watching me, and that made me smile so wide. I didn't feel boring.

Truth be told, I felt sort of superior. I may not have a lot of money, but most of my ducks are in a row, and I have my own apartment.

/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/

I used the twenty I had to take a cab home.

As soon as I got home, I ran around the apartment and tried to tidy the place up a bit. Just as I was about to attack the sink full of dishes, my phone rang. It was Rosalie.

"How'd you know I'd be home?" I asked.

She scoffed. "I was called into work. The whole firm is here for that high profile case I was telling you about. Also, Emmett asked me to call. He feels like shit—but it's true. He had to come in. Whatever they found is going to win us the case."

"What is it?" I walked into my bedroom.

"I don't know. I'm hiding in Emmett's office while I paint my toenails. Isn't he amazing?"

"No." I whispered. "I mean...he's hot, and cool...and dull."

She gasped. "How is that possible? He's perfect and totally hilarious. I thought you two would have hit it off. He's got those idiot frat-boy tendencies you love."

"That you love...not me. Why aren't you dating him?" I asked.

"Fuck...if I didn't work here, I'd jump on that. Interoffice dating just isn't a goal of mine. What are you doing now? When I get out, do you want to go get shit-faced in the Village?" she laughed.

"I have plans," I said proudly. "Another date—kinda."

"What?" She shouted.

"I know." I became giddy. "Yesterday I had none and now I have two. Count them. One and two." I did a few Kegel exercises for no reason.

"Emmett told me you have a date with him tomorrow."

"So?" I shimmied out of my skirt. "I'm big pimpin', bitch!"

"When is this date? It's almost ten o'clock and where are you going?" she asked.

"In like an hour or so. I don't know where we're going. When he gets here, we'll decide—"

"He going to your apartment? That sounds like a booty call to me," she whispered.

"Please." I grabbed a pair of jeans out my closet. "This guy is so hot I would have let him finger fuck me at the table—he works at the restaurant."

"Where'd Emmett take you anyway?"

I wracked my brain for the name. "Bistro 61?" I said as I bent low to put my pants on.

"No way...my brother works there."

"That sorry sack of shit you always talk about? The one with..." I stopped talking. "You've got to be kidding me." I palmed my face. "The one whose life is like a bad country song?" I asked.

Rose laughed. "Yeah, him...he's annoying as fuck, too. You're lucky you're an only child."

"Well...um...he should be here in an hour," I mumbled.

"Who?" She asked.

"Edward—he should be here in an hour."

She barked out a laugh so loud I had to pull the phone away from my ear. I finished changing my clothes while she calmed down. "I'll give you $50 if you blow him—do something. Please!"

I paused, widening my arms as disbelief set in. "Is today sponsored by the letter 'P'? What is the deal with prostitutes?" I shouted out.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," she said.

"Neither do I, apparently." I looked at myself in the mirror, and again I looked extraordinarily ordinary. Blah. "So tell me about him. What do I do? Give me some pointers? I know he's had a hard time, but he's not like crazy or anything, right?"

"No...he's just as fucked up as most people. He's also brutally honest. He has a no bullshit policy or something, but most times he just ends up offending people. I can see you two having some boring sex. He'll call, and you'll wish he hadn't, and by Monday your life will be back to normal. Unless you hit it off with Emmett tomorrow or you push it with Edward...um...he's a dud. Although he might be just as boring as you are. Emmett—go with Emmett. He has money."

"If you like Emmett so much—"

"Just drop it—fuck, I gotta go." The line went dead.

An hour and half later, after I did some dishes and changed my clothes again, there was a knock at the door. I had a feeling it was Edward, but I didn't have to buzz him in, so I looked through my foggy, dirty peep hole to make sure.

"It's me," he said.

"Me who?" I teased. Meanwhile, I was kind of nervous. Since I've lived here, I have only had one other male over. But he doesn't count since he's just my good "fucking" friend.

Jacob Black is a guidance counselor where I teach. We went out on one date then became friends, and then fuck buddies. He wants more. I think he's too sensitive and haven't gone near him in months. The sex was okay, though. I'll give him that much.

Nevertheless, there should only be one bitch in a relationship, right?

Right. I nodded to myself and opened the door wide. He looked amazing. He wore a fitted black t-shirt and some dark wash jeans. The jeans hung low on his hips, and the shirt accentuated his torso. He wasn't muscular like Emmett. He was more on the lanky, toned side, but still hot. His hair was just as messy as earlier, but now it looked wet.

"Is it raining?" I asked.

"Shower." He pointed to his head.

"Hoping to get laid?" I asked.

"Yeah...can I come in?"

"Yeah." I stepped to the side. He walked in, and I closed the door after him. "Am I dressed okay?"

He raked his eyes down my body. "You'll do—this is a great place." He jerked his thumb.

I pulled my t-shirt away from my body. He wasn't being as flattering as he was earlier. Plus, I had changed into some yoga pants. They make my ass look better, well, smaller that is.

Note to self: eat fewer carbs and maybe exercise a little more.

Those jeans I had put on were so tight they threatened to cut off my circulation.

"Are you sure? I can change," I said. "Where are we going?"

He picked up the bottle of vodka off my coffee table. "Wherever you want, and you look beautiful." He put the bottle down. "You order Grey Goose, but you drink the cheap stuff at home?"

I shrugged.

"It always fascinates me...the things we do when we're out and the things we do at home. Take diet soda for example. Those assholes will berate you for forgetting their lemon wedge, but do they take the time to cut a lemon at home, just so they have a wedge for their soda? I highly doubt that."

"Wow," I said, having absolutely no idea how to respond to that. "You think a lot."

"I mean...I'd say it's a luxury, going out to eat and all and getting what you usually don't have at home, but in this day and age? Come on...sometimes vodka is just vodka, and maybe one out of ten assholes will actually squeeze the lemon into their soda." He shook his head. "But God forbid if you forget it."

"Rough night?" I asked.

He nodded. "I don't know what's worse."

"Well..." I rocked back on my heels. "When was the last time a lemon-squeezing asshole tried to kill you?"

"You've obviously never had lemon juice squirted in your eyes—it's happened." He pointed to his eyes. They were a darker shade of green.

"Ahhhhhhhh!" He let out the loudest, girlish scream. It made me jump at the same time he did. He jumped up onto my couch. "What the fuck is that?" He pointed to the floor, just to the left of me.

I turned, and then I was up on the couch with him. This wasn't the usual suspect of cockroach. It was a water bug and it was huge. They come around every once in a while, but they really disgust me. "It's a water bug."

"Ugh! I know what it is...fuck." We ducked in unison as it flew around the room. "Go in the other room. I'll handle this—ah!" He screamed again as he took off his sneaker.

"I thought you were born and raised here?" I asked.

"On Park Avenue," he said, swinging his sneaker.

"Damn...why are you so broke then?" I asked.

"My father is a stingy—fuck!" He jumped up, and, like my personal Superman, he smashed the bug dead on my ceiling. "He paid for my college, and then it was 'sayonara daddy's wallet'." He threw his sneaker down and took a breath. "Goddamn."

"That was awesome," I said as I hopped from the couch.

"I didn't get to hear the reasons why you were single," he said.

I stuck out my tongue. "There's not much to tell. I'm just single. Most of the guys I meet are losers—fuck. I mean..."

"It's cool. I am a fucking loser. You'd be better off with Gordon Gekko." He ran his hand through his hair.

He looked so torn, and then I remembered all the other things that Rosalie had told me. She didn't go into too much detail, or maybe she did—just like with Emmett earlier, I tend to drown people out with errant thoughts and mild disinterest. She did say that if she were him, she would have killed herself.

Now that's fucked up.

"He's a lawyer. Emmett doesn't work on Wall Street." I took a deep breath and blurted. "I know Rosalie."

He looked to me confused. "My sister?"

"Rosalie Cullen." I sat down on the couch. I also grabbed the bottle of vodka, and then I unscrewed the cap to take a small swig. It burned all the way down, but instantly relaxed me.

"How?" He held his hand out for the bottle. "There are approximately nine million people in this city, and you know my sister. Was this a setup?"

"Oh yeah...'cause Rosalie cares so much about you that she planted me in your restaurant." I shook my head no and handed the bottle over.

"No...she wouldn't do that." He threw his head back to sip from the bottle.

"When I first moved here, I didn't know that I wasn't supposed to talk to people. I usually don't talk to anyone, but sometimes I say random shit to strangers..." I waved a hand. "Anyway, we were waiting for the same bus."

"Which bus?" He gulped from the bottle again.

"The M86? I had to go over to the East side—I don't remember why. She was polite and looked at me like I was nuts. Then some old lady fell in the street, and we both almost pissed ourselves laughing. I started telling her my life story, and she wanted to be my first friend here in the Big Rotten Apple."

"Nice." He sat next to me. "So what happened to the old lady?"

"I don't know. I wanted to help her, but then your sister told me not to. Someone else called the paramedics, and that's it."

"That's horrible. You two laughed at some elderly woman, and then left her on the sidewalk?" He chuckled a bit.

I pushed his shoulder. "Excuse me, Mother Teresa. What would you have done?" I asked.

He widened his arm, placing it on the back of the couch—kind of like he wanted to put his arm around me. "As a seasoned New Yorker, I would have kept walking and pretended that I didn't see it."

"How is that any better than what we did?" I asked.

"I wouldn't have laughed. If I didn't see it, it didn't happen—" he palmed my face. "You're so pretty, and if it had been you, I would have helped you up."

"Thanks." I nodded. "I still would have laughed at you."

"You're honest. I like that." He inched closer.

"Thank you." I caught a whiff of him. He didn't smell like...french fries anymore. He smelled like cologne and fabric softener. "You're very jaded and bitter—I like that. It suits you."

He nodded. "I've got but a few dollars in my pocket—nothing to offer you. I'm me, take me or leave me."

"Now you're depressing me...and isn't that from Titanic?" I asked.

He winced. "Yeah...sorry about depressing you." He took his arm back to pick up the _OK!_ magazine with the dead cockroach on it from earlier. He hadn't noticed it yet, and I waited, wondering if he'd scream like a girl again when he saw it. "No shit...Bobby and Whitney are at it again?"

I stared at his toned forearms, nearly salivating. I don't know what it is with me, but I've been a "glass half full" girl all day, instead of being my usual "who the hell drank half my soda?" self.

I guess it was the draw they both had, Edward and Emmett.

Emmett was as boring as a bag of rocks—that's better than some dog shit—yet seemed happy, and I still would have done the nasty with him.

Edward I find to be charming, cynical, and very depressing, like Oscar the Grouch—only hot and doesn't live in a garbage pail. Damn. He's not far from pail status, though.

He's sexy, and he could probably use some nookie to brighten his day.

On looks alone, they both scored a ten.

Plus, as I am quickly approaching thirty, I have learned to take things in stride. I have also lowered my standards immensely over the last year.

So Edward and Emmett were both winners in my book.

But who did I want to screw more?

Edward is here now.

Emmett may not call tomorrow. Huh?

Yes, they are both "one night stand" worthy.

And I wondered how much Rose would give me if I screwed Edward. I need a new iPod.

Relax. It was a joke. Sort of. I really wanted to pork Edward and, like I said, I need a new iPod.

"Did you still want to do something?" I asked.

He closed the magazine and jumped back, but he did not scream. "Uh...yeah, sure. Do you have anywhere in mind?"

"My bedroom." I sat up to straighten my shoulders.

He raised his eyebrows and swallowed loudly. "The—the bedroom?" he asked. "Is that a new club or..."

"My bedroom." I jerked my thumb. "You know...for like, sex?" I'll admit that I am very immature, but do I really have to spell it out for this gorgeous, thirty-year-old man? He's so handsome; he should be used to this. In fact, he shouldn't even be depressed. Women should drop to their knees to suck him off, just because he's so damn beautiful.

How did the tables get turned around? There I was feeling superior and now I feel as though this God-like creature is slumming it.

Well, fuck that. "Edward?" I prompted.

He stared at me dumbly, and then nervously chuckled. "Wow...that's pretty straight to the point."

I nodded. "Well...you figure we'll sit around for a while, drink some more of this vodka, and then wake up tomorrow in my bed anyway. This way we can leave out the hangover. We're both busy adults and all...and I don't cuddle. So this gets you out of spending the night, and trying to sneak out in the morning...Oh, and crowding my space." I pursed my lips and then drew a box around myself. "Besides fooling around, I prefer for people to stay outside the box." I drew it again.

"But of course, if you have high moral standards or certain religious beliefs then I get it...no...your sister is a whore."

He laughed out loudly. "Yeah, she is."

"And you admitted you showered in hopes of getting laid."

"That's not the only reason I showered."

I nodded, grabbing a hold of his hand. "Yeah, okay..." We stood up and I led him toward my bedroom.

"I shower every day," he said.

"I believe you." We were now in my bedroom.

"No...well, the way you said it...it was like you didn't believe me." He rationalized.

"That's the bed..." I pointed to nearly the only thing that filled the room. Did I mention that I live in a sardine can?

He gazed at it, and then looked back to me. I took off my shirt as a reply.

Like I told Rose earlier, yesterday I had no dicks, and today I have two. I was going to take advantage.

"-and these are my breasts." I reached back to unclasp my bra.

"Hold on...what the hell are you doing?"

"Um...how are we going to fuck with our clothes—" He cut me off with his lips, and I swore I saw stars or something. I even made a conscious effort while I sucked his beautiful face to pick my foot up. There were fireworks—or those could have been gunshots—no, they were fireworks.

He kissed me passionately as he led us over to the bed. He was finally taking control now, and it took everything inside of me not to push him down and have my wicked way with him. We kissed for what felt like forever—until I was literally panting and rubbing myself on him for some sort of contact.

"Touch me," I whimpered, pulling away and catching my breath, as he began to kiss down my neck. He kissed all the way down to my breasts and cupped them both in his hands.

"Fucking hot," he breathed, tweaking my nipples with his thumbs.

"Yup." I pulled his head to my chest. He began to groan and growl as he bit my nipple to lick it between his teeth. It felt absolutely amazing, and I inched my lower half toward him a bit. He caught the hint and ran his fingers along the edge of my pants. Soon, he wasn't only in my pants, but under my panties too. His mouth continued to pleasure my chesticles, while his finger twirled around my clit.

"Oh God...Edward." I stiffened. With my mind racing back and forth between Emmett and Edward, I wanted to make sure I said the right name. I did, so it was all good.

He stopped to pull my pants all the way down. I let him do it and scooted myself farther up onto the bed. I was all naked now, and my body is what it is. I'm semi-content with it, so I didn't try to cover it up.

He stared with his chest heaving as he took off his shirt. The pants followed after, until he crawled up beside me clad in his boxer briefs. His movements slowed then. He was gentle and gave my body loving caresses as he kissed me slower. When he started to kiss down my neck again, I felt a sudden wave of nervousness hit my gut.

"I never do this—I never even date," I whispered. "Haven't had a one-night stand since college."

He picked his head up to look at me. "Who said it had to be one night? And everyone says that shit."

I grinned. "I know...but I mean it."

"You want me to stop?" He leaned away.

"Fuck, no." I pulled him back. "I just didn't want you to think I was some whore."

"Good." He nodded. "'Cause I can't afford to pay you."

"Oh..." I did not expect that answer. "I meant like loose—not like you had to pay me."

He chuckled. "I believe you...now can I go back to kissing you? This might just be the highlight to my year."

I jutted my lower lip out. "This isn't a pity fuck either." I stiffened again. Why the fuck did I have to say that?

He leaned his forehead to my chest, and I was afraid he was going to get all emo on me again. Or ramble on about other beverage garnishes. "My life wasn't always shit." He rolled over to his back.

I bet Emmett would have hit it and run back home to his mother. That would be better than this shit. No. Those kisses alone were amazing. I inched toward him again.

"I bet it wasn't..." I placed my hand on his chest. Then my lips followed, and the more I kissed him, the more relaxed his body became. He placed his hand on my head, and I felt slight pressure as he pushed it down. I fought against it as my brain started to work overtime. Was he playing that emo garbage just for a blow job?

I decided to meet him halfway, so I slipped my hand into his boxers and grabbed his dick. It was quite wide, and when I peeled the boxers back, I was surprised by how pretty it was.

When I began to stroke it, a loud moan came from his lips. "Your hand feels great."

I fought against my own moan, because I did want to suck it, twirl my tongue around it, and take it back deep.

"Come here," he whispered.

I let go of his cock and nestled into his side. "It's really nice." We both admired it. "You're a great kisser too, and quite possibly the hottest guy I've seen since I've been in New York." I smiled, wanting to cheer him up a bit.

"And this isn't a pity fuck?"

I laughed. "I have proverbial cobwebs down there." We both stared at my bare crotch now. "Actually, it's like you're slumming it."

He stared intensely into my eyes and shook his head no. Then he hovered over me fast. "You're gorgeous." He pecked my lips. "As is this body." He bit my collarbone. "As is your soul." He kissed where my heart is. "You're a beautiful person, Bella—uh—what's your last name?"

"Swan," I sighed.

"Do you believe in second chances?" He stopped what he was doing, and I had enough.

I sat up, pushing him even further away, and stared at him hard. "Are you fucking kidding me? Why can't we fuck? I don't wanna hear about my soul and your last therapy session. I. Want. To. Fuck," I stated.

"I don't go to therapy." He shook his head.

"Well, maybe you should. This wasn't a good idea."

"I think we have a connection, and I'm trying to build on that. What's the problem?"

I slumped my shoulders. "I'm a horrible person. I laugh at old people, and I think the whole concept of romance is a joke."

He looked down. "I've lost my erection."

"They have medication for that." I looked at the smaller version of perfection.

**Thank you for reading!**


	2. Hoes in Different Area Codes

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Beta'd by the amazing aeglow**

"**Outside the Box"**

**Chapter 2: Hoes in different area codes**

**F**eeling something tickling me, I shot up thinking it might be a cockroach. "Uh-uh..." I panicked, smacking at my own face, until I heard Rose giggling beside me.

Looking at her made my head hurt, so I buried it into my pillow. "What the fuck are you so happy about this morning?" I mumbled.

"Morning?" She pulled the blanket away from me. "It's two in the afternoon."

Jumping up again, I wondered, "How...?" aloud as I squinted to see the time on my alarm clock.

"Yeah, it's two. Aren't you happy you gave me a key?" She handed me an iced coffee.

Grabbing it from her to quickly slurp it down, I never replied.

"No need to snatch." She grimaced for half a second, and then smiled widely as she scooted farther up onto the bed. "Edward called me this morning."

I groaned, hating myself. "He did, huh?" I lay back against the pillows. "What did he say?"

She laughed. "Nothing bad. Just that, um, you're a . . . very bizarre individual." She nodded.

"He said that?" My face lit up. It's not exactly a compliment, but it's better than boring with a decent rack.

_Yes, I've heard that many times_.

"He's weird, too. I mean...I invited him in here, and he couldn't even—I just wanted sex. You know?" I looked to her.

She winced. "Yeah, he mentioned that." I could tell she was holding something back.

"Out with it," I said.

"He hasn't had sex since his ex. So, he was a little nervous and—"

"How long has he been divorced again?" I asked.

"The divorce finalized last week . . . I told you this. That's why he's so broke. Between lawyer fees and, beforehand, he bought that stupid car he doesn't need. Trust me; he's been fucked. He just hasn't been able to enjoy it."

I nodded. "And the ex is now a lesbian?"

She groaned. "Depends...Can you answer a question for me? Are you a lesbian if the person you're with embodies everything of a man, but doesn't have a cock? The bitch Tanya left him for is one scary dyke. I'm not scared of anyone. Big Bertha is fucking . . . I think Edward is even scared of her." She rambled on as Rose usually does.

"Sounds like a real catch," I said through a yawn. "Maybe it just boils down to mechanics."

She nodded. "I'm beginning to think the same, although Kate _is_ more butch than Edward—"

"Who's Kate?"

"Big Bertha. She goes by Kate—looks and acts like a man. He, I mean, she should totally change the name. Gives people the wrong impression." Rose looked confused.

I hummed as I sipped my coffee. "So good . . . Why are you here?"

"Emmy said you were coming to the game with us. We're supposed to meet for dinner first." She smiled. "I know it was a date, but...he called and—"

"Emmy?" I laughed.

"Emmett." She nudged me with her shoulder.

I shook my head. "The three of us? No . . . you should meet him. I'm not being the third wheel. You go." I looked to her. "When are you going to realize that you like him?"

She was staring down at her nails.

"Rose?" I asked.

"What?" She snapped out of it. "Oh...it won't just be the three of us. One of our colleagues will be coming, too. It was originally the guys, but Emmett told two of our co-workers they couldn't come. It'll Emmett, Jasper, and us."

I made a face. "Who the fuck names their kid Jasper? My God...Or Emmett? What's with these names? I dated a guy named Chip once, but fuck."

"Jasper is a nice guy. He's single too...I think. I don't really know him. He's cool, though." She got me with the elbow. "Maybe you'll like him more than Emmett?"

I shrugged; meanwhile, I felt kind of giddy inside. "Another one?" I asked. "No . . . There's no way I'm going to this game to potentially hook-up with someone else. Nuh-uh. No way. That's fucked up." I nodded to myself. "Unless you had intentions of bagging Emmett?" Raising a brow, I smirked at Rose.

"I love my Yankees." She ignored me. "Besides, they're really going out on a limb here. It was supposed to be a guys' day or something. We'll go to dinner, the game, and then we'll go back to one of their places for drinks. Whatever."

"No drinking." I shook my head. "I drank like a fish, like . . . half a bottle of vodka last night."

She scrunched her nose. "I told you Edward was depressing."

"Not really. He was more . . . " I trailed off.

"Then, what was it? You don't seriously like my brother, do you?" she asked.

I shrugged, pursing my lips, which elicited a gasp from her. "No!" I screamed. "I don't. I just really wanted to bang him. He saw my cobwebbed cootch and didn't judge me."

"You need a wax? You should go to the place I go to—"

"No, I shave. I can't afford waxing. It was a metaphor or something." I frowned, waving a hand and that thought away. "I was right here, and the kisses were amazing." While I hugged myself, I felt like even more of a loser and let go. "There really wasn't any of that—that primal ravaging going on, though. Maybe he's not into me? He growled and stuff. It started out intense, and then..."

"He growled?" She let out a snort. "Who knew he had it in him . . . Go Edward." Rose fist pumped the air.

"'Go Edward' nothing. It lasted like a second ... I don't know. Maybe he realized..." I shook my head because I will not feel sorry for myself. Sure, I have quirks and I'm not Miss America, but I refuse to think myself unattractive. Plus, _he_ was under the assumption it was a pity fuck.

By now, I was just confused since I never thought males were complex creatures.

"He was nervous. I'm not defending him," she put her hands up, "but the way he put it was, like, you nearly raped him. He and Tanya hadn't bumped uglies in over eight months, and then they were separated for another six until they divorced last week. He hasn't had sex in over a year. I'm surprised he even hit on you—" Her phone started ringing. "Ugh. It's him . . . What?" she answered in a clipped tone.

As much as I really wanted to listen in on the call, I excused myself and went into the bathroom. I peed while I thought about Edward. I kind of felt bad about how things went down last night. As I wiped myself, I shrugged it away. He came here and entered my bedroom by himself. No one forced him to do that shit.

And I couldn't believe he told his sister everything.

Bella Swan is not a rapist. Sometimes I may be desperate, but a rapist I am not. That's a horrible thing to say, or even joke about. Honestly, I couldn't wrap my head around the idea.

When I entered my bedroom, I noticed how bored Rose looked while she spoke to him.

" . . . and how is that my problem, Edward?" She rolled her eyes at me.

Wondering what I should wear, I looked to her clothes. It's the beginning of May, and she's wearing a pair of shorts with a Yankee's t-shirt. It must be warm out today. Since my lack of wardrobe means that I do not need to empty my closet with the change of seasons, I dug out a pair of capris and a blouse. Sadly, I do not own any baseball attire, so a plain blouse will have to do.

"Fine...whatever...just don't touch my shit." She ended the call.

"Everything okay?" I asked.

She groaned again. "Yeah...I was just hoping to get laid again before my brother moved in. I'm no mind reader, but I'll take a gander that his presence might be a major cockblock . . . Hey!" She smirked as she stood and walked toward me. "This is a crazy-crazy idea..."

I frowned. "What is it? Is bachelor number four in my living room?" I pushed my hair behind my ears.

"Edward is going to pay me $125 a week to sleep on my couch. He was supposed to move in next week, but his friend James is being a douche, so he's to move in today. How about if he lived here?"

"No. God, no!" I rushed out.

"Let me finish." She put her hands up.

"No! Rose...I barely know him. He was almost a one-night stand. No. N-O." I spelled it out for her.

"I don't need the money, but you do. Plus, he cooks and cleans; besides his bitching he's pretty cool. He won't bitch to you, maybe just ogle you." She poked me. "He did say you were the most beautiful woman he's ever seen—"

"He said that?" I smiled. "No." My grin disappeared.

She grasped my hands. "He'd sleep on the couch. This place is close to his job. You'd have a home cooked meal nearly every weeknight. He's not your boyfriend, so you can still do whatever you want. It'll be like having a roommate. Like me last year, before I got my promotion, remember? Everyone does it here. It's a common occurrence. Edward is just easier. He doesn't require much. He'll take what you give him."

I bit my lip. When I first moved here, I stayed in a boarding house. I had my own room, only having to share the bathroom and kitchen with people. This wouldn't be much different, except he's too fucking hot and I might just attack him. I shook my head no again. "No."

She snapped her fingers. "How 'bout an extra fifty from me a week? That's $175. Think of what you can do with that? You can hire an exterminator," she laughed. "God knows that slumlord of yours doesn't give a shit."

I groaned in exasperation. "He's yummy, okay? It'll be weird."

"Yummy?" She gagged on her finger. "You're being ridiculous."

"I like my space." I widened my arms.

She looked around. "What space? And he won't take up much. He lives out of a bag for Christ's sake."

"That's sad," I whispered. "But why don't you want to live with him . . . if he's not a nuisance?"

She sighed. "He's really not. I was just trying to help you both out. You make some money. He'd probably be happier just seeing you every day—" She gestured to me.

"Well, run it by him." I slumped my shoulders, relenting. "I want $200 a week. So that's 75 from you, if we do this...I can get an iPod touch...and maybe HBO and Showtime."

She squealed. "Get in the shower." Rose pushed me toward the bathroom. "I'll call him now." She looked down to her cell. "He can have my key..."

"Wait—no. Don't you think we should get to know each other a little better first?"

"Why?" She scoffed, staring me down. "If you took someone in off the street or Craigslist, you'd meet him or her, make sure they weren't crazy, and then welcomed them in. Edward is sane in comparison to you, and his presence will be good for you; I promise." She grinned deviously, while placing the phone to her ear. "Maybe you're miserable because you're lonely."

"I'll get a cat!" I shouted.

"You hate cats . . . Hello, Edward?"

I gave her the finger. Then with every step I took toward my bathroom, I hated myself even more. Why am I such a fucking push over? No, I'm not a push over. Something about seeing Edward every day intrigued me, even if he couldn't seal the deal with my legs spread wide in front of him.

/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/

Dinner was cool. We ate at a Chinese restaurant near the stadium. I had chicken—since that's basically all I eat—and nearly drooled over Jasper. If I thought Emmett was a babe, I was severely blown away by the sight of Jasper. He was sweet, talkative, and very—and I, mean very—easy on the eyes. He had blond hair, blue eyes, and had a panty-dropping smile. He was also tall and handsome, and spoke so freely. He said he got a real kick out of me.

I think that's a good thing, although I can't be sure.

Being with Rosalie and Emmett wasn't awkward at all. As soon as they became engrossed with each other, it was like I didn't exist. So, I spent my time drinking beer and having polite conversation with Jasper.

We kind of paired off, regardless of Rosalie's stupid plea for me to talk to Emmett.

By the time we got to the stadium, my friend and I didn't even acknowledge each other. She sat with Emmett, and I sat with Jasper.

We all rarely spoke during the game. Not a fan of baseball, I would have liked to, but the three of them seemed to be diehard Yankees fans. I couldn't get a word in edgewise, not even those sarcastic comments, which pained me to hold back.

When the game was over, I whistled and clapped loudly—even if the Yankees lost to the Padres. I was happy that the game was over.

Since Rosalie and Emmett live downtown, they shared a cab. Well, from Yankee stadium we all lived downtown, except for Jasper. He made brief mention of the house he owns in Westchester.

He said he'd escort me home, and then make his own way home, but you all know me.

I hoped he'd come in for a nightcap, or to fuck, to put it simply.

_If at first you don't succeed, you try and try again._

It's logic.

Then I thought, maybe I shouldn't. Jasper seems perfect, and if he's the guy for me, maybe we should wait. I can keep my legs closed for one night, right?

We rode the subway to my neighborhood, and then walked hand-in-hand to my apartment.

"How do you like it here in New York?" He grinned at me, while typing away on his cell. Earlier, when Emmett did it, I was curious. He informed me that he was updating his Facebook status.

"Facebook?" I asked.

He laughed. "Twitter . . ." He placed his cell back into his pocket. "Is New York any better than Washington?"

I sucked in a shaky breath through my teeth. This guy was just...no words. If he said Facebook, he would have lost maybe one measly point, but since I don't know too much about Twitter I let it go.

"It's okay—very different, but New York is all right." And I didn't understand what my problem was. I knew I was being fake, reining in my normal, weird self; however, I couldn't help it. I wanted this guy to like me. I became hopeful. What if things work out with Jasper? What if he became my husband one day?

Turning thirty is a bit of a milestone. In fact, I hoped to be married by the time I turn thirty. What if this was my big break?

"Do you like the suburbs?" I asked.

He cleared his throat, pulling me into his side. I reveled in the contact, and a whimper escaped my lips.

_I'm horny as fuck. Give me a break here._

"There was some dog shit . . ." He let me go, continuing to hold my hand.

I giggled, while I looked down to a few turds on the sidewalk. "My hero."

He chuckled. "You're really something else," he said. I didn't know what he meant by that either. He smiled when he said it, so it probably means something good? "I don't usually do this—" He stopped us from walking. "But can I have your number?"

I nodded quickly. "Yeah..." My breathing was suddenly ragged as he leaned in close.

"Are we getting any closer to your place?" He looked around us.

I leaned away, slumping my shoulders. "Just a few more blocks."

We continued to walk and talk, although our conversation dulled a little. He never let go of my hand, holding firmly, while we also slowed to a crawl.

"You were supposed to, uh, date Emmett?" he asked.

I shrugged, staring up to the stars on this magical night. "This was supposed to be our second date."

"Disappointed?" He quirked a brow.

I looked to him, shaking my head no. "Not at all." Shyly, my gaze fell to the sidewalk. "My apartment isn't much, um. Would you like to come in for some coffee?" I chanced a glance back to him.

"Yes," he whispered. "Will this be coffee with a side of sex?"

_Bow chika wow-wow._

I bit my lip, becoming giddy inside. "Maybe if you play your cards right." I tried for flirtatious, and realized that when you're as old as we are you develop a "no bullshit" policy. Why not be honest? We both have nothing to lose.

He laughed. "I was kidding."

"No, you weren't." I nudged him with my shoulder.

"Okay, I wasn't...no, no, I was." He had the cutest laugh.

I frowned again. Just like with Emmett and then Edward last night, I couldn't help but wonder what was wrong with Jasper. "You're thirty-two and—" I started.

He stopped us from walking and enveloped me in his arms again. "Let's not worry about tomorrow or the next day. I dig you, and I think," he waved a finger between us, "we should think about right now." He dipped his head toward mine again.

I gave him a small nod—lightly licking my lips, as I stood on my toes. He was about to seal the deal, and I couldn't wait for this kiss. It couldn't come fast enough.

"OH, HELL NO!" someone shouted behind us.

Turning abruptly, I saw a small woman rush out of a suburban minivan.

"Fuck..." Jasper breathed.

He also dropped my hand like it was on fire, while we both stared now.

"Um..." I didn't know what to say as this woman stalked toward us.

"Are you fucking my husband?" This small woman jumped at me. I stepped back, and Jasper caught her quickly.

"How'd you know where I was?" Jasper asked her.

"Next time you don't want to be found, turn the GPS feature off on your Twitter!" the woman shouted. "Imagine my surprise when I looked..."

"Where were you?" he asked.

I would have said something, but it seemed as though I was stuck on stupid. And I wanted to disappear somehow—just, poof!—be gone. I'm going to take a wild guess that this is his wife or something.

She stared daggers at me yet spoke to Jasper. "I was at Lauren's house. You know, my friend who lives around here? I wonder if she knows about the sluts in this area, too."

Looking down, I hugged myself. I'm not a coward. If she wasn't totally correct in her assessment, I would have knocked her one. Then I remembered what she said and mentally laughed.

_Was this Jasper's attempt at having hoes in different area codes?_

Jasper turned her to face him. "Enough. It's not what you think."

"Where the fuck is your wedding band?" She turned to me again. "Yes...he's married, and that's our infant in the fucking car!" She pointed. I looked to where she gestured. The minivan was still running with the door open, and there was an infant inside of it?

"Um..." I started, pointing too. "Shouldn't you—"

She lunged at me again. "What was that, bitch?" she shouted while Jasper caught her.

I didn't reply, but I just wanted to point out that car jackings do happen in this neighborhood.

"It's not what you think . . . Alice, baby—" he crooned, placing a kiss on her cheek.

"Don't 'Alice, baby' me!" She pushed him, and then turned to me a third time. "Who are you?"

I opened my mouth to respond, but Jasper beat me to it. "She's Emmett's friend. I was just making sure she got home okay. Right?" He looked to me, eyes pleading and face drained of color.

I nodded. "Yeah," I whispered. "It's not what you think...I'm married, too," I lied.

"You are?" He grimaced.

Alice slapped him. "Why do you care? Get," she whacked him with her purse, "in the fucking car!"

"Bella?" I heard someone behind me and turned to the sound.

Just when I thought this couldn't get any worse, I saw Edward.

I didn't reply. Instead I looked up to the sky. "This is a joke, right?" I asked God. Then I couldn't help it and turned to Jasper. "Am I getting _Punk'd_?" I asked.

"How's it going?" Edward approached us. He seemed out of breath and dumped one of those huge, green army duffle bags at our feet.

Then I did what any normal person would do. "Jasper...Alice." I swallowed, a nervous wreck. "This is my husband, Edward." I linked my arm with his.

"I am?" Edward smirked.

I nodded.

"You work at the firm?" Alice seemed to have calmed down some.

"Bella just got out of rehab," Edward said.

"What—No, I—" I shut up when he placed his arm around me.

"Rehab?" Jasper mouthed.

I gave him a small smile.

"It's a sad, sad story." Edward sucked his teeth. "I was just shipped off to Fallujah and—"

Jasper put out his hand. "Wow...you fought overseas?" He shook Edward's hand.

"Yeah...my whole platoon was taken out, too. Bella kept me alive. Those touching letters from rehab." He touched his heart and made goo-goo eyes down at me.

"That's so sweet." Alice sniffled. "Sorry...I just gave birth not too long ago, and my hormones are still—" She wiped her eyes.

"That's what we've been up to. We're trying to get the old ball and chain knocked up. At least that might keep her away from the rock," Edward laughed.

I reached around him and pinched the skin on his back. He winced, and then pinched my bicep, just as hard.

"I'm a crackhead," I said through clenched teeth. "Wow..." I looked up to Edward. "I went from being a slut to a crackhead in less than an hour."

He kissed my forehead. "That's my girl . . . moving up in that proverbial food chain we call life."

I shook my head. "That made no sense."

He grinned. "All I meant, sugar plum—"

"Awww," I crooned through a chuckle. "I'm his sugar plum." I looked to Alice and Jasper, hugging onto Edward.

"You're moving up in the world." Edward finished while he sniffed me. "Did you hit the pipe tonight?"

Jasper raised his eyebrows and looked back to his wife. "We should get going," he said.

Alice waved, shook Edward's hand, and then took Jasper's hand as they walked toward the minivan.

"Rehab?" I scoffed, letting go of Edward. "Fallujah?"

He shrugged. "_You_ were lying."

"And that makes it okay?" I stared at his bag. "She couldn't get rid of you fast enough, huh?"

He frowned. "I wouldn't be here if I had any other options."

Huffing a breath, I puffed my cheeks. "Right..." I walked to my building's door to open it. "I promise not to attack you." My foot kept the door open for him.

"Promises. Promises. Don't promise me anything." He groaned, lifting that insanely huge bag.

Smirking as he passed me, I gestured down the hall. "Lead the way..." I followed behind him, and then he stood back so I could open my apartment's door.

"Any rules? Anything off limits?" he asked.

I giggled, thinking it might be some innuendo. "No . . . _nothing_ is off limits." I ran my finger down his shirt. He smelled like French fries, and I leaned forward to sniff him some more.

"Bella?"

"Hmmm?" I asked.

"This shit is heavy. Can you move?" He adjusted the bag.

I jumped out of the way and into my apartment, snapping out of the Edward stupor. "So you know where the couch is." I pointed to it. "Um, so...yeah. I don't serve people, and I don't have anything edible." I rocked back on my heels.

"Whatever." He threw his bag down. "Before you give me shit for lying, I saw the whole thing. It looked like pipsqueak was about to kick your ass. I intervened."

"Thank you," I whispered.

"And...you're dating a married man now? That was fast."

I shook my head no. "It wasn't like that...We all went to the game and—"

He nodded, smiling widely. "You guys pulled some switch? Rose just came home with that suit you were with yesterday."

I laughed out loudly, finding that hilarious.

"He was very surprised to see me there." Edward placed his hand on his chest. "I wasn't going to come here at all. I thought Rose was fucking with me earlier—"

"Oh my God . . . that is—" I had no words. Me. I had no words. Or, I could have been laughing because I was hysterical. Why not find this comical? Only me, right?

"You should have seen his face when I said I met up with you last night."

I stopped laughing. "Now he's going to think I'm a whore!" I shouted.

"Why do you care?" He sat down on the couch. "This is pretty comfortable..." he said to himself, bouncing up and down as he looked to me. "You dated three guys in less than a forty-eight hour time frame. You work fast."

"I work nothing!" I stomped my foot. "The other day I had none, and then I had two. What you just saw was—fuck you!" I kicked his stupid bag. "Did you really serve in the military?" I asked.

He frowned. "After 9/11 . . . I signed up right away, proud to serve my country."

I bit my tongue. Now I can't say anything because he brought up 9/11.

He laughed again. "Fuck...you're gullible." He shook his head. "I bought this bag off a street vendor on Canal Street."

I narrowed my eyes at him. Yes, I am cynical. Yes, I can be a bitch, but never have I ever felt instant hate for someone like this before. "I don't think this arrangement is going to work out."

"I might throw off your game? How about you give me a cut? I can make sure the dates don't get out of hand—"

"You want to be my fucking pimp? I'm not a whore. I told you that last night." I folded my arms across my chest.

He grinned at me. "I was kidding. You seem like a very lovely woman."

I snorted, not amused in the slightest. "Now you're just lying."

He shrugged. "I need a place to crash . . . I refuse to sleep in my car. It's brand new." He stared at me, but it wasn't a regular stare. It was more of a lingering stare, like he was checking me out.

Widening my eyes and arms, I asked, "What?" wanting to know what his problem was, when I should have started striping.

"You look pretty."

"Oh." Studying my sandals, I felt stupid. "Sorry about last night. Rose told me—"

He palmed his face with his hands. "She told you?"

I nodded. "It's no big deal. You weren't ready to move on yet . . . I get it, but stop telling people I tried to, to take advantage of you." My accusatory finger pointed right at him.

"I never said that." He rushed out. He also reached out for my hand, but never took it. "I said you moved a bit fast, and it threw me for a loop. That's all. You can't rape the willing." He smiled a different smile—the kind from last night that made my tummy ache.

"Stop making that face." I threw my leg out to kick him.

"What face?" he asked.

Stiffening, I whined in place. "Just stop..." Turning to walk away, I pointe. "The bathroom is down that hall."

"You're going to bed?"

Wanting to ask him if he wanted to join me, I looked back to him. Then I smacked myself in the face.

"You okay?"

Swallowing loudly, my throat suddenly dry, I nodded.

"It shouldn't have to be this awkward. I've seen you naked. You've seen me naked," he laughed.

"... and you have a pretty penis," I mumbled to myself. My eyes also lingered near his crotch area.

"What was that?" He dug out his cell phone. "Hey...I was going to meet up with a friend of mine. Did you want to come? Maybe you can pick up a date for tomorrow?"

I flipped him off. "Sit on it and rotate, bitch."

"What are you twelve?" He put his cell down.

I groaned, getting even more frustrated. "What is your deal? You're Mr. Hot waiter guy at the restaurant. Then you're this emo-bitch, who loses his erection—"

"Whoa!" he yelled standing from the couch.

"And now you're being an asshole." I looked down. "I don't need it. I almost slept with a married man. How would you feel if you just had the perfect date with this gorgeous guy, and then...that?" I calmed down some, as I began to feel really fucking sad.

"Oh, fuck, Bella...I'm so, so sorry. But your inability to make me another notch on your belt is not my problem. You wanna go blow for blow? Let's go. I'll win. I know I will. Whose life is crappier, let's go!" He clapped once.

I balled my hands into fists. "I don't give a fuck if your ex-wife eats pussy, okay? Poor you! Maybe if you were more of a _man_, she wouldn't have felt the _need_ . . . NO!" I laughed so hard I almost pissed myself. "As I hear it, she left you for a woman, who's manlier than you, and she doesn't even have a cock."

He sat back down on the couch. "I should just slit my wrists, huh?"

My face fell. No, fuck that. He dished it out and basically called me a whore. "It's down the road." I ran my finger down my forearm. "Not across the street." I ran my finger across my wrist. "Don't do that shit here."

His shoulders slumped. "Not here . . . got it," he sighed.

"Sorry," I whispered.

"What's so horrible for you?" He patted the spot next to him.

I almost took a step to sit, and then stopped myself.

"Why are you so mean? Christ. I felt like I won the lottery last night, getting to hang out with you, finding out how cool and down to earth you are, and then..." He hung his head.

"And then what?" I whispered.

"I had a plan."

Smirking, I asked, "What was this plan?"

"Date you...and then _maybe _we'd end up in there...after a few dates." He pointed to my bedroom. "You threw me off, but I went with it, okay? You wanted to fool around. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't with it. When a woman does what you did . . . well, I don't really have to explain, right?"

"I get it. I'm always horny," I blurted. "I haven't had penis in a long time. I was excited to have one in my apartment."

He rolled his eyes. "That's all I was. A penis?"

"A penis in the hand is better than two in the—" I caught myself.

"You're that loose? You can fit two in there? Now I'm disappointed and highly curious." He snapped his fingers.

"Fuck you!" I spat again.

"You were better at the comebacks last night."

I didn't know what to say. He was right. I had nothing witty to comeback with. "I'll get you a blanket and a pillow," I whispered. "Do you still plan on going out?"

He nodded.

"Rose gave you her key?"

"Yeah . . . Uh, where can I put this?" He pointed to his bag. "Somewhere the cockroaches won't get it."

I smiled. "New Jersey."

**Thank you for reading.**

**Please leave me your thoughts**.


	3. Don't Stop Bielebing

**Stephenie Meyer Owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Beta'd by aeglow. **

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed chapter 2. You guys are awesome. **

**Thanks for reading, too. **

**Quick reminder: Our Edward and Bella are NOT together yet, so you can't fault them for the stupid shit they do in this chapter and the next. Lol. Rated M for adult humor and situations. **

**ENJOY!**

"**Outside the Box" chapter 3: Don't Stop Bielebing.**

"**T**he wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round. The wheels on the bus go round and round. All through the town." I sang and rolled one hand over the other. Most of the kids were doing it with me, except for those two badasses in the back.

The sad thing is that I didn't even care. When one starts crying I'll do something.

"The wipers on the bus go swish, swish, swish," I started swishing my arms like they were windshield wipers. "Swish, swish, swish, swish, swish, swish," I sat back down in my chair. "The wipers on the bus go swish, swish, swish. All through the town." I paused, looking out to the crowd for my next victim. "What comes next?"

They all raised their hands. "Uh...Maddy. Can you sing the next verse for us?" And then she mumbled through it. This school is such a joke. We have our days split up. In the afternoons—right before they go back to their parents—we get them amped up while we work on music appreciation. I don't have to teach them how to read music or anything. We just sing random nursery school songs.

This is the shit that gives me a headache. They get amped up and I go home to hit a bottle—of Advil.

When I first began to tell my tale it was the weekend. I barely drink on weeknights, partly because I've never been good at holding my drink. I drink too much, and then nothing short of the apocalypse can wake me.

I'm waiting for it. Most say the world will end with Zombies. I say it will end with cockroaches. I bet during my next drunken stint I die, and then I'll be eaten by them while water-bugs make nests in my hair.

It's a fact. They say if we ever experience nuclear winter that cockroaches will be the only living things left.

_Yes, cockroaches will be a running theme in this tale. Run away, while you still can..._

I continued to spontaneously call on kids to finish up the rest of the song. I hate to admit that I am not my usual cheerful self today—I snorted then.

I'm not sure why it bothers me, but it does. Edward has a date tonight. He met some woman—a barista at Starbucks no less—and asked her out. I tried to rationalize that I wore my haters cap because two weeks ago I technically had three dates and now I have none.

No. That's not it at all. I knew my lucky streak wouldn't last. She's in her early twenties.

What the hell, right?

Geez.

I felt bad for the poor girl.

She has no idea what she's in for. Edward is horrible. He leaves the toilet seat up all the time. He watches anime cartoons—he even has them on DVD. He always leaves his towel on the floor, and he always has a smart ass remark. That's not including his stupid attitude.

What if he sleeps with her? What if they go back to her posh pent house in the village?—hell no. She might be a barista in her twenties, but I'll be damned if that bitch has a pent house. What if they go back to her place and they sleep together? What if she doesn't have cockroaches and she's pleasant?

Why the fuck do I care?

I care because everyone else is always moving on, except me.

And Edward isn't horrible.

I'm getting used to him being there. He's always there. On weeknights, he does cook dinner. He takes out the garbage when it's full, unlike me who will walk by it and try to stuff more shit in there until I have no choice but to take it out.

He did laundry the other day and mixed my hamper in with his stuff.

At first I was creeped out that he touched my underwear, but then I thought it nice. He did me a favor.

I do stuff for him too. He cooks; I do the dishes. He takes out the trash; I put a new garbage bag in. He screams because a cockroach sneaks up on him, and I go Chuck Norris on its ass with my flip-flop.

I stand corrected. When the nuclear winter hits all that will be left standing are the cockroaches and Chuck Norris.

_Oh come on. It's not a perfect comedic story without a corny Chuck Norris joke, circa 2005._

Maybe this is that kind of story. I'm a joke. My life is one big joke. It's like the sad version of "Joe's Apartment".

_"Bella's Apartment: Where Bella checks in, but she doesn't check out." Coming soon, to a roach motel near you._

I bet that's what'll happen. Edward will move out and those nasty fucks will start talking to me.

Christ.

I shuddered at the thought, and then I wondered what they might say.

Huh?

"_You killed my friend. My cousin and my mother. You cold hearted, single, old bitch!" _

Sounds about right.

"You okay?" Leah asked me.

I smiled in her general direction.

"It's ten to three," she did a little dance. "Time to pack 'em up and ship 'em out."

That's when I did a little dance in my seat, too. The kids were enjoying play time. Leah, my assistant, and I like to keep the kids amped. It's a silent "fuck you" to those snooty fucks—the parents—of these monsters. They're lucky we don't give them candy before we rush them out the door.

Leah and I spoke about Mike Bloomberg, the NYC mayor, until it was time for us to release the hounds—I mean students. Mayor Bloomberg is always a hot topic of discussion. Some say he's destroying the city. Most can't help but comment about his own wealth. I personally don't give a fuck. I don't do politics at all. I listen, but honestly don't have an opinion.

I went crazy for that Jimmy McMillan guy, though. His campaign hit too close to home. I was a firm member of "The rent is too damn high" party. Of course, I have no idea what his other topics of concern were.

Leah rushed out fast. She had to pick up her own kid from school, while I slowly cleaned up my classroom. I didn't feel the need to rush home because Edward will likely be getting ready for his date, and I wanted to look busy? Like I don't care?

All of that was shot to hell when he called my cell. I let it ring three times before I picked it up.

"What?" I asked.

_"Is that the way you greet everyone?"_

I sighed. "I'm busy, Edward. What is it?"

_"Um...this is kind of fucked up, but we get each other, right?"_ He asked.

I slumped my shoulders. "We do...I can agree that we're both a little fucked up."

_"You said it—"_

"On with the story." I waved my hand.

_"I'm a little short on cash—this is fucked even for me—but I was wondering..."_

"You can hold on to your money...pay me when you have it, and have fun on your date." It killed me to say it and be so nice, but I didn't want to be "bitter party of one". I planned to rise above it.

_"Wow!"_ He shouted and then paused. _"But that's not it. I was just wondering if I could cook here. If Irina and I could hang out here?"_

My mouth hung open in shock, like I heard him wrong. Then I came to. "What about—"

_"I thought of that. Now just hear me out...I'll still feed you, make enough for the three of us, and...you can hang out in your bedroom? You do that anyway since I've been living here."_

"No I don't." I argued.

_"Couldn't you tonight? Pretty please? I'll cook and do dishes for a week, and...my income tax is coming soon. It should be enough for me to get a place and be out of your hair for good."_

I swallowed. "Deal. I'll do you one better though..." I took in a deep breath. "I just won't come home."

_"Bella..."_ he let my name hang there.

"No...it's totally fine. I'll call Rose or see if my friend Jake wants to do something," I threw a few legos onto the floor. I didn't care about this shit anymore. The kids will only manage to fuck up the room tomorrow.

_"Who's Jake?"_ He asked.

"A friend from work. Have fun on your date—and you better not fuck her on my bed. I'll figure out a way to kill you, understand?" I grit my teeth together. "Edward, did you hear me? No fucking on my bed!"

_"It's a weeknight. Um...she'll be out early, I promise. This just works out so much better. I can save money and—"_

I pulled the phone away from my ear to end the call. Then I slowly walked back to my desk, and planned to call Rose. I did just that and she picked up right away.

_"Yellow?"_ She laughed.

"Green," I grumbled.

_"Who?"_ She asked.

"Your brother has a date." I whispered. "Why does it bother me?"

She laughed again. _"Cause you're miserable and you want company—I guess this isn't a good time to tell you. I have to cancel this Saturday. I'm going with Emmett out to Jersey. He wants his mom to meet me."_

"Lucky you," I smiled, and I'll never know why she tried to hook me up with him. They slept together, and have been doing so since the Padres whipped some Yankee ass. It's on the down low of course, which is driving Rosalie insane. That's the draw. She likes her job, and did not want to fuck it up with screwing an associate.

_"I hope she likes me..."_

"Can we focus on me?" I asked. "He's cooking dinner for her in my kitchen."

_"So? Is this the young girl that works at Dunkin' Donuts?"_ She asked.

"Starbucks," I corrected her. "He says she's twenty-one. He's almost thirty-one...can you believe that?"

She snorted._ "He's a thirty year old divorced teacher. Only you were dumb enough to bring him home. If you think about it, young girls will probably be the only babes he bags. They don't know any better. They think being a teacher is cool, and regardless of how fucked up he is, he will still seem mature, and now he's not deemed as homeless...he's got that bohemian appeal. Whereas grown women don't find that appealing at all."_

"He said he's moving out soon. He's getting his taxes." I whispered.

_"All five hundred dollars—no wait, I bet he claimed the car. I can't wait to have a kid. Do you know how much you get back with one of those?"_ She asked.

"You also get stretch-marks, a fat ass, and you spend more than you get back—"

_"I want to move out to Jersey. Get a house? Maybe pop out a few munchkins...Can you imagine me and Emmett having a kid?"_ She sounded wistful. _"Oh No! Long Island. We'll live..." _

I hung up on that bitch too.

"Knock-knock!" Jake announced himself. I smiled even though I want to strangle him every time he says "knock-knock" and doesn't actually knock. He stops by every day and every day we say the same thing. I started to play along today, too.

"Hey!" I waved, and kept on smiling. He's really not as bad of a guy as I paint him to be. He's nice, a little too nice, but still a great guy. As per Jake, he comes from a nice family, a normal nuclear family consisting of him, his sister, and his parents who are still married. Jake left his family when he came down to the city for college. He came from upstate New York, close to the Canadian border, where his family lives on a reservation. Now, I know you're all wondering why he's still single. Well, he had a girlfriend in college and they stayed together for a few years after. She broke up with him because he couldn't make a commitment. Meanwhile, since we've met he's been doing nothing but trying to get _me_ to commit.

He smiled widely. "Now there's a happy face!"

I chuckled a bit. "What's up?"

"Just wanted to check in, see how you're doing," he came in to sit on my desk. He looked good, really good, and he wore a sweater vest. He's as handsome as he's always been, with his big brown eyes, perfect smile, and baby face. I just have a fetish for guys in sweater vests. It hugged his broad shoulders, and his khakis fit nice too. His dark eyes smiled, and he didn't have a hair out of place.

I nodded. "I'm good—very good." I went off script with the very.

"Oh?" He went off script too. "How so?"

I gave him a crooked grin and shrugged one shoulder. "You're here now...Guess I'm just happy to see you." I stood from my chair. "Ask me out again." I played with his collar.

He laughed, taking my hands into his own. "Would you like to try this again? Maybe go out to eat?"

I nodded. "Yeah..."

Then he leaned back to look at me. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

I leaned back too. "Well...you know in the movies...how..." I stopped talking.

"Since when are you shy," he touched my cheek. "It's me."

I laughed at myself. "In movies there's always the thirty-something woman looking for love all over. And it just happens to be right under her nose the whole time?"

He knit his brows together. "I don't watch those movies."

I puffed out my cheeks. "I just don't want to risk looking you over anymore."

"You stopped sleeping with me because you said I acted like a bitch."

I winced and stepped back to grab my purse. "I don't feel like going home."

"Where are you going?" he stood from the desk.

"I don't know. I'll get a slice—maybe see a movie."

"Want company?" He asked.

I nodded.

/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/

We never got that slice, but we did go see some Indie film about a boy and his dog. It was horrible. It only lasted an hour and a half, so that was cool.

Then we went back to his apartment. His apartment has always been bug-free and smells of his cologne. He has a cat, which can be a draw, but he's a single man in his late twenties, and likely lonely. It could be worse, I guess. He could have two cats. Then that'd just be weird. Or he could be like me. I don't have a cat. I have Edward, and he doesn't shit in a box, so he's cool.

As soon as the door to his apartment was closed I lunged at him. I kissed him long, deep, and hard as I felt his muscular arms wrap around me and lead me over to the couch. We didn't exchange any words. We just rapidly undressed each other.

Jake has been, not only my fall back guy, but honestly the only guy since I moved to New York. Others have come close, like Emmett, Edward, and fuck me—even Jasper, but since moving here two years ago, Jake has always been my guy.

We knew each other, and we knew our bodies. He knows what gets me off, and I him. So it was no surprise that he threw me down and then got down to his knees.

He was fast to spread my legs and dive head first between them. It was welcomed. When his tongue made that first quick swoop across my clit, I felt myself melting back against the couch.

"Oh God..." my eyes rolled back. No one will ever know just how much I needed this. I came quick. Not only was a tongue a nice break from the ordinary, but I haven't masturbated since Edward moved in. The walls are thin and that'd just be weird. I'll never comment on why his nightly showers take over twenty minutes, but my vibrator is loud. I think it's worn out.

I should invest in a new one.

Jake groaned as he kissed up to my stomach, and then to my breasts. "Should we take this into the bedroom?" He continued to kiss me.

I sighed, bringing my legs together and holding his head close. "Yeah..."

He smiled and gathered me in his arms again. Having sex with Jake has always been an odd venture too. He knows how to fuck—always gets me off—but he has odd preferences.

I do not question the preferences. The first time we had sex it was hot—heavy, and crazy good. We were all over the place, until we started to get used to each other. He began to voice what drives him crazy and asked _"Just how open minded are you, Bella?"_

Many things went through my head at that moment. I thought about butt-plugs, strap on dildos, hitting, flogging, and any other kinky shit you can think of.

Never did I think it was as sick as what he had in mind.

I did it once, and never again. I meet him half way, though.

The kinky shit? Well, he asked me to take a very cold shower, and then lie on my back—completely still.

_What the fuck is that shit about?_

It didn't take a genius to figure it out. My first thought—and only thought—was that Jake might be some closet necrophiliac.

Most of you are probably disgusted—wondering how I could go through with it or even sleep with Jake after that. The truth is, it's just a preference. He will still have regular sex. He'll bounce me off his dick. Hit it from behind, and even do it the regular way and ask me to scream his name.

Remember those lowered standards I was talking about? Well, when everything else fails, lower your standards. You won't be as disappointed.

And Jake wanting to fuck a dead girl is just a little quirk.

But since he went down on me today, I lied completely still underneath him.

"Your skin is so cold..." he ran his hand along my hip.

I didn't move, but a whimper did escape my lips. His hand felt amazing, and when I closed my eyes, I saw a pair of green ones staring back.

That screwed up my role play. I sat up, a little disturbed.

"What's wrong?" Jake asked.

I swallowed, clamping my eyes closed tight and shaking my head. "I think I need a cold shower."

He let out a small noise, something close to a squeal, before he whisked me away to the bathroom.

After all...dead girls can't walk.

We never had sex. Halfway through my cold shower I decided to get the fuck out of there. It wasn't Jake or the cold water hitting my skin, it was me. I wasn't in the mood anymore. I was hungry, and I honestly just wanted my bed.

I faked cramps—a girl's best friend, and then Jake took me for pizza. He doesn't get the mechanics of women, so he didn't question me. Fuck, he didn't even seem like he cared. He stared at me with stars in his eyes, kissed me whenever he could, and always had one of his paws on me.

"You want my sweater? Your hair is still wet?"

I laughed, shaking my head no. "It's like seventy degrees out." I sipped my soda. "This was nice today."

He nodded. "It was...it really was. I'm so glad we did this," he kissed my jaw. "Can I see you this weekend?"

I snapped my fingers. "I have plans with Rose Saturday. How about we meet up Sunday? We can have dinner or something." I lied. If we meet on Saturday, it means one of us will likely sleepover at one of our places, but a Sunday date means an early night.

He kissed that same spot again. "You got it." He looked to his watch. "It's getting late..."

I paused. Even if I faked cramps, it was only to get out of the sex. Even if I wanted to go home, I couldn't, and it took everything in me not to ask Jake if I could spend the night.

"You taking a taxi or the subway?" He asked.

"Subway." I whispered. "And no you don't have to accompany me." I smiled.

"Are we dating, fucking as friends again—what?" He asked.

"The second one...We can work at it—see how it goes?" I asked. "You're an amazing guy, and you don't annoy me. I just wish—"

"I didn't take longer than you to get ready. That I wasn't so neat. That I don't—"

"You're fine." I stopped him. "You're an adult, not a bitch—I'm immature." I stuck out my tongue. "I'm sorry I said that. I'm not perfect. You're not perfect, but I like you the way you are, and you like me the way I am. I guess I just wanted this version of perfect that doesn't exist." I looked down, feeling like some jacked up version of Dr. Phil.

Truth be told I had no idea what I was saying. I knew what this was, and I knew what I didn't want to do. I knew I was latching on to Jake because I didn't want to be left behind. I don't want to be single when I turn thirty.

And I sure as fuck don't want to lead him on. "We'll be friends...and the sex is just a nice perk...when we have it. Sorry about today." I palmed my stomach.

He nodded. "Sounds good to me and don't worry about it." He leaned his forehead to my cheek. "We can 68 anytime you want."

I laughed. I don't think I've heard that number referenced that way since high school.

From there he walked me to the subway. Then I waited for the "B" train to take me back uptown. The ride was quick, and then I slowly walked the few blocks to my apartment. I still didn't want to go home. It was only just approaching eight O'clock, but with working adults during the week, we're in bed by nine to get up at six.

I'm never in bed that early. I know Jake makes a conscience effort to be in bed that early though.

I managed to walk one avenue, the slowest I could, and it still only took me less than ten minutes. If we lived in a perfect world, I could walk a few blocks over and hang out in Central Park. I'd sit on a rock and contemplate my life, but since I don't feel like getting gang raped and then murdered, I stayed on walking towards my place.

"Hey Bella...Bella..."

I turned to a stumbling Harry. I'm not quite sure if he's a drunk or a crackhead—he might be both—but he's a nice guy nonetheless. He's homeless. He sleeps in Central Park, probably on a rock, actually. And he's always trying to sell you something. He's a nice guy, always lurking between the subway and the chicken spot, so we've built a rapport.

"Hey Harry." I waved. "Whatcha got there?" I smiled at the type writer he had in his hands. The cord attached to it was dragging on the sidewalk.

"There's that bitch, Sue!" He shouted. "You stole my newspaper!"

I turned, and sure enough Sue—an actual crackhead—was walking towards us.

"I have two pennies," she told me.

"That's wonderful," I nodded and turned back to Harry.

"So you want this?" He held out the type writer to me. "Two dollars."

I shook my head no.

"You never want anything. When—when you gonna learn—you gotta take shit." He stumbled again. "Grab life by the balls and run with it—buy this," he went to hand it to me again.

I smiled, shaking my head no again. "I'm good, Harry. I gotta go. Be nice to Sue." I patted his arm as I walked past him, and continued my journey home.

When I approached my building I tried to peek into the window. I live on the ground floor, and I saw that the lights were on. They weren't dimmed down and the television didn't appear to be on. But I sat on the stoop and sulked for a while anyway. I played a few rounds of Angry Birds on my phone. As soon as I got to where you get three small birds instead of the fat red ones, I quit. I have yet to master the three bird toss.

Then of course I checked Facebook. Rose's latest status update featured the lyrics of R. Kelly's "down low". I scrolled down to see Jake's "Had the best day, followed by the best night".

That made me smile. It also made me get up from the stoop and brush off my ass. What was I so afraid of? This is my fucking apartment. I'll go in, be polite to his date, and go into my bedroom. It's late. I can make an exception and be in bed before nine, right?

I blew out a breath and let myself into the building. Then I put one foot in front of the other while I walked to my door. I paused in front of it. I heard laughing, voices, and some music—and all that? It made me smile for some reason too.

Why can't the poor guy be happy? He's had a real shitty hand dealt to him.

"I wish you the best," I whispered as I turned the key in the lock.

When I entered the apartment they were both sitting on the couch. There were a few plates on the coffee table and some wine. They looked cozy, but Edward jumped up as soon as he realized I was home.

"Don't get up for me," I tried not to look at his date as much as I could. As far as I could tell she was young, blonde, and beautiful. She had a great figure and looked kind of tall. She wasn't standing, but she had pretty long legs.

"I was wondering when you'd be back. Did you have a good time?"

I swallowed, tearing my eyes away from the floor. He looked good, nervous as fuck, but just as handsome as he always does. He wore a green t-shirt, some jeans, and sneakers—Edward's uniform. "I had a great time." I shrugged, making eye contact with his date. "I'm Bella," I put out my hand.

"Irina," she giggled.

"This is the kind and generous woman who's letting me rent this comfortable couch from her." He rolled his eyes.

I shook my head no. "I'm neither of the two. I rob him blind just so he can sleep on the couch."

Edward chuckled nervously.

Irina was too busy on her cell phone.

"I'll just—" I pointed to my bedroom.

"She was just leaving anyway." He said.

I nodded. "Don't leave for me." I said.

"She has an early class tomorrow," he reached out to touch my hair. "Why is your hair damp?"

I grinned. "It was raining earlier."

"No...it wasn't." Edward stared at me, like I was lying. The nerve of him.

"You done with this then?" I pointed to the wine.

He grabbed the bottle and placed in my hand. "Enjoy."

"I plan to." I looked to Irina. "It was great meeting you. I hope to see you soon."

"Likewise." She never looked up at me.

When I entered my bedroom I let out a huge gust of breath. Then I stripped down and put on some pajamas. I brushed through the mess that was my clumped, damp hair. Then I silently sat in my bed with the bottle of wine. I didn't drink any; I just sat there and stared up to the ceiling.

While I did so, I heard the door open and close.

A sigh escaped my lips. Overall, I had nothing to fear and I was being ridiculous.

Ten of the slowest minutes passed by and then I heard the door open again. I really wanted the scoop on his date, but I couldn't imagine asking.

Then after another five minutes ticked by, I left my bedroom.

Edward sat on the couch with his forearm covering his face. He looked troubled, but that's not what caught my attention. What caught my attention was the type writer sitting on the coffee table.

"You met Harry." I said, placing the wine bottle down next to it.

"Nice guy." Edward picked his head up. "I got this for a steal—two fifty." He laughed.

"Huh?" I sat on the couch. "He offered it to me for two."

"He's probably a sucker for those doe-like eyes you got there—" he whacked me with his pillow.

I laughed and hugged it to myself. "What are you going to do with it?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Nothing, but it makes for a good story. How I once bought a type writer from a crackhead." He looked back to me. "So where were you really?"

"You're my father now?" I asked. "I told you. I was with a friend."

"Right..." he sighed. "Do you know who Justin Bieber is?"

I laughed. "You teach high school and you don't know what a Belieber is?" I asked.

He shook his head. "I also have no idea who those Jersey Shore douches are. Irina kept asking me—you don't want to hear this, do you?" He frowned.

I shook my head. "I don't." I lied.

"Figured that." He sat back.

"Did you kiss her?" I blurted and then covered my mouth with my hand.

He nodded. "I did...she has a tongue ring. I don't get that."

I let out a shaky laugh. "You act like you're fifty—my God."

"No...I get it. I know what its purpose is. I just don't understand why someone would consciously put a hole in their tongue. Not to mention that she has a tattoo above her ass. I know that as a tramp stamp—and again I can't imagine why someone would knowingly mark their bodies forever. And why would you want to be marked as a tramp? With the tongue ring, she's saying "I give head" and with the tattoo she's saying "I'm a tramp". It all makes no sense to me."

"A lot of things don't make sense, grandpa." I took a swig of wine. "Want?"

He nodded. "Please," he gulped some down. "She didn't even eat. She's a fucking vegan."

"I thought you said she ate meat?" I laughed.

"Very funny—but like...like I'm some fucking mind reader? She had to tell me and when she told me, it was as if I should have already known. That vegan shit has come and gone already—Tanya..." he stopped talking, and he never even says her name.

"Tanya?" I prompted.

He shook his head. "That bitch had me eating bean burgers for two months—two fucking months. Imagine not having—fuck—anything. I don't get that either." He smacked his palm down. "You know? When shit was better? Like before I got married, and I dated, I would send this one flowers, an awkward e-mail, and then go on with my life. Now, all I can think of is what if this is it for me? Why not make the best of what I do have—I'm rambling. You already tolerate me, and I'm—"

I placed my hand on top of his. "I get it." I said.

"You get it," he scoffed. "You can have anyone out there. Shit...you were on a roll for a while there."

"After six months of nothing," I frowned. "Bean burgers aren't the worst compromise. But I get that she's a hypocrite—last I heard pussy was a living organism."

"So true—see this? This is an adult conversation." He waved a hand.

I nodded, patting his thigh. "I should go to bed." I stood up to walk back to my bedroom. When I was in the doorway, I turned back to him. "She's out there. She may not be Irina or Tanya, but your girl is out there." I looked down. "-and don't come back with a smart ass remark, because I need to believe this...there is someone out there for everybody. And we just have to wait—I just hope I don't meet Mr. Right after menopause." I laughed.

When I picked my head up to look at him he looked incredibly sad. "He's out there." He whispered. "You just have to realize how special you are. That night—when we were in there?" He pointed behind me. "I meant what I said. You're a great person. For some reason...I...I knew that the minute I saw you. You're beautiful and you have a great sense of humor—he's out there." He looked away from me.

I gave him a small smile. "Thank you...goodnight."

He nodded. "Goodnight."

**As always, thank you for reading. Any thoughts? Please leave them. I have chapter 4 ready and chapter 5 halfway written. Eeeep! I love these guys already. Quiet Storm is back from the beta and scheduled to be updated on Wednesday. **

**Thank you!**


	4. Odd Bird

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Beta'd by aeglow **

**Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing. How is this story really? We're getting there...to the E/B, and I have 3 more chaps written for this, but I'm thinking of pulling this fic (shrugs) anyway, here's an early treat, and I hope you all enjoy.**

**Oh...and E/B are not together yet, so don't fault them for the crap they do. lol. And Edward is not innocent. He's up to no good in the next chap and ch6**

"**Outside the Box" chapter 4: Odd Bird**

**D**espite waking up extremely late and arriving late to work this morning, I was having a pretty good day. Last night was the first of what is the start of many hot nights to come.

No. No. Don't get your knickers is a knot. It was hot as hell, temperature wise. I sweat my ass off, and tossed and turned until I passed out at around three a.m.

I shot up at twenty after seven, rushed to shower, threw on some rags, and ran to work. I was still late, but God bless Leah. She handled it all well, and even talked me down after I berated myself for nearly twenty minutes.

I may not be happy with my job, but I'm never late.

Plus, I was very excited to get this day over with. It's Friday. We had a half day today, and there's no school on Monday.

Yes. That's right, it is Memorial Day weekend.

I wish I had exciting plans but I don't. I actually have a crap-load of work to do. Since it's the end of the year I have to do student evaluations.

I plan to do it all today, do nothing tomorrow, and then try to do something before the weekend is over, and then I'll do nothing again on Monday—including my laundry.

As I walked towards my apartment with a bag full of paperwork hanging from my shoulder, I wore a smile.

The school year is almost over, and then I can do what I enjoy most. During the summer months, I take a week off, and then work part time at the Museum of Natural History. I don't do anything special, like give tours or dust off the displays; I work in the gift shop. I love it though. It's air conditioned, and I get to walk around the museum as much as I want. I have an excuse to because I work there.

Sometimes I think back and wonder if I made the right decision. I was offered a position at the local high school in my home town, but I declined. When I first left school I applied everywhere, even at Thornton Preparatory School here in New York City. I did it on a whim, figured it was a long shot, and when I got that call I couldn't be happier. I was going to move to New York, start my life—my career—in this exciting and new city.

I would meet new people, finally fall in-love, and live happily ever after.

Needless to say it hasn't panned out that way.

Still waiting with my fingers crossed.

Things could be worse, though, right?

I think that should be my slogan.

Even so, I felt that nothing was going to get me down today. I'm going to install my air conditioner, and get busy on some paperwork.

"Hey you, little birdie." I laughed, staring down to a pigeon on the stoop. "Wish I had some bread for you." Then something odd happened. The pigeon looked up to me, like he understood me. He also tilted his head to the side which made me do the same. "Can you understand me?" I asked.

Before I could process it the pigeon attacked me. He flew in my general direction—right into my face—and I swung my bag at him while a horrified scream escaped my lips. The bag made contact.

I jumped back, and stared curiously as the bird shook it off, and then flew away from me.

"That's right—you fucking—fuck pigeon!" I shouted after him. I've survived two years in this city and I'll be damned if I'm taken out by a flying rat. Fuck that. The whole process lasted thirty seconds at best, yet I found myself winded.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

I jumped and turned to Edward. "How are you always sneaking up on me like that?" I shouted. "You had a half day too?" I stared at him.

He nodded. "Yeah...but what the fuck was that?" He looked so sexy. He wore a sweater vest—a God damn sweater vest with matching khakis, and when my eyes finished their assault on his bod, they landed on his feet. He was wearing brown loafers.

I have a hard-on for loafers too.

In case you haven't noticed, I'm an odd bird.

"He started it," I mumbled.

"He what? Have you finally gone insane?" He asked.

I licked my lips as my eyes focused on his Adam's apple. I'm wearing sunglasses, so I'm going to hope he can't see that I'm scoping him. "He—he..." he licked his lips, and I was suddenly tongue tied. Then he raised his arm to run his long fingers through that hair of his. He only managed to make it messier, but it still worked for him.

"He, he, what?" He took a step towards me. "Bella, you okay?"

I blew out a breath and looked towards the street. "He flew into me. I got scared and swung. That's all. We had polite conversation beforehand..." I chanced a glance back to him. "I didn't mean it."

"But you're okay?" He slapped his hand down on my shoulder. "Good..."

I swallowed. "Wh-why are you wearing a sweater vest? It's so hot out. Don't wear them anymore...please?"

He furrowed his brows. "Uh—I need to do laundry. This was all I had, and there's a stain on this shirt—I had to cover it up, but if the vest offends you, I'll try not to wear it."

"Thank you," I whispered, suddenly an overheated mess.

"I'm glad I caught you actually..." he fanned out the vest. "Damn...it is hot."

"What's up?" I snapped myself out of it. Damn that vest is more like it. He was killing me with that vest.

"Well...my buddy is free this afternoon, and is going to give me a hand. I was wondering if I could grab my sofa out of storage. It's a sleeper sofa, so I would actually have a bed. I'd put your couch in storage, and then when I move...um...I'll bring it back. Would that be okay with you?"

I nodded. "What color is your sofa?"

"It'll match—don't worry. I'll also be out of your hair this weekend."

"Oh?" I asked. "Big plans for the weekend?" My breathing was back to normal, but I was so excited. If he's gone I can masturbate all weekend. Lord knows I need it. I'm trying something new. Jake and I are just hanging out, not too often, but enough. We decided to work on us, before we work on the physical.

And living with Edward is not helping, at all. He tests my control every day. He may not be a catch to conventional standards. He's annoying as hell, but he is still so God damn yummy to me.

It makes me sick.

It also makes me even hornier if that's possible.

For the record, if any of you bitches lived with Edward, you'd have the same problem too.

Just saying...

"My parents are having a barbeque. They celebrate the beginning of the summer with close friends—out in South Hampton. I plan to veg by the pool all weekend. It's supposed to hit ninety."

"Oh right!" I shouted. Rose told me earlier in the week that she planned to bring Emmett out there to meet her parents. "Are you bringing Irina?" I asked. He hasn't spoken about her since they went out again two weeks ago, and I was terribly curious. He didn't tell me, but Rose told me that she gave him a blow job.

"Oh God...what would make you think of her?" He chuckled and walked around me.

I chuckled. "Rose said she gave you a hummer—"

"Ah—geez. I gotta stop telling her shit...um...are you mad?"

"Me?" I laughed some more. "Why would I be mad? I bet you like tongue rings now. Good for you!" I lightly punched his bicep. "So why didn't it work out?"

He shrugged. "She said she would call me and she hasn't. I haven't called her, so—out of sight out of mind? I'm not an asshole—I said no to the BJ, but—"

I rolled my eyes. "When I woman is willing...right?"

"No—"

"You don't have to explain yourself to me, okay? I hope it was good though. You needed it." I said.

He nodded. "Can we go in? I need to change." He fanned the vest again.

I laughed, and followed him into the building.

He stopped short and so did I. "What would make you think I was still seeing her? I haven't said a word about her."

I shrugged, wondering what the big deal was. "You didn't say you stopped, so I just assumed you'd bring her home to meet your folks." The light was fairly dim in the hallway, plus I had my sunglasses, so barely I saw him. Thank God. He was standing a little too close. "Why are you being so nice to me?" I asked.

He laughed again. "I—uh—my tax check wasn't what I thought it'd be, and I'm getting used to your shit. So I may have to stay longer than planned." He looked down. "Would that be okay with you too?"

I nodded. "I'm getting used to you too." I quickly walked around him to get into the apartment.

"Um..." he stopped me again.

"What is it?" I asked. "Is everything okay?" I grew concerned. He's being nice, and normally I would think he's up to something, but since he's already come out with his requests, I expected him to be an ass again.

"So, what's your deal with sweater vests?"

I grinned, and felt my face flush. "Can we just go in?" I turned, placing my key into the lock.

"Oh I get it..." he laughed.

Now that had my attention. "Get what?" I pushed the door open and turned back to him. He wore the silliest little grin which looked more like a smirk. Usually when I make that face I'm plotting something.

"Edward..." I poked his stomach.

He sighed. "Nothing...no sweater vests. Got it." He walked in past me while taking said sweater vest off, followed by his shirt. "Whew," he fanned himself with his clothes.

"...you've been sent from hell to torture me." I whispered.

"What?...hey, I have an AC in storage too. Mind if I get that?"

I stared at him. He looked good, sexy even—he was toned with abs, a little on the skinny side, but not unfortunate. He looked just as I remembered. You would think that living with a male has gotten me used to seeing one without a shirt. It hasn't—not at all. Edward is dressed all the time. When he first moved in I will admit that I used to lurk around the bathroom after his shower time—just curious—wanting to see that perfect peen again. But he never left the bathroom unless he was dressed.

"Bella?" Now he definitely wore a smirk. "Everything okay?" He took a step towards me. "This is okay?" He gestured to himself. "I wouldn't want to tempt a rapist."

I gasped. "I thought we were past that?" My eyes came to focus on a bead of sweat that slowly slid down his chest.

I never considered myself a religious person, but I think God put Edward in my path just to fuck with me a little more. I can't stand him. Meanwhile, we have this unspoken friendship. Not to mention that I am incredibly attracted to him—like insanely. If he could just sit around my apartment looking all hot without speaking, he'd be perfect.

I snapped out of staring at his chest when I noticed a few seconds had gone by, and Edward was suddenly staring at my chest. Huh?

"Edward?" I stood up straight.

He cleared his throat, seemingly flustered. "Uh...what?"

I laughed. "You can have the AC...the electric bill will be more...but it gets to be like an oven in here, so it's cool." I said. "I have one for the bedroom too."

He nodded. "I won't wear the sweater vest. If you don't—" he paused.

I grinned, taking a step towards him. "Don't what?"

He shook his head. "Nothing. I'm making a sandwich, want one?"

"No...I'm not very hungry," I pointed to the bag on my shoulder. "I want to attack this crap I have, so I can do nothing all weekend."

He started walking towards the kitchen and I went towards my bedroom. "No plans? Nothing?"

I shook my head no.

"Did you want to come out to Long Island? There's plenty of space, a pool, and maybe you can pick up a sugar daddy." He laughed loudly.

I reached out and pinched his nipple as hard as I could.

"Ouch!" he pushed me away. "What is that matter with you?"

"Me? What is the matter with you? We were cool, and now suddenly I'm a rapist who needs a sugar daddy?" I hated myself for getting all sensitive, but I really thought we were making progress. "It's not funny—you're giving me a complex."

He groaned. "I know—I'm sorry," and that was the first time it ever sounded sincere. "I didn't mean it, and you know you're wonderful. You're so—"

"Don't start that." I walked past him and into my bedroom. I closed the door behind myself to lean against it, all while I knew Edward was leaning on the other side. "You don't need to over compensate—compliment me because you've insulted me. Just don't do it anymore, and I won't do it to you."

"I'm really sorry," I heard him whisper. "You're so cool—like one of the guys? I feel I can say whatever, and it's a goof. I forget that you have feelings and shit. My bad."

I frowned. "One of the guys?"

"You know what I mean," and I didn't know why I found that to be insulting. A few weeks back he admitted he would have dated me, and now I'm a buddy.

And I didn't know why I cared.

_Yes, this is one of those stories._

"I do know what you mean," I whispered and pushed myself away from the door. I threw my bags down and tore off my own shirt before I threw myself back onto my bed.

It was sweltering in my bedroom. Life suddenly sucked again, and I found myself dozing off.

**Edward**

I felt like shit after Bella went into her room. Then after a few moments of silence I made my sandwich, ate it, waited for her to come out, and then I left.

I don't mean to offend her. Christ. It has come to be so bad that I blurt out insults so I don't blurt out how I really feel.

And now...

What if she kicks me out?

This wasn't like her. She usually gets upset, and then insults me back. Truth be told, I don't mind the insults—it's something, and something is better than nothing.

I'm a fool.

I also have many friends' houses I can stay at, and a big fat check from the IRS, but I don't want to leave.

Since I've come to stay here, I'm not as miserable as I once was. I don't know what it is about, but I have rationalized quite a few things. I over think everything, and this was no exception. Most of my adult life was spent with Tanya—that cold hearted bitch. I'm used to living with a female. I like the scent of their shampoo, nearly cutting my foot open because there's a razor blade at the bottom of the tub, their laugh, their—everything.

I've never lived on my own. Before Tanya and I were married I lived at home. I never got a dorm in college because I never left the city.

I also liked being married, and living here is like being married. We eat dinner together. We talk about our days. We watch television together. We laugh and goof around. We text now, instead of calling, and we don't have sex. It's exactly like being married, only Bella doesn't bitch me out. Nor does she truly give a fuck about the things I do, even if I wish she did.

Oh, and I only throw the rape thing in her face because I keep waiting for her to do it. I know she's attracted to me. The woman drives me crazy by staring at me like she wants to eat me, so I try to get her to do it more often.

A few weeks ago she fell asleep on the couch. She also spoke in her sleep. She moaned out something about sweater vests and then dead girls. I don't know what that dead girl shit was about, but even in sleep she got pretty damn excited about sweater vests.

So I bought one.

And I pulled it out today in hopes that she'd rape me.

And then maybe come out to Long Island with me for the weekend, so I can show her a good time. I was looking forward to this weekend. I had both tonight and tomorrow night off from the bistro, and there's no school on Monday. I looked forward to spending a lot of time with Bella.

"I'm out of ideas, man." I groaned as James helped me lift my sofa out of his work truck.

"She sounds fucking horrible. I don't know why you don't call that Irina chick back." We managed to ease it onto the sidewalk.

"Now _she_ was horrible..." and I wouldn't dare tell James the reasons why she's horrible. She's not Bella, and I'm the saddest fucker on the planet.

"You still going out to Long Island tonight?"

I shrugged. "I don't know..."

"Let it go. From what it sounds like—you two are in the friend zone, and once females befriend males...they tend to not want to screw that up. You know?" He stared at me. "Forget about her. You need to let go of whatever is going on in your head, and get laid already."

"It's not that easy..." I leaned on the sofa. "You don't—"

He groaned. "No...I get it. The only woman you ever fucked was Tanya, but you gotta let that shit go. She moved on, and now you should too."

"I'm over it." I waved my hand. "I wish Tanya and Kate the best—"

"That's your problem," he pointed at me. "When that bitch decked you—woman or no woman—you should have clocked her back. If Kate wants to dress like a man, walk like a man, and punch like one. She can get bopped back like a man. That's all I'm saying. You let all the women in your life walk all over you, including this Bella. It's a concern of mine. What's so special about her?"

"I'm fine." I said. "-and there's nothing special. I just came so close, and now I'm so far, yet I sleep less than 20 feet from her...No...she is special. There's something—"

"Edward?"

"Hmm?" I picked my head up to look at him.

"Let it go. Move out because you need to move on with your life or just tell her how you feel. If you don't tell her, how is she supposed to know? Do it...if you can't let it go, do it before you two get any closer."

I shook my head no. "I can't do that. Every time I try I ramble on about nonsense, insult her, or she insults me before I have the chance—it's fucked." I blew out a breath. "Plus...maybe there is something to this friend zone, cause now that I think about it, I'd rather stay friends with her. It's better than nothing, and..."

"Man. The. Fuck. Up!" He shouted at me. "Go out to Long Island—screw that Chelsea chick that's been chasing you since we're fifteen, and then when you come home—you start over—a fresh start. You just need one good lay—get it out your system. Do that. Find the rebound girl. 'Cause if you like this Bella, you don't want her to be a rebound girl. Chelsea—now there's a rebound girl."

I laughed. "I wouldn't fuck Chelsea with your dick."

"You sure you're not a homo?" He laughed too.

"I have standards. That hardly makes me a homosexual." I said.

"Whatever...Can we get this shit inside? If I'm not home by nine Vic is going to be on my ass. She's ovulating or some bullshit."

I nodded and bent low to grab the couch. I lied and told Rose that James was getting on my nerves. When my best friend and his wife were really more than welcoming. I just didn't like hearing them fuck all the time.

That was the most hurtful. Tanya and I were miserable, but we had some silly idea that a baby might change that. We agreed to have a baby, right before we were separated. I grew to like the idea, not to mention that screwing my wife again would have been welcomed.

Then to come home and see my wife screwing a chick in my bed, and then for that she-beast to punch me in the jaw—it was a real low blow.

I groaned as we eased the sofa into the living room. We had already removed Bella's couch, so we didn't have any problems getting it in the exact same spot.

"This is a nice place," he looked around.

"I know. I tell Bella that all the time, but she thinks it's a dump."

"Bella says. Bella thinks—" he rolled his eyes.

"Shh!" I rushed out.

He looked around again. "It doesn't look like anyone is here."

I looked around too. Then I checked the kitchen, saw the bathroom door open, and then knocked on Bella's bedroom door.

I received no answer.

"I guess you're right." I walked the four feet back into the living room. "Thanks for today—shit! We forgot the AC."

"You forgot." He snorted. "We'll pick it up during the week—I really gotta get going."

I reached out to slap my hand to his. "Thanks, man."

"Chelsea." He nodded. "One quick-" he punched the air. "-and you'll be back in the game. Sex hasn't changed since the last time you had it. You pull off that band-aid, and you do it quick. It'll be like riding a bicycle."

I nodded back, thinking he might be right. Bella was the first woman I saw that actually woke me up. I had been in some hazy fog for months and didn't look at anyone, but I noticed her. I thought if I dated I could forget her—or that stupid attempt at playing the jealousy card when I brought Irina here on our date.

It was when she didn't care that I knew she really didn't care.

I let James out and then undressed to lay back on the sofa. It was a terrible idea because it's a leather sofa and my skin became glued to it.

Nevertheless, I turned on the television, grabbed my loafer, and sat back to watch some television. I still have every intention of going out to the Hamptons this weekend, I just wanted to wait for traffic to subside.

And for Bella. When she comes home I'll ask her again before I take off.

I was just catching the ass end of "Family Guy" when a cockroach came about. I got him with the loafer and sat back again.

Then I nearly had a heart attack as I saw Bella quietly leave her bedroom. It was a nice surprise because she seemed to be only wearing her bra and a skirt. I'd never open my mouth to say anything, but this isn't the first time. She often forgets that I'm here, emerges from her room half asleep, goes to the bathroom, and then goes back to bed.

I didn't make a sound, because like always—I didn't want to embarrass her. Also, she doesn't need to dress for me.

I silently winced as I watched her bump into a wall. She didn't go to the bathroom. She went into the kitchen. This was different, and I bet she will be fully awake by the time she emerges, but I didn't make a move to dress.

Because once again, being nearly naked in the same vicinity as her is probably the closest thing to sex I'll be having.

"Loafers..."

I looked back to the archway of the kitchen to see Bella with a spoon and some yogurt. She was staring at the shoe in my hand.

"I didn't think you were home."

"Why are you naked?" She whispered.

"It's hot." I looked back to the television. "-and I'm in boxers. That's not naked." I waited for a response and when I didn't get one I looked back to her. She looked beautiful, even if her hair was a mess and makeup pooled around her eyes. She looked like a drunken nightmare—a beautiful drunken nightmare.

"You okay?" I asked.

She swallowed. "I'm not wearing a shirt, am I?"

I grinned. "No...you're not." I looked back to the television. "I'm heading out soon. You sure you don't want to come?"

She scoffed at me. "Why? So I can whore around your parents' estate and pick up a sugar daddy?"

I chuckled. "Whatever floats your boat, sweetheart. Don't come, but you can replace my yogurt—"

"You want your yogurt?" And then that crazy bitch chucked it at me.

"What the fuck was that for?" I tried to wipe some away and just made it worse.

"Look, I get that your life is shit, but you live here for practically nothing. So if I want some fucking yogurt, I'll have some—and put some fucking clothes on!" She stormed away from me. "And another thing," she turned back to me. "This obviously isn't working out. You should go..." she looked down. "We were fine. Now that I don't get, and now—now you're..." she let out a groan of frustration and ran back into her bedroom.

I slumped my shoulders and sat, covered in yogurt, all while I wondered what I said wrong. We were kidding around, and usually it's no big deal, but just like earlier Bella got upset.

I jumped up to talk to her as she ran back into the living room. She had a shirt on now, and as she walked she threw on some shoes.

"Where are you going?"

"Out...I need...I need something. Have a nice weekend." She bolted for the door, and so did I.

"Wait," I grabbed her arms. "I'm sorry for being a dick."

"You're always sorry—look, go don't go, I don't give a fuck—just get out of my way." She wouldn't even look at me.

"You realize that you're upset over words, right? That I was just being a dick?"

She palmed my junk and squeezed hard. It caused me to cringe back.

"If you want to keep your dick, you'll move out of my way," she seethed.

I moved out of her way, and then she was gone.

While I showered, I thought about what James had said. Bella was a lost cause, and maybe my like for her was all in my head. She was just someone that opened my eyes to the opposite sex again.

When I left the bathroom I called my old childhood friend Chelsea. She's really not that unfortunate looking at all, I just can't stand her. But maybe if I got back into the game, things would change. James was so right to suggest Chelsea too.

Maybe I am a dick. If I sleep with Chelsea and the sex is bad, I won't berate myself or give a fuck after.

And then when I come back Monday, I'll start looking for a place. Bella was right. I do live here for practically nothing. I have some money saved—just in case something like this happened—and my tax check, just sitting there in my bank account.

Chelsea said she was leaving in the morning.

I said I'd drive her.

**Bella**

I thanked my lucky stars that Jake was home. I couldn't run to Rosalie since she had already left town for the weekend, so I came here. I just needed some space from Edward, and now as I shower, and have literally cooled off some, I feel kind of bad.

I shrugged all that away. I'll tell him he can stay when he comes back Monday.

_When did this story turn into a drama?_

When I emerged from the bathroom Jake smiled at me from the couch. "Feeling better?"

I nodded. "Thanks...for...well, everything."

"No need to thank me, but I'd really like to know what's been bugging you lately."

I smiled at him again, and walked to sit next to him. Then I stopped. "You have shorts and a shirt or something?" I asked, tightening my towel.

"I left them on my bed."

"Oh...thank you." I said, and turned towards his bedroom. Right before I entered, I felt him wrap his arms around me.

"Sorry," he whispered, moving my wet hair away from my shoulder. "You just look too beautiful."

I smiled, and turned to wrap my arms around his neck. "Thanks for that."

His face fell. "What is going on with you? You seem—just not you," he bent his head low to kiss my neck.

"Just stress. My roommate...he's just driving me crazy—"

"Your friends' brother? Just tell him to go."

"I did." I whispered.

"Good...cause you can't keep being miserable, just because you're trying to be a nice person," he stared at my lips. "Or are you just sexually frustrated—cause you know...that even though, we decided to take it slow this time around, I'm down." He laughed. "It's been a long time...for the both of us, and you forget that I know you and know how you get."

I laughed too. "Maybe. I can't even, you know. Take care of myself cause he's always there."

"You are kind of loud, and that would be weird. I get it..."

I smiled widely at him. Even with his quirks he's still amazing. He always says the right things. He's incredibly mature, and he knows me. "Take me to bed." I crashed my lips to his.

When he brought me into the bedroom, I lost the towel quick, and then I felt incredibly sexy as he lost his shit—not his clothes. He kissed me in a frenzy, held me so tight, and God—he was doing everything right.

Again, he didn't waste any time. He kissed all along my body—he worshipped my fucking body, before he ran his tongue down my folds. I spread my legs wider, scooted my hips lower, and wove my fingers into his hair.

His tongue continued to feel amazing, but I wanted something else—something I've been dying for.

"Stop..." I moaned out.

He kissed along my thigh. "Hmmm?" He continued to kiss me.

"G-get a condom," I swallowed.

He jumped out from between my legs very quickly after that statement. He undressed, and grabbed a rubber.

I scooted myself higher onto the bed and rose to my knees. "Come here," I called him with my finger once he had placed it on. Jake's body is amazing. He has washboard abs, very muscular arms, and his thighs are pretty thick, athletic.

I kissed him again, and wondered why I wasn't truly into it. Then I shrugged that all away. This was about the principle. He gets off. I get off, and a penis will actually enter my vagina—it always boils down to mechanics.

I should tell Rosalie that. I did mention it when she brought it up, all that crap about Edward's ex-wife. Regardless of how much of a man Edward is or isn't, he still has a penis, and Tanya wanted pussy. It wasn't his fault.

And he should know that.

Did anyone ever tell him that?

Did anyone ever try to talk to him and find out how he really felt, instead of waving him away because he said something stupid, like I did?

Was anyone around to wipe his tears—he's seems like the type to cry—when all that went down?

I closed my eyes, running my hands along his torso—Edward's torso. I saw Edward in my mind, and this time I wasn't freaked out. "You're okay," I breathed.

"Fuck...I'm fantastic now...now that I have you," he bit down on my nipple.

I shuddered, holding his head close as I collapsed back against the pillows. He kissed along my body again, and if it was possible I smiled wider with every kiss he planted. "Please..." my body shook when he twirled his finger around my clit.

"Bella...look at me," he whispered.

I kept my eyes closed. "I am—I see you," I kissed him hard, running my hands through his full head of copper hair. His emerald green eyes smiled back at me, while he held me closer than physically possible—and even that wasn't enough, but just like I knew he would be, he was hesitant. "Don't be nervous..." I breathed.

"I'm not," he growled out.

"Good...cause it's just me—just Bella—your friend," I rolled us over to straddle his lap.

"Bella," he cupped my cheek, his voice laced with concern. "Why are you crying? Please...look at me, if you don't want to...we don't have to," he rubbed my eyebrow with his thumb.

I swallowed, my breathing a ragged mess as I opened my eyes.

I didn't know why my cheeks were wet, but as I gazed down to Jake, I wanted to cry. "I—I was just—just happy." I said, and it wasn't a lie.

"Me too," he smiled, drawing my face down to his. Edward kissed me so passionately that a fire ignited. I reveled in the feel of having his hands run down my torso and back up to cup my breasts, as his long fingers tweaked my nipples.

"That feels—that feels," I panted. "I—I..." I grasped onto his cock and eased away to align myself with it. "It's just me—are you sure?" I moaned out, rubbing his dick against my clit. "...not a rapist." I swished it around a bit.

He chuckled. "God that feels good, baby...what are you talking about?"

I ignored him and eased down on his cock. We let out collected groans as he filled me, and my body instantly relaxed. He'd never know just how much I needed this. I hung my head, planted my hands against his toned chest, and began to move my hips.

"...God...you're so tight." He placed his hands on my hips.

"Told you—I'm—not—loose," I picked up the pace a little.

He pushed the hair away from my face. "I never said that."

I ignored him, because I didn't want to start one of our bickering matches now. Edward's cock felt really fucking awesome. "Touch me," I placed his hands on my breasts. "You—always—look—touch them," I went even faster is that was possible, and raked my nails down his chest.

He groaned. "Easy baby...I'm not going anywhere."

"Oh..." I tossed my head and arched my back. "No...I don't want you to—stay." I gasped out.

"Shit...fuck...I promise...I won't go anywhere...I'll...I'll be here," I felt him sit up and hug himself to me. I planted my lips against his to groan into his mouth. Then I slowed down to lean my forehead to his, and with every thrust of my hips, he managed to smile wider, as his green eyes smoldered into mine.

I was lost and then actually lost my shit when he began to twirl one of those long fingers around my clit. "Oh God..." I held onto him tighter, and ground my hips down slow and hard. I couldn't get enough. I needed all of it—I was ready to take whatever he was willing to give.

"...so fucking wet."

"All for you!" I pushed him back, grasped his shoulders, and fucked him with everything I had. I remembered him folding my laundry last week with the widest smile—I fucked to that.

I also fucked to his messy hair, his tired eyes after a long day at school, his long fingers, his lanky—yet sexy frame, his normal name, his fucked up life, his yogurt, sweater vests, and even his motherfucking—

"LOAFERS!" I screamed, relishing in wave after wave of euphoria. I screamed so loud I gasped for air, as my body twitched a little.

I had slowed but my kinky little beast wasn't having that. Edward began to rock my hips back and forth faster, harder as I swore another orgasm was coming to a head. It was there—loafers, sweater vests, witty comments, and all Edward.

Edward.

I smiled a smile so wide that even in this moment I felt my cheeks flush.

"Fuck Bella...again," he growled out as I felt my pussy clench his cock again.

"...hmmm...oh God...just like that..." I went with the flow of things, riding out my second orgasm.

He moaned. "Who makes you feel this good? Tell—me—who!"

"Edward...just like that...you're so—"

He stilled me. "What did you just say?"

I was panting with my heart threatening to beat right out of my chest. "Fuck." I breathed and finally opened my eyes.

Jake was panting too with his body glistening with sweat. His eyes met mine and then he gently picked me up to bring me to his side.

He sat up. "What—uh—what the fuck was that?"

I curled in on myself, having no idea what to say or how to get out of this.

"Who's Edward? Are you fucking someone?"

I shook my head no. "No...I told you. I haven't since you, and—and I..." I stood up and flailed around like a mess. "I'm sorry," I grabbed my skirt off a chair. I didn't even bother to try and find my panties. "I'm fucked up—I don't know what that was."

"Wait..." he scooted from the bed. "Let's talk about this."

"What's there to say?" I shimmied into my skirt, and I knew I was crying, but I didn't care. "I'm so-so sorry."

He nodded as he peeled the condom away from his now flaccid cock—I guess I just have that effect.

Then I dressed myself so fast, I didn't even bother clasping my bra. "I'm so sorry."

"Bella...just...just calm down, okay? Who's Edward?"

I shook my head. "No one—I don't know." I hopped as I placed my shoes on my feet.

"No one?" He stood up. "We were fucking and you screamed his name. He's somebody, and I think I have the right to know who he is...fucking liar...It's always head games with you, isn't it?"

"No." I stopped. "I just—I'm a horrible person." I shrugged. I still had no idea what to say and that seemed about right anyway. "You're too good for me—I knew I'd find a way to screw it up again." I sobbed into my hands.

"Just go..." he plopped back down on his bed. "You _are_ a horrible person," he let out an evil laugh. "Mr. Whiskers won't even come near you."

That hit a nerve. It's okay for me to say I'm horrible, but not him. Fuck that. "I can be a dead girl for you and you can't be...whoever the fuck for me? I might be horrible but you are one sick, twisted motherfucker!" I ran from his room, grabbed my purse off the coffee table, and then tripped over Mr. Whiskers on my way to the door.

"Fuck!" I screamed, trying to gather all my shit into my purse.

From there I made a mad dash to the train station. I knew I looked like shit, with my hair a mess, and my wrinkled clothing, but I didn't care. I carried on with my walk of shame all the way uptown.

The only thing I counted on was that Edward had left already. I knew what was to come. I've only experienced severe depression twice in my life.

The first time was when I wore white jeans to school and sat on something which left a stain; it looked like a shit stain.

That was when everyone started to call me Skid Mark.

I told you there wasn't much to it.

The second time was when I lost my virginity at senior prom. I wasn't even dating the kid I went with. But I had the goal to lose my virginity—I wanted to get it over with.

It was two minutes of nothing, followed by being taunted for the rest of what was left of school.

Liam McNally had bagged Skid Mark, and it might as well have been in the Forks Daily Gazette.

And he told everyone that the rumors were true.

My panties had actual skid marks...

Still, I've never been that deep or complex, so severe depression for me doesn't contain much besides isolation. I like to be alone, and that's what I looked forward to now.

While I walked home from the subway I realized something. I was overreacting. Jake will probably never speak to me again, and working with him won't be too bad—we work in different departments.

I can put this mess behind me.

And facing Edward...

Well, I have a few days to decide that and come back up from my lonely hole.

_No pun intended. _

My neighbor was just leaving the building with his dog when I ran for the door. He judged my attire with his eyes, but I didn't care.

And I was never so happy to be home.

I rummaged in my purse for my keys and came up short, then intense panic struck, and I emptied the contents of my purse onto the tiled floor. "No. No. No." I cried again. My keys weren't in my purse.

And I couldn't fathom calling Jake or going back downtown to get them.

I sunk down to my ass and leaned against the door while I put everything back in my purse. "Stupid!" I banged against the door, a fucking angry mess. It's not too bad. I can call the super in the morning since it's so late now, but I'll have to spend the night on my dirty hallway floor.

As I sniffled, and attempted to dry my eyes, I also attempted to get comfortable.

Then suddenly my support gave out, and I was flat on my back. My heart felt like it skipped a beat as I stared up at Edward. From where my head was positioned—between his legs—I was also able to see his balls through his boxers.

"I can see your sack," I sobbed.

"I know they're intimidating, but try not to be frightened." He stared down at me.

Most normal people would have helped me from the floor or just left me there, but Edward hooked his hands under my arms and dragged my raggedy ass inside.

And at that moment I realized something else.

This is a story about how I fell in love with who would eventually become my best friend.

**Thank you for reading. Should I keep going? I have chapters 5 and 6 written too...Blah...am I wasting my time?**

**Oh...and check out the Twilight Sickness blog for all Twilight and fic news. I've got the sickness, how about you? **

**TwilightSickness(dot)com**


	5. Edward Scissorhands

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Beta'd by the amazing aeglow!**

**Thanks to everyone for reviewing. This story will continue! I'm not sure how long I intend to make it, but it will be a full length fic. **

**Do you have a fic rec for me? Something I should be reading? Let me know. I pimp with the TwiMuses and I try to pimp fics in each chapter! (I will not pimp what I have not read)**

**At the moment OtB does not have a schedule. I have up to chapter 8 written and will post every few days? Or once a week? I don't know. QS updates on Wednesdays, and when I grow a pair I'll work on the INI epilogue :(**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>"<strong>Outside the Box" chapter 5: Edward Scissorhands<strong>

**A**fter Edward pulled me into the apartment, he stared at me for a while. I kept looking away, feeling so damn awkward. It was weird, like this was the morning after.

Oh right...

I never really slept with him. That thought made me wince.

"What happened?" Edward asked me.

I knew I was a mess, and tried to comb my hair with my fingers, and right my wrinkled clothes. What is my deal? It seems I'm always a mess lately. "Nothing." I rasped.

"Bullshit," he sat down on his bed. With the sofa open he had a queen sized bed. It was nice. "Talk to me," he extended his hand to pull me up. I sat on his bed for less than a second and stood right back up.

"Um..." I had no idea what to say.

"Were you robbed? What?" He grabbed my hand again. "Talk to me. You look like you were mauled by a grizzly bear."

"In New York City?" I snorted a chuckle and let go of his hand. "I made a mistake, okay? Something happened that I don't want to talk about..." I plopped down on his bed, and still felt his eyes on me.

I looked back to him. "I'm okay, but I'm a horrible person." I widened my arms, shrugging and thinking that is the perfect excuse for everything.

_Think about it. It truly is, and I bet the next time one of you guys fuck up, you'll say it. _

Edward laughed. "No...you're not. Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?"

I laughed too. "Hell no." I stood up.

"Sit down," he pulled me down, and then fucked the shit out of me.

The End.

No...

I giggled under my breath and looked back to him.

"What's so funny?" He asked.

I shook my head.

He nodded. "Right...Well, we should try being friends—we'll start tonight. I'll share something, and then you share something, and we'll have a truce. No shit talking or attitudes...if we have a problem with each other, we'll talk it out."

I nodded. "Seems fair. You don't have to move out." I rushed out. "I was being an ass earlier."

He grinned. "That's...really cool." He looked away from me. "What do you want to know?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. You never talk about Tanya," I whispered her name.

He nodded. "Tanya. Tanya. Tanya..." He whispered. "How did I know you were going to ask about her?" He grinned at me. "In a nut shell - cause I don't feel like getting too into it - she was my first love. We dated in high school, college, and then when we graduated we were married. We broke up a few times, where we both dated other people, but we always came back to each other, I guess."

I gaped at him like a fish. "I thought you were only together eight years?" I asked.

"We were married for eight years. In total, ignoring the times we broke up, we were together for twelve. Your turn." He looked to me.

I nodded, and decided to tell him about Jake. "The longest relationship I've ever had isn't even a real one." I groaned. "Since I moved here there's been this one guy," I looked to him. "The guy I told you I was "sort of" seeing?"

"The one with the cat?" he frowned. "I hate cats."

I nodded. "That's the one. We've never been exclusive, and always stayed friends—"

"You still fuck him?" He had a new clipped tone to his voice.

"Uh..." the tone threw me off a little. "We did...tonight, and it ended horribly—we don't have to talk about this." I rushed out.

He didn't reply.

"It just—it was bad, and he probably hates me now. I am a horrible person," I felt my eyes well up with tears again, and tried to blink them away.

He grasped my hand again. "What did he do to you?" He whispered.

"Nothing. It was me. I—I did something bad. Not him—no..." I was sobbing again, and tried to dry my eyes quickly.

_I did the crime and now I must live with the guilt._

"What'd you do?"

My stomach became tied in knots. "I—I can't tell you that."

He reached over to toss my knotted hair away from my shoulder. "But you're okay?"

I nodded, and then sobbed into my hands. "Don't be nice to me—be a dick again," I mumbled. "I don't deserve your kindness."

He chuckled. "Cut the shit. Drama doesn't suit you. I bet you forget about it tomorrow. My offer still stands. Come out to the Hamptons. Get away from the city you hate so much," he shook me by my shoulder.

It made me giggle through my tears. "Why are you so wonderful?" I threw myself at him to hug him, and was surprised when he hugged me back. He was so warm, and a little sticky, but he didn't smell or anything. He smelled like Edward, and soap, and...

I let go and leaned away from him. "Sorry," I wiped my eyes.

"I needed that." He smiled at me. "Thanks for the hug."

I scoffed, but I was only teasing. "You're one of those huggy people, aren't you?"

He nodded. "-and you're not. So what was that about?"

I giggled. "Sometimes cold hearted bitches need love too," I stood from the bed.

"Why is that? Why are you so fucked up?"

I shrugged and tried to think up something good. "I was a prom night dumpster baby, and now..." I tried not to laugh. "The world is my oyster. They will pay, dammit!" I seethed at nothing.

He shook his head. "Maybe I'm the sick fuck because I thought that was adorable."

I nodded. "Maybe..."

"Seriously," he said.

"Seriously?" I blew out a breath. "I have no idea. Nothing too horrible ever happened to me. I just am the way I am."

"You've never been close to anyone. You don't let people get too close." He said, although he looked as though he spoke to himself.

"Sure, why not?" I nodded. "I better shower and comb this bird's nest," I pointed to my hair. I looked like Hermoine Granger on a rainy day at Hogwarts.

"Uh...tomorrow...someone will be coming with us. I offered to give an old friend a ride out there."

I shook my head. "I never said—um—that I was going."

He frowned, and right now I hated that face. "Oh...well, I'll see you Monday then."

I bit my lip and danced from foot-to-foot. "You think I'll have time to do my work? That's why I don't want to go," I lied but before it was because I wanted to do nothing. Now, I wanted to run—get away from everything, but even this conversation had me feeling weird. It was also all me. Edward wasn't being weird.

It's in my head. Because earlier in my head I had sex with Edward, only Edward doesn't know.

_I mind raped him._

Holy fuck.

"You'll have plenty of time." He smiled widely. "It'll be amazing. Um...there's the pool, a local beach, barbeques, and Rose will be there. You'll also have down time too, a lot of it."

I nodded. "Wake me up...um give me time to pack and all that crap."

"I'll wake you up at eight." He said.

"Thank you...for giving me an escape." I waved, just as there was a knock on the door.

_Dun...Dun...Dun..._

I turned to stare at it wide eyed while Edward stood up to answer it. Before I could fully comprehend what I was doing, I ran to Edward, pushed his nearly naked ass down onto the bed—and then that crazy fucker pulled me down on top of him.

I was too mortified to get turned on. "What are you doing?" There was another knock.

"Um..." he retracted his hands. "I was trying not to fall down? Yeah..." he nodded.

I pushed myself off of him. "I just—I'll get the door."

"Who is it?"

"Probably Jake...I forgot my keys, you know?" I shrugged.

He laughed. "I'll get the door..._Please_, let me get the door."

I shook my head no, pinched his nipple hard again, and while he whimpered I pushed him back down. Then I ran for the door. I briefly looked through the peep hole, saw Jake, and opened the door just enough to slide out.

Jake was holding out my keys like they had some kind of disease.

I took them from him. "Thank you."

He didn't reply and turned away from me. When he was a few paces away he turned back. "Who is this Edward guy?"

I closed my eyes tightly. "Scissorhands," I whispered, and then thought myself a genius. "You're not the only one with um...questionable tastes...oh yeah...it's the hands." I held mine up. "They're amazing. Cool to the touch, and could be dangerous...can you relate?" I looked down to my feet, knowing just how gullible he is. You never know, though. So I chanced a glance back to him, hoping he bought it.

"A fictional character," he blew out a breath. "Why didn't you say anything? I'd still rather you thought about me, but...wow...I feel so much better." He laughed some more, and then leaned down to kiss my hair. "I'm sorry for freaking out." He grasped my chin, and leaned towards my lips.

I jerked my head away. "It's okay...but..."

"No 'buts' please." He frowned.

"But...I think we should go back to being friends—just friends." I jumped when Edward opened the door behind me.

"Who's your friend?" Edward asked, and he also reached out to touch me.

I leaned away from his reach as I narrowed my eyes at him. "This is Jake," I looked to Jake. "Jake, this is...um..uh...John, Rosalie's brother, John." I pointed to Edward, and if he doesn't go along with it I'll get his other nipple. I gave Edward the wide eyed 'play along' look, too. "Did I tell you John was in the military?" I asked Jake.

"No...you never mentioned it." Jake nodded. "How you doing?" He put out his hand.

Edward stared at me. "Good..." He turned to stare at Jake. "What brings you by so late?" He looked to Jake's hand and wouldn't shake it, but Jake didn't seem like he cared. Edward also leaned closer to me. I felt his body heat all along my back, and when I went to take a step back, I caught myself.

Jake made goo-goo eyes at me and took his hand back. "This one forgot her keys..." Jake ran his finger down my cheek.

I wanted to scream at both these fuckers. I wanted them to stop touching me. I felt so weird, like an anxious mess.

"She is forgetful," Edward reached around to pinch my cheek.

"Okay!" I clapped my hands. "Thanks for bringing these by...I'll call you," I pushed Edward back inside with my hip. He didn't argue and backed away from me, but Jake continued to stare at me. "I'll call you," I waved, and then felt even worse when I closed the door on him.

I blew out a breath when it was closed and collapsed back on it. When I picked my head up, Edward was pacing.

"Why is my name John?" His face was scrunched, like he was confused or sucking on a lemon.

_Wish he'd suck my lemons..._

I racked my brain for a decent lie. He has an ex lover named Edward? No. He doesn't like the name Edward? No. His mother was murdered by Ed Gein? Wait—what year was that?

I sucked my teeth. "His father was murdered by some dude named Edward. I didn't want to "technically" break up with him and drag up old feelings." I smiled widely as I nodded.

"Did you just use "air quotes"?" He chuckled.

I gave him the finger, but I honestly felt relieved. Tonight sucked, and now we can get back to normal.

"I don't believe that shit...why my name is John?" He raised an eyebrow. "But I don't give a shit."

I nodded. "Okay, it's been real." I gave him a salute, before I started to go towards my bedroom.

"You fucked him, though?" Edward grimaced as he pointed to the door. "Him? You actually slept with him?" He shivered and groaned, like he was disgusted.

I shrugged. "What's wrong with him?"

"Nothing—no. Wait, try _everything_!" He elongated the word. "He's all wrong for you. He's all sickly sweet, which to me screams—" he actually screamed. "Secret agenda," he used my air quotes. "-and he has that creepy Mr. Rogers vibe, like he has missing young girls chained in his basement."

I gulped, and then shook that away. Even if what he said gave me chills. "He doesn't have a basement."

"...a drum in a closet," he paced some more.

"A drum? How—" I didn't get it. "Why are you pacing?"

"An oil drum." Edward said. "I don't know why," he stopped to take a deep breath.

I rolled my eyes. "Who keeps an oil drum in their closet?"

"Creepy nice guys that hide _dead girls_ in their closet," he stared at me with an odd expression. Then he shook that off too. "Him?" He plopped down on his bed.

"What's the big deal? It's done now...just..." I shrugged. "What's the big deal?"

He shook his head. "Cause—he's wrong for you. That's all. You should be with..." he grit his teeth and stopped talking.

I slowly walked to him, and for some reason my heart started to pound away in my chest. "Who?" I whispered. "Who should I be with?" I drew in a shaky breath, hoping he'd say "me" and hoping he wouldn't at the same time. Edward is the most honest person I know. He tells the truth even if it hurts people's feelings. He'll tell me which is which, and then...

I have no fucking clue.

"Edward?" I asked.

"Just not him," he whispered. "You deserve better. You should be with someone better. As your friend, I...I'd just like to see you with someone who doesn't make my skin crawl."

I nodded. "He's out there, remember?" I frowned. "Maybe he'll be in the Hamptons this weekend. It's filled with wealthy, normal guys, and I bet none of them are necro-" I caught myself.

"Necro what?" Edward asked.

"Negro." I blurted. "Jake is half black?" I lied.

Edward continued to stare at me. "That's fucked up. There are plenty of wealthy black people in the Hamptons. P. Diddy owns a house out there."

I nodded. "Right...my mistake."

He shook his head. "That was so racist. You think you know someone and then—"

"Oh...fuck you. I'm not racist. I hate everyone equally." I grumbled. "Wake me up...whenever." I waved, and then practically ran into the bathroom.

* * *

><p>In the morning I didn't want to wake up, but Edward managed to wake me up by twisting my toe—since pinching my nipple was such a daunting concept. I wouldn't have been offended.<p>

Anyway, I packed whatever summer clothes I had, two bathing suits, my toiletries, and a few pairs of shoes. Then I dressed in some denim shorts and a t-shirt. We were to spend hours in the car and I wanted to be comfortable.

The weatherman stated that today was to be a scorcher, and he was not lying. At ten in the morning it was already ninety degrees, and it was only supposed to get warmer.

"Can I ride shotgun?" I asked, pulling my suitcase along with me. I was also trying to keep up with Edward as we made the trek to his car. Having a car in Manhattan isn't the easiest thing. Parking is always hard to come by, and it's faster to take mass transit. There essentially is no need to have a car in this city, but today it does have a purpose. I'll give Edward that.

"Um...my friend, Chelsea already asked when I spoke to her earlier."

_Chelsea?_

Huh...

"Oh..." I nodded, and continued to follow him. "But I get car sick," I lied. "I mean...I don't want to cause problems between you and your girlfriend, but I get nauseous."

"She's not my girlfriend...and yeah, I guess. I don't want you puking in my car."

I grinned and kept walking, even though Edward had stopped. When I turned to him, I gaped at him again. He's been staying with me for close to a month, and I have never seen his car. I've heard him bitch a few times that he had to move it because of alternate side of the street parking, but I never saw it, and damn it was a beauty.

"This is your car?" It was a shiny, silver, and sporty Volvo. "Wow..." I ran my hand along its side. "She's beautiful."

He nodded, and grabbed for my bag. "She is," he smiled as he placed my bag in the trunk. "Did you want to go for coffee first?"

I sighed. "Yes..."

From there we stopped at Starbucks, picked up some iced coffees, and went towards his friend's place.

She lived on the upper East side in one of those expensive brownstones. We parked out front and then Edward left the car to meet her. She was pretty with long legs and flowing blonde hair.

He must have a thing for blondes.

She was also dressed very nicely, in what looked like the latest of designer fashions. She wore a skirt, high heels, and a pink tank top. Okay, so maybe they weren't the latest in designer fashions, but she looked well put together. Suddenly my cut offs felt too short and country, and my t-shirt too big, and my hair a mess. I righted my sunglasses and tried to disappear into the seat.

"Chels...this is Bella," Edward said.

'Chels', I mouthed like some baby, before I reached out of the car to shake her hand.

_Possession is nine-tenths of the law, and I'll be damned if she looks that good, and gets my seat._

_It wasn't happening. _

"Hello," she smiled, and I snickered when she wiped her hand off on her skirt—the same hand that shook mine.

"I have some hand sanitizer in my purse," I offered.

"What?" She asked.

Edward laughed. "Bella gets car sick. Hope you don't mind riding in the back?"

She giggled and entered the backseat. "Not at all."

I giggled too, mockingly—that's right, I did it to mock her—and then I decided to take my haters cap off for the weekend.

"Have you ever been to the Hamptons? You're staying with the Cullen family too?" I turned in my seat as Edward entered the car.

"I've been there. My family owns a house—so no, I won't be staying, but Edward—" she touched his shoulder. "Promised to spend some time with me."

"Oh..." I crooned, looking between the two. "I think that's lovely—fantastic, amazing, wonderful—"

"Bella," Edward used that tone.

I righted myself in the seat. "What kind of music do you have?" I grabbed a stack of CDs from the center console.

He grabbed them back. "It's my car. We'll listen to what I want."

I stuck my tongue out at him. "What kind of way is that to treat a guest in your car?" I turned to Chels. "Any requests?"

She smiled at me. "I just love Katy Perry."

I nodded. "She's cool," I turned to Edward. "Have any Katy Perry?...I kissed a girl and I liked it..." I sang through a whisper, but I caught myself before I sang anymore.

"Was that necessary?" He asked me.

"I don't know what you're talking about. So do you have any...Katy Perry?" I gave him a toothy grin.

He shook his head no. "How about some Coheed and Cambria?" He showed us the CD.

I shrugged. "Sure."

"That's just noise!" Chels shouted. "How about Kelly Clarkson?"

Edward shook his head no and put the CD in.

"Any American Idol winners? I love them all..." and then she spoke about American Idol for what seemed like forever. I'm not kidding. We left Manhattan as she told the sad tale Fantasia Barrino. We were in Queens when she spoke about Carrie Underwood's beautiful voice, and we had to pullover at a rest area when we were finally in Long Island because I begged Edward. I had to get out of the car. Her constant chatter was giving me a migraine, and all Edward did was smile and nod. How the fuck can he stand that shit?

"Are you okay?" Edward asked.

I nodded, taking deep breaths. I actually did get a little sick. My head was still all achy, and it made me nauseous.

"I thought you were lying when you said you get car sick, so you would have an excuse to sit with me." He kicked a small rock.

I sipped my water. "No..." I lied. I really just wanted shotgun. It had nothing to do with Edward. At least I don't think so. "So, has Rose called you? What do your parents think of Emmett?"

He shrugged. "I spoke to my dad—told him you were coming, and he didn't mention Emmett at all. But, you have to keep in mind that he's not the first guy she's brought home."

"Ahhh..." I nodded.

"We're not too far now...only like thirty minutes. When we get there, I'll show you to your room and then you can nap. Sound good?"

I nodded. "Maybe the Advil will kick in...thanks again for getting me out of the city."

"It was my pleasure...Hey!" He pushed himself off the car, and welcomed Chels back from the bathroom.

"It was disgusting in there." She scoffed.

"It's a gas station," Edward reminded her.

"Still," she rapidly entered the car.

Edward and I exchanged a look and entered the car too.

"Um...Belle, is it?" Chels asked.

"It's Bella," Edward said.

I turned in my seat to look at her. "What's up?"

"Do you have that sanitizer gel?" she asked.

I nodded and rummaged through my purse for it. "Hold on to it." I told her. I then watched as she bathed in it and shuddered a few times. "You couldn't hold it until we got there?" I asked. "You look traumatized."

"I really had to go...never again," she rubbed some more up her forearms.

I sat forward again and looked to Edward. "She seems a little too high maintenance for you." I whispered.

He smirked at me, and then looked in the rearview to Chelsea. "Where were you again? Taylor Hicks?"

Chelsea giggled. "Oh right..."

I reached over to pinch Edward's thigh. "Oww-"

He reached over to pinch my thigh. "Bitch!" I yelled, and smacked his hand away. "Chelsea, your boyfriend is hitting on me." I told her.

"What?" She asked.

"Nothing." Edward said. "Don't listen to Bella."

"That's right...I'm crazy," I grumbled, rubbing my temples.

"Here," Edward reached over to grab my head with both hands. He placed one on the back of my head and one on my forehead, and then he squeezed. "I hear this helps," and fuck me, it did. For some reason, the more he squeezed, the better my head felt. However, when he let go, the pain was just as bad.

"Thanks," I whispered, and sat back anyway.

"Pressure points," he squeezed between my thumb and forefinger. He squeezed that shit hard, a little too hard, as I winced from the pain.

"Stop," I slapped his shoulder.

"Do you like to hit me? Or do you just look for excuses to touch me?"

I shrugged because I honestly didn't know. "You just piss me off."

He chuckled as he pulled out of the rest area.

Thankfully, from that moment on, all Chelsea spoke about was her father's law firm. I wondered if she might know Emmett, but there are a million law firms in the city, so I found that highly unlikely. Chelsea admitted that she took a few years off from school to travel, and now she's interning with her father.

It wasn't so bad, and she really didn't seem like an air head, like that Irina chick. However, she did seem really bubbly, like one of those shiny-happy people.

The kind I hate.

But for Edward and our new friendship, I listened intently. And when I heard something I liked, I'd nudge Edward, like "Great going" or "You found a golden egg". Whatever bros do to congratulate each other. I didn't know. When Rosalie finds a guy she likes, we celebrate by getting drunk and gossiping. We haven't this time around because Emmett takes up most of her time now.

That's another reason why I think he might be it for her, and I couldn't be happier. Most men find Rose's clinginess to be too much, and Emmett seems to be going with the flow.

For the past two years Rose has gone through many men, and that bitch better make me maid of honor. That's all I'm saying. I've gone through the tears, the cartons of ice cream, the booze, the ranting, and everything else. I goof and call Rose a whore, but the truth is that she's been looking for a husband for as long as she remembers. She wants a husband, and has dated maniacally in order to find one.

I better be her maid of honor.

Once we left the highway, we drove through a few streets. They were all beautiful with rows of gigantic houses. We stopped at one, and I became nervous but then I calmed back down. We were only dropping off Chelsea.

Edward wore a big smile as he spoke to her parents. He didn't introduce me, and for that I was thankful.

When Edward kissed Chelsea's cheek, I turned away from them.

When Edward entered the car again, I turned to him. "So...tell me about your family—who I'll be meeting. Rose never talks about your family, just you."

He nodded as he pulled away from the curb. "There's really not much to tell. My father's name is Carlisle, and he'll ask you to call him that," he turned to smile at me. "My mother...she's just meddling, and will likely want to hear your life story. Her name is Elizabeth, and she'll want you to call her Liz. Then there's my older brother—"

I gasped. "You have an older brother?" I asked. "Rose never mentioned that."

Edward nodded. "His name is also Carlisle. We just call him Junior. He's two years older than me, and he works at Mount Sinai with my father—he's a surgeon too, the apple of daddy's eye."

"Uh-oh..." I whispered. "How come you never mentioned him?"

He shrugged. "I don't talk to him, unless it's a holiday. I have no choice, but he's just an asshole. His wife Esme is nice, though. He doesn't live in the city, either. He commutes and lives here on the island, but closer to Queens."

"Oh...any nieces or nephews?" I asked.

He shook his head no. "My mother says they're working on it. Rose doesn't talk to him either. He's not a bad person, just very self involved—it's always about personal gain—I don't know."

I nodded, as we turned a corner and pulled up to a huge house. "Is this where P. Diddy lives?"

"No," he laughed. "This is it," he pulled up the emergency brake and looked out my window. "What do you think?"

I blinked a few times. "Why are you so damn broke?" I asked.

He laughed and left the car. I was quick to do so too. "Seriously?" I asked. "If you come from money..." I trailed off.

Edward shrugged as he took the bags out of the trunk. "My father thinks you should earn your own way. He gave me the means; I just chose a shitty profession, I guess." He looked to me, slumping his shoulders. "I bitch, but I honestly like teaching. It's not my fault they're under paid."

I nodded. "I can relate," I reached out for my bag, but he wouldn't let me take it. "Am I dressed okay?" I looked down.

Edward stared down at my legs. "You are," he looked up to my face. "Come on, let's get this over with." He held all the bags and began walking towards the house. His ass looked good in the loose denim shorts he was wearing, along with his t-shirt that rode up from his own bag on his back.

Damn.

I shook all that away when someone opened the front door wide. It was Rosalie, and she screamed, and then pushed Edward out of the way while she came barreling towards me. "You came!" She screamed as she hugged me.

I laughed and hugged her back. "You have no idea."

"What?" She leaned back to look at me.

I looked down. "We have to talk."

She winced. "Who? Jake?" She whispered.

I nodded. "We finally did it, and now it's done...over."

"Something else happened though..." she frowned, seeing my frown.

I looked and saw Edward entering the house. "You can't tell Edward." I whispered, keeping my eyes on the door.

"I won't." Rose said.

"Okay...but you really can't."

"I won't. I promise. I only talk shit about Edward." She laughed.

I grinned as I turned back to her. She was right.

"It's that whole love/hate sibling thing, so spill." She grabbed my hands.

I took in a deep breath and then blew it out slowly. "I spaced out during sex with Jake...um...I was thinking about someone else, and then said their name."

"Ouch." She laughed. "Whose name?"

I opened my mouth to respond, and then Edward came back outside. "Are you guys coming in? Please..." he looked uncomfortable, and then looked away from us.

I smiled. "We'll be right in." I waved as he walked away.

"No shit—" Rose pushed me. "Him?" She laughed loudly and even had to bend over to hold her stomach.

"It's not funny." I pushed her back. "It was mortifying. I don't even like him—like that. He's growing on me as a person, though." I shrugged.

"And then he swept you away from the Island of Manhattan to woo you on another," she sounded wistful again.

"What is with you? I need my Rosalie, not Emmett's love sick bitch. My Rosalie, the actual bitch." I whispered.

She composed her smile. "Don't think too much about it. He was probably on your mind. He probably did something stupid, and then you couldn't get it out of your head."

I nodded. "Yeah, we fought and then I ran over to Jake's."

"He managed to get you that upset? And that was the catalyst of not only you saying his name, but running over to sleep with Jake?" She frowned. "Oh honey..." she hugged me again.

"Oh honey, what?" I asked.

"Are you Edward's love sick bitch?"

"What?" I screamed. "Fuck no!...Bitch, you must be out your goddamn mind!" I continued, and then a throat clearing made me stop.

"Mom, dad, this is Bella." Rose put her arm around my shoulder to turn me.

I smiled awkwardly at a middle-aged couple. Carlisle Sr. was very handsome with a full head of blonde hair, and Liz was also gorgeous, petite with copper hair, just like Edward's. I saw the resemblance between Rose and her parents. She was an even split between the two, and Edward looked just like his mom. "Hello," I put out my hand.

"Hello," Liz shook my hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you. Rose and Edward speak a lot about you."

I chuckled. "All good things, I hope." I turned to shake Mr. Cullen's hand.

"Of course," he assured me with a smile. "I plan to see what I can do to get my son off your couch," he whispered.

"Oh...it's totally okay. It's a pleasure having him," I shrugged, and right then Edward came back outside, flanked by Emmett, and two other people. I knew right away who his older brother was. He was the spitting image of their father—fucking mint! There was no other way to describe him. He was so damn fine I had to look away, at the woman on his arm, who is most likely his wife.

And it was fucking weird that—looking at this dude's wife—Esme kind of resembled his mother.

_It doesn't take a psychology major to figure all that shit out. _

"Guys, this is Bella." Rose introduced me again, and again I shook everyone's hands, including Emmett who mumbled 'no hard feelings'.

Asshole.

He's not an asshole because of what went down. He's an asshole for mentioning it.

After that Mr. Cullen mumbled something about letting the central air out, and asked us all to go inside. Once we were inside it became a little weird. These people flocked to me, and like Edward said wanted to know my life story.

We sat in a living room—I in a chair—while everyone was coupled up, except for Edward who sat on the arm of the sofa. They all stared at me, waiting, and for the life of me I couldn't figure out why these people cared. Who the fuck was I? Who the fuck was I to these people? I'm a friend of Rosalie, and Edward sleeps on my couch.

Why the fuck did they care?

"So Bella," Mr. Cullen started. "I understand you teach as well?"

I nodded. "I do. Kindergarten." I crossed my legs to rest my hands on them.

"Lemonade, dear?" Liz asked.

I smiled politely. "I love lemonade."

"She'd rather have iced tea." Edward said.

I ignored him, even if he was correct. "Lemonade would be delightful."

Liz smiled as she poured me a glass of lemonade. "And you're not from New York." She said.

"No ma'am. I'm from Washington State. I grew up there, went to school there, and then moved here. But I did spend summers in Phoenix, Arizona where my mother lives." I took my lemonade from her. "Thank you."

Carlisle, the brother, leaned forward in his seat. "You lived with your father? You don't see that often. Usually kids that are products of divorce live with their mother's—you can call me Junior, by the way. So there's no mix up."

I puffed out my cheeks, and then deflated them.

"She lived with her mom at first, and then decided she'd stay with her father. Her mother remarried, and she didn't like how lonely her father was." Edward said.

I stared at him, wondering how he knew. I never told him that. However, I did tell Rose that. I turned to give her the stink-eye.

"How nice of you," Liz patted my hand.

I nodded and sipped my lemonade. "This is delicious." I smacked my lips together while one of my eyes twitched. There was so much sugar in it, it was hard to swallow.

"Thank you...Rose says you're single?" Liz asked.

"As they come," I held up my glass.

She patted my hand again, and looked to her husband. "The Volturi family coming tomorrow, right?" She asked. "They're son, um...what's his name again?" She looked to me. "My memory is..." she twirled her finger near her temple.

"Marcus," Carlisle Junior nodded. "Cool guy, and single." He pointed at me. "Ma will hook it up. She's a great match maker."

"She introduced Edward to Tanya." Rose scoffed.

Edward chuckled. "Bella is racist. She might not like Italians."

I gasped, and wanted to tackle him to the ground. "I am not!" I shouted.

Edward put his hands up. "It was a joke...geez." Still, everyone sort of looked at me funny, except Liz and Rose.

"Marcus! Now that's a lovely boy!" Liz laughed. "He comes from good stock, is an investment banker, and he's also single—thirty one, and single. He'll be perfect for you."

"Um...I'm okay, really." I pleaded. The last thing I needed was another attempt at dating gone awry.

"Oh!" Liz shouted again, and turned to Edward. "I ran into Mr. and Mrs. Denali, and I invited them to the barbeque. They said they had plans with their daughter but I said "bring Tanya too". You have to admit that since the divorce proceedings—"

Edward looked like he wanted to die where he sat.

"Ma!" Rose shouted. "I can't believe you would do that."

"Don't yell at her!" Carlisle Junior shouted.

"I just figured since he's dating Chelsea it wouldn't be a big deal," Liz shrugged.

"You're dating Chelsea? You can't stand her!" Rose shouted.

I sat back and wanted to disappear.

"I'm not dating Chelsea," he said to Rose, and looked to his mother. "Where did you hear that?"

"Chelsea's mother called me last night. She wanted to know if you had any future prospects," Liz sipped her lemonade.

"Ma, we know he doesn't have any." Carlisle Junior snorted. "Both Rose and Edward are content to live as if they are still twenty-five, am I right?" He looked to everyone.

Rose gasped. "I hope that million dollar piece of shit house you have burns to the motherfucking ground!" She shouted back to him.

And the funny thing? Mr. Cullen, Carlisle Senior, sat quietly while he drank his booze. I wanted whatever he was having, not this nasty shit lemonade.

I became quiet then too, and watched as they all continued to argue back and forth. It was really a pissing contest between Rose and her oldest brother. Edward kept being brought into it, but by the looks of it, he didn't really give a shit. He sat quietly, and listened. Occasionally we'd make eye contact for a mutual eye roll, but that was it.

When things really got heated, when Esme and Emmett had to hold their counterparts back, Edward came to kneel next to me.

"Want me to show you to your room?"

I nodded quickly.

From there Edward brought me upstairs. He showed me his room, the room that Rosalie and Emmett are staying in, and then my room. He promised that one of the pretentious fucks downstairs will give me the proper tour later.

"Mom will probably serve lunch soon. Are you going to nap? Or..." he placed my bag on a chair.

I smiled. "I think I will and if I can't, I should really work on those reports." I shrugged. "Thanks for this."

He groaned and sat on the bed. "I'm sorry about them. They seem to be in full force. I didn't think they'd attack you either," he made claws with his hands and a monster face.

"It's okay. I survived." I chuckled.

"You did..." he stood from the bed. "No need to feel weird around here. As you can see we're all a little fucked, so just make yourself at home."

I laughed. "Thanks."

"I'm going to change and chill by the pool...have a nice nap." He left the room and closed the door after himself.

I plopped back into the king sized bed, and looked around the room. It was a great room, and I had my own bathroom. My guess was that this is the guest quarters or something. Both Edward and Rose's rooms seemed like regular old rooms, nothing like this beauty. There was white carpet, light purple walls, shear curtains, and white-wicker furniture.

I allowed myself ten minutes to get comfortable, and when I couldn't, I grabbed my tote bag to attack those reports. It went fast, as these often do, but I only got about half-way through, before I actually fell asleep.

When I woke up, feeling much rested, I peed and went back to the reports. When I looked to my cell I saw that I had slept over two hours, but still feeling awkward, I went back to the paper work.

It was a little while later that I noticed the arguing had disappeared from my ears, and I heard laughter, screaming, and splashing outside my window.

Looking down, I had a clear view of the backyard. There was an in-ground swimming pool, and the younger generation seemed to be swimming around. Mr. Cullen was cleaning the barbeque, while his wife read a book on a lounge chair.

Still feeling weird, I pushed those feelings back. I know Rosalie, Edward, and Emmett—kind of. I shouldn't feel weird, so I dug my bathing suit out of my bag and changed into it.

My bathing suit was nothing special. It's a black bikini, and I accessorized it by placing my cut-off shorts and my flip-flops back on.

I did brush my teeth and redo my messy bun, though.

_I have class. _

Before I went outside, I took a deep breath and donned my sunglasses.

"There she is!" Rose shouted. "Come in whore..." she tried to splash me but I was too far way.

I laughed and walked to a lounge chair instead.

"You're not coming in?" Rose asked, leaning over the ledge.

"In a minute." I sat back, and searched the yard. They were all having a good time, except for Edward who sat on the diving board looking bored. No. He looked amazing in his board shorts and so contemplative. He was squinting his eyes up to the sky.

Their parents were doing exactly what they did ten minutes ago, and then the older brother left the pool to sit next to me.

"Despite what you might have heard, I'm not a prick. It's not a crime to be successful," he smiled, grabbing for a towel.

"It's not, and I didn't hear you were a prick." I said.

"Oh..." he looked back out to the pool.

"Yeah," I did the same.

"Just wanted to clear that up," he sat back to take in the sun.

"It's crystal." I whispered.

"Hey!" Edward shouted, now standing in front of me. "How was your nap? Are you hungry?"

I waved. "It was good, and no...I'm good," I rubbed my fat belly.

"Not a fan of the water?" He asked, jerking his thumb to the pool.

"I am. I'll go in soon." I shrugged.

"That sounds like a challenge to me." Carlisle aka Junior said.

"What?" I turned to him confused.

"Me too," Edward said, and grabbed my feet. "Get her arms."

"What? No. Stop." I kicked and screamed as they brought me over to the pool. Carlisle held my arms and Edward had me by my feet. "I mean it! Just stop! You evil motherfuckers!" I continued to flail about, trying to get away.

They ignored me and started to swing me. "One. Two. Three."

"Evil fuck-" and then they tossed me into the water. It was cold, but I made sure to grab my sunglasses before they sank to the bottom. When I emerged, I shivered, and pushed my hair back.

"That wasn't cool," I said, trying to tread water. What I really wanted to do was point my accusatory finger at them. "Evil!" I shivered.

Emmett laughed at me. "That was awesome."

"Fuck you." I said.

"Oh come on...where's your sense of humor?" Rose asked.

"I left it in Manhattan—" I was cut off when Edward jumped in next to me. I tried to kick at him while he was under the water, but he grabbed my foot to pull me under instead. "Stop," I spit some water out at him. "Get away!" I pushed him.

He dunked me again.

When I came back up I wanted to punch him in the face. "Enough."

He dunked me again.

And then I splashed him when I came back up. "Quit...I'm not a great swimmer," I said.

"Okay," he said. "I'm sorry. I didn't know that." He tried to hold me up.

I leaned out of his grasp. "I'm okay."

"I was just going to help you get back over to the shallow end," he turned around. "Hop on."

I giggled as I got onto his back and he swam us over to the shallow end. "Thanks," I said when we made it.

"No problem," he said.

I kneeled in the water and look around the pool. My eyes landed on Esme, who was quietly floating around on one of those floating chairs. "Does she talk?" I whispered to Edward.

He shook his head. "Only to agree with my brother. Why?"

I shrugged and looked to Emmett and Rosalie who were making out now. "Um...so what was for lunch?" I asked.

"Hot dogs and hamburgers—you're on your own for dinner. I have a date thing."

"On my own? Are you all leaving?" I asked, taking another look around.

"No._ I_ have a date," he pointed to himself. "Me. I'm leaving. Only me. I'm leaving. I have a date," he rambled, like some nut job.

"Okay," I nodded.

"You know, with Chelsea? I said we'd do something, so I'm taking her out."

"Oh...I heard you the first time," I laughed.

He sighed. "Yup, I have a date."

I widened my eyes, wondering why he kept saying that. "I hope you have a wonderful time."

He stared at me.

"What?" I asked.

He groaned, and then made his way out of the pool.

"What did I say?" I shouted after him; he never turned back to me, so I turned to Rose. I tapped Emmett's shoulder to stop them from kissing. "What just happened?"

They both looked at me with blank expressions.

"Forget it," I left the pool then too, and sat back next to Carlisle aka Junior while he played on his laptop. "What did I do?" I asked myself.

"Huh?" Junior looked over to me. "Oh that? I think it's what you didn't do."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked.

He laughed. "Are you that obtuse?"

"No...he said he was going out. I wished him a good time. That's hardly a reason to get upset." I said.

"Sweetheart, you are absolutely right," he went back to his computer. "I don't know what he expected you to do anyway...strip and tell him he couldn't go...idiot." He mumbled.

I laughed. "What was that?"

"Nothing...shit...," he slapped the laptop. "Fantasy baseball." He looked to me.

I nodded. "You're not a prick," I repeated.

"Nope." He sighed.

I nodded and wrapped a towel around myself. "You think he likes her? That Chelsea?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. Why don't you go ask him?" He typed away on his computer.

"Oh...right." I rolled my eyes and sat back. "Why would your parents invite his ex-wife and her family?" I asked. "Do they hate Edward that much?"

"It's to save face. My mother and Mrs. Denali go to the same social clubs. Everyone was going to be here, so she was just being polite. Besides, I'm anxious to see this man-bitch that clocked my brother."

"Clocked?" I asked.

"Tanya's girl? She punched Edward after he found them having sex in his bed. And he didn't do anything. Now that pisses me off. However, I am highly curious as to what this person looks like. I've heard stories..."

I nodded, feeling worse. "I hope he does have a good time tonight. He deserves it."

"Maybe he'll get laid."

"Maybe," I whispered, and I couldn't deny that I was curious as to what Kate looked like too.

**Thanks for reading, and please leave me your thoughts. Chapter 6 picks up right where this left off. It continues with their stay in the Hamptons. LOL. **

**More laughs to come.**

**Check out "Scars and Souvenirs" by ashma0407 The story is fantastic and I'm ready to auction off my soul on ebay to get this fic more readers (FYI bidders might get screwed with the shipping) **

**S&S Summary: **Bella and Edward were together as teens, and then circumstances that neither could control separated them. They go on with their lives, semi-content. One day Edward calls Bella, and her presence makes her second guess everything. So what will Bella do? AH

"**Shattered" by MelissaMargaret (Awesome) **Don't judge a fic by its ship, Edward and Bella readers!

**Summary: **She had sacrificed so many incredible opportunities for me, and because of that I would always work to be someone she could be proud of, even though I never stopped failing. Carlisle/Esme. AH. OOC. Rated M for content, language, and adult situations.

**"Forever is a Promise You Keep" by Shelikesthesound **

Summary: Bella loves Edward, much more than she should. Edward is an addict,and Bella deals with it. Years of this cycle begin to take its toll, and Bella is fed up. A near fatal accident forces Edward into a coma while Bella re-examines her previous decision.**  
><strong>

**Check out TwilightSickness(dot)com for all Twilight movie and Fic news. It's an amazing site where you can sign up, become a member, get emails about the latest Twilight news, and you can make your own profile and befriend other members. It's so damn cool. Sign up today! And Follow them on Twitter (at) TwilightSicness**

**ATTENTION ALL FANFIC NEWBIES/VIRGINS: Get involved in the fandom...join twitter! It's the best tool there is to get involved. I'm on there. Follow me SexyLexiCullen**

**I also do reccs with the TwiMuses. Do you have a fic I should be reading? Send it my way!**


	6. When WASPs Buzz

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No Copyright infringement is intended.**

**Beta'd by aeglow. **

**As promised, I didn't make you wait too long. In fact, I updated Quiet Storm two days early, and now maybe I can focus on some other things. LOL. **

**Huge thank you to everyone for their support of this fic. I'm having so much fun writing it, and hope you all continue to enjoy. **

**I keep saying no angst, but I must have been in dreamland since waiting on edge for E and B to hookup is pretty angsty. What I meant is that no one will die, and nothing horrible will happen throughout this fic, except for cock-blocking.**

**I blame the cockroaches (shrugs) **

* * *

><p><em><strong>FACTOID: Spooning Leads to Forking<strong>_

"**Outside the Box" chapter 6: When WASPs Buzz**

Edward got over whatever was bothering him and asked me to help him pick out an outfit. I told him to wear shorts and a nice shirt or something. The temperature had yet to let up, and they were going to some outdoor carnival. He argued that they were going to some restaurant beforehand.

Still, I stood by my decision.

He didn't, and dressed in black slacks and a blue button down shirt.

He looked amazing. I gave him a congratulatory punch to the shoulder and mumbled "go get her, tiger!" before he left.

After he left, we all sat down to eat. Conversations were polite, and the food was amazing. I bet Edward got his cooking skills from his mother. She made a dish that Edward has made before. Roast chicken with potatoes. It's not fancy, but I just love chicken and potatoes, so I wasn't surprised how excited I became from it.

It ironically was the highlight of my day.

When dinner was over, I helped Liz clear the table and serve dessert.

No. Dessert was the highlight of my day. We had cheesecake, strawberry cheesecake, and I made sure we saved Edward a piece since it's his favorite.

Rosalie gave me some weird look when I mentioned it.

Whatever. The guy likes cheesecake, so I saved him a fucking piece. What was the big deal?

After that everyone sort of disappeared. I did too. I went up to my bedroom and contemplated sending Edward a text message.

My wondering last ten minutes before I just sent one: Saved you some cheesecake—B

I winced when I hit send, and was surprised when he immediately sent one back.

_Thank you—E_

That was it. Nothing else.

I threw my phone down and then laid back to stare at the ceiling. It was only a little after eight, and I was really bored.

Salvation came in the form of Carlisle Jr. a few minutes later. He knocked; I answered, and then waited awkwardly for him to speak.

"Um...my wife and I were going to hit up that carnival by the docks. Did you want to join us?" He asked.

I gave him a small smile, but being the third wheel is never appealing. Unless you're the third to an actually threesome, and then it's cool cause you get more attention, but these two don't look like they get down like that.

Neither do I.

_You nasty, freaks. I'm a good girl, sort of._

"Rose and Emmett might come too." He shrugged.

Being the fifth wheel was just as appealing. "I think I'll just hang out here."

"It's the odd person thing, right? Well, my wife mentioned that."

"She spoke?" I laughed, and then fought the urge to smack myself. I didn't mean to say that.

He laughed too. "My buddy Marcus is here on the island with his family. My mother spoke about him earlier? Well, I thought we'd all go as a group...no pressure. He's going regardless. I just thought I'd let you know. You won't be the odd man out." He patted my shoulder. "We're leaving in twenty minutes."

"Okay, cool..." I closed the door and turned from it. Meeting this guy Marcus won't be too bad done in a group, however, meeting him tomorrow while Liz tries to play match-maker might be.

I threw myself back down on the bed and when self-loathing seemed last season, I rushed to get ready as fast as I could. My hair was still damp from my shower before dinner, and since I had twisted it into a bun, it was nice and wavy. I left it down, and put on some makeup crazy fast. I did a good job, threw on a red tank-top, my denim capris, and put some sandals on. Overall, I was satisfied with the finished product.

Rosalie and Emmett did come with us and continued to suck each other's faces in the backseat of Junior's car. I kept being jostled and backing away when hands would come into contact with me. I also had to shout "that's me!" twice. It wasn't only Emmett.

Rosalie was guilty of that shit too.

Bitch grabbed my tit.

Weirdos.

I bet they get down like that.

When we got to the carnival, we bought our tickets and some tickets to some rides and then waited for this Marcus by the entrance.

"I wonder if we'll see Edward." Rosalie said.

I shrugged. "What's this Marcus guy look like?" I asked. "If he's such a catch, why didn't momma-Cullen try to hook you up?"

Rose looked to Emmett and then back to me. "Because I dated him already."

I shook my head. "-and what's his deal?"

"It just didn't work out for us. That was years ago though. He's nice, decent looking, and has a good job. He's a habitual player, so don't get too attached."

I nodded. "I don't have my hopes up in the slightest." I said.

"Here he comes," Rose nudged me.

Of course I stood up straight and pushed my chest out. Then I waited, feeling weird as he said hello to everyone. He was tall, dressed casually in some shorts, and had a short buzz to his hair. His face was handsome. He had dark eyes and an olive tone to his skin. He also had dimples when he smiled, and I thought that was adorable.

"And you must be Bella?" He smiled.

I nodded. "Marcus, right?"

He nodded back. "That's me," and instead of a handshake, I got a hug.

"So are we ready to have some fun?" Junior asked.

"Woohoo!" Rosalie rolled her eyes.

I leaned away from Marcus as a chuckle escaped me.

"Let's do this," Emmett shouted as he fist pumped the air, and that bothered me. So glad I dodged that bullet.

"What the fuck was that?" I asked Rose while I pointed to Emmett. "This is just a carnival. It's not like they have a pussy ride."

"He's excited," she giggled. "-and I'm his pussy ride."

I nodded. "I like fist pumping too...through chests." I laughed out loud.

"You're sick." Rose said.

"I know," I shrugged.

I stayed back with Rosalie, Esme, and Marcus. We stayed together and walked around, until Rose and Emmett wanted to hit the bumper cars. Junior and Esme wanted to ride the Ferris wheel, and Marcus wanted to play some games. I was leaning towards the bumper cars, but since we seemed to have coupled off, I followed Marcus's lead and walked to the games.

It was obvious that he wanted to show off, and spent almost $100 on the dart game to win me a huge stuffed bunny. I don't know what I was supposed to do. Suck his dick? Jump up and clap? Do a fucking cartwheel? But he seemed disappointed when I just smiled and accepted it.

The whole thing was entirely unnecessary. When he hit $50, I asked him to stop. When he hit $75, I begged him to stop.

"This really is great," I waved it around, and then held it tighter. Again, it was a nice gesture, I just hate that I'll be carting around this fucking bunny everywhere I go now.

"Glad you like it," he grasped my hand, and I dropped the bunny. "Sorry," he picked it back up. "If you want we can go to my car and put this away for now?" he asked.

"Good idea," and so we walked out to the parking lot to put the bunny away. He drove a beautiful, black BMW, and I marveled at its beauty. "Nice car."

He placed the bunny in the backseat, and then leaned towards me. "Want to go for a ride?"

I shook my head no. "We should go back."

"Oh come on..." he pushed my hair away from my face.

I felt myself blush and looked away from him. "We did come in a group."

"And they won't miss us." He chuckled.

I did too and then nonchalantly started walking back to the carnival. I heard him sigh behind me, and then I knew he was following. If he did that shit to get laid, I hope he has a good time fucking that stuffed bunny. I mean honestly. I'll admit to being a sucker for a hot guy, but...oh hell, I just had some fucked up sex, and just didn't want to have more.

I think that whole Jake/Edward experience has mortified me to the point that I won't be bumping uglies for quite a while.

I nodded to myself. "Did you want some cotton candy?" I pointed.

"Sure..." he went to wait online, and I stood next to him. I didn't have much to say because I had said everything already. I told him what I do for a living, and he told me what he did.

And we spoke about other things too.

We didn't have much in common, but he was exactly like Rose had painted him, a player. He complimented me and smiled whenever he could. Will get close, whenever the opportunity presented itself, and he just tried to get laid.

I was on to him.

We had cotton candy and began to walk again. He had taken that as an opportunity to place his arm around me, and since that's a very innocent gesture I left it there.

"You live in Manhattan, right?" I asked, and knew he did. I was just trying for conversation.

"I do. I live in the Meat Packing District."

"How fitting," I said.

"—open," he placed some of his cotton candy near my mouth.

I played along and ate it from his fingers. "Thanks," I giggled, and then his lips came towards mine. It happened so fast, I didn't have time to back away. It wasn't a deep kiss, since I wouldn't let it be, and I nervously laughed as I leaned my face away from him.

That was when I saw Edward. My face became flushed and I felt very embarrassed. "Hey!" I said, and my voice was so high, I scared myself.

"Edward...how's it going?" Marcus reached out for a handshake.

I waved to Chelsea, who was hanging on Edward's arm. She waved back, and nestled a little closer into him.

Edward shook Marcus's hand and looked to me. "So you've met. That's—well, that's just—awesome." He looked down and then to Chelsea. "We were just about to take off."

"We were?" Chelsea asked. "But Eddie," she pouted. "I thought we'd go on the Ferris wheel."

He grinned at her, and then placed a tender kiss on her nose. It was so sweet my stomach became a knotted mess. "Next time...it's too crowded...how am I supposed to hang out with just you?" He asked.

She giggled, and turned back to me. "Nice seeing you again."

I smiled. "Same here." Then I frowned when they walked past us and Edward didn't say anything. He didn't even say goodbye. Nothing; and it bothered me.

I didn't know what I did. I actually had to take a few deep breaths because I felt like crying.

"Hey," Marcus took my hand again.

I snatched my hand back. "Keep your hands—lips, and everything else to yourself, okay? I'm not interested."

"Shit...fine...whatever!" He put his hands up and walked away from me.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

He turned to shrug at me. "This was fun—but I just remembered..." he trailed off and just left. He walked towards the exit, and I slumped my shoulders where I stood. Damn.

From there I sought out Junior and Esme. They seemed to be a boring young couple, and the thought of being near Emmett and Rosalie who can't keep their hands off each other sickened me.

Junior also proved he wasn't a prick when he tried to win Esme a stuffed dog. He tried, and after a while of Esme laughing and asking him to stop, he did.

From that he won us a stuffed snake each.

It was cute, and I didn't feel like the third wheel. Esme does talk, and she's awesome. She told the story of how she met Junior. He was a first year resident, and she came into the emergency room with a broken leg. She was hit by a taxi.

My response was "Holy Fuck" and she nodded agreeing with me. She wasn't too banged up from the accident, although she did break a leg, and even with the broken leg Carlisle was smitten, and asked her out.

Esme admitted that she was so high on painkillers, she agreed. It was a joke, and all three of us shared a laugh. She's also a photographer for the New York Times, and I thought that was so damn cool.

We rode the bumper cars, Esme went on the Ferris wheel with me, since she loved it, and then we met up with Rosalie and Emmett so we could leave.

Rosalie asked where Marcus was, and I told her what happened. I left out the part I was truly upset about, and then became even more upset when Edward's car wasn't at the house. I wanted to ask him what his problem was, demand that he talk to me, and all that dramatic shit, but it looked like I wouldn't get the opportunity tonight.

We all went our separate ways once we entered the house. I changed into pajamas, and then tried to sleep. When I couldn't sleep I finished off the rest of those reports.

I also waited for Edward to come home, but when the clock read 3 a.m., exhaustion won out, and I fell asleep.

I didn't sleep soundly. I tossed, turned, and even woke up a few times, so when it was an appropriate time, I brushed my teeth and made my way downstairs. It seemed as though everyone was still asleep, except Edward.

He sat in the kitchen, in the clothes he wore last night, while he ate a bowl of cereal.

"Morning." I whispered.

He jumped and grabbed his chest. "Morning."

I slowly came to sit next to him at the counter. "You slept in your clothes?"

He shook his head no. "I haven't been to sleep yet."

"Oh..." I nodded.

He turned to grab a bowl and a spoon, and then placed them in front of me. "Breakfast?" He waved a box of Wheaties.

I shook my head no. "Did you make coffee?"

He shook his head no.

"Oh...how was—"

"How was—" We spoke over each other. "You first," he looked away from me.

"Um...how was your night? You seemed upset when I saw you." I whispered.

He shook his head no. "I wasn't upset and I had a great night."

"That's great." My stomach filled with butterflies. "Did you...um...sleepover her house?"

He nodded. "I did. How was your night with Marcus?"

I frowned. "It was stupid. He was...it was just too much. He kept touching me, and even kissed me." I stuck out my tongue. "He left right after you did. I wasn't interested. Did you sleep with her?"

He was quiet, and continued to eat his cereal.

"Edward?" I asked. "We're friends now...and all." I chuckled quietly, and I didn't know why I needed to know. I just did.

"I did..." he still wouldn't look at me.

"Oh...I hope it was—it was awesome." I smiled, but felt like I was kicked in the gut. I knew what this feeling was. It was the moment you've all been waiting for, jealously. I was hurt, and I had no reason to be. Edward is not my boyfriend.

"It was," he whispered.

"Okay...um...I guess everyone's a late riser. I'll go hide out until people wake up." I hopped from the stool. "You get some rest. I bet you're tired, and all...you big stud," I punched his shoulder, and it killed me to be so cheery, but that's what friends do, right?

He still didn't look at me as I made my way out of the kitchen. "Okay," I whispered, and then ran up to my room. Then I became angry and ran back downstairs. I planned to give Edward a piece of my mind. Why was he being such an ass? Especially after we decided to be friends, and he brings me here? That's what I wanted to know.

By the time I went back downstairs, Edward was washing his bowl. I narrowed my eyes at him, suddenly filled with more anger.

I was as frustrated as an armless man watching porn.

"What's your problem?" I asked.

He furrowed his brows at me. "Problem? I don't believe I have one."

"Why the silent treatment?" I asked. "Why did you leave without saying a word, and why'd you get all quiet just now?" I tapped my foot. "Answer me, and I know it's not because you're sexually frustrated. You've obviously taken care of that." I poked him.

"Morning," Esme said from the doorway.

"Morning," Edward said over his shoulder and looked back to me. "I don't have a problem. I think it's all in your head," he yawned.

I groaned went back upstairs to sulk. Yes, I sulked like some damn child.

After breakfast—yes, Mrs. Cullen came down to make breakfast and we all sat down like the Waltons, except Edward— and after Rose and I went to get some iced coffees, we lounged by the pool. Emmett and the rest of them went fishing at a nearby lake, and promised to be back for the barbeque. Edward was still asleep—that must have been some good sex—and I wanted to wake him up, just to fuck with him, but I didn't.

Rose and I sat around to soak up the sun while caterers and people set up the backyard.

"People cater barbeques?" I asked.

Rose shrugged as she applied more tanning lotion. "People with money—God, I love it here." She looked around.

I nodded. "I can see the appeal," I grumbled, and rapidly turned the page to a Home & Garden Magazine I found. "What is Edward's deal? Why do you think he slept with her?"

Rose laughed. "Why does anyone sleep with anyone? Why'd you sleep with Jake?"

"Good point." I said, and then tossed the magazine down. "What should I wear to this thing?"

"It's a barbeque. Wear that floral sundress you have. That's nice. I'll be wearing something similar."

I nodded. "Okay..."

"Bella..." Rose sat up to face me. "Can I ask you something?"

She seemed serious, so I sat up too. "Yes, of course, anything."

"Do you like my brother—not just think he's hot, but really like him? I think you might be hurt—jealous or whatever."

I shook my head no. "Pussy seems to turn your brother into an asshole. That's my problem." I sat back again. "I don't like him. Besides, he'll see this one for what? A week, like that Irina chick."

"I don't know." Rose said, and I didn't like the way she said that. "My father gave him a check for a few grand. He has the money so he can get his own place. She might stick around, even though I know Edward can't stand her...they did seem friendly last night though," she looked up to the sky pensively. "I don't know," she looked back down to me. "But if you like him, do something before he moves out."

I laughed. "I don't—I don't like him. We're friends—I mean, I do—like him, but he doesn't like me, so why should I make a fool out of myself?" I admitted it and felt out of breath.

And I honestly didn't know where that came from, but the more I thought about it, I realized that I do like Edward, romantically and not just as a person.

And I wanted to go jump off a cliff. This will just make living together that much weirder.

_The cockroaches can be buffers? Maybe. _

No. If he can get his own place now, it won't be a problem, but I don't want him to leave.

"You like him?" Rose grinned.

"I don't know, but I like having him as a friend, so why should I fuck that up? The both of us are clueless it seems when it comes to relationships, and I'd hate to lose a good friend." I ranted through a whisper, and spoke out my ass.

"I agree. You and Edward are fucking clueless. Just try to make up your mind before it's too late. Before he moves on or you move on...want me to talk to him for you?"

"No!" I shouted. "My God...No!" I shouted again. "We may act like teenagers, but that's going too damn far."

She put her hands up. "Just thought I'd ask...what do you think about winter weddings?"

"Rose..." I chuckled. "You and Emmett have been together less than a month. Don't do this again. You'll scare him."

She shrugged. "I was just asking—not for Emmett and I—just asking."

"Oh...okay...I guess they're okay. I've never been to one." I said. "So, Edward likes blondes...how do you think I'd look as a blonde?" I asked.

"You did not just go there." She laughed loudly.

I picked up my discarded magazine and chucked it at her. She caught it and then beat me with it until we were in a fit of giggles.

"Where's everyone and who are these people?" Edward said groggily. He looked a mess but still gorgeous. I stopped slapping Rosalie, and sat right in my chair as I stared straight ahead. Then I kept looking at him suspiciously through my peripheral.

"Mom is getting ready. Everyone else went fishing, and those are caterers." Rose said.

"You got iced coffee without me?" He picked mine up off the table and walked back into the house with it. Once he was inside, Rose hit me again.

"What the hell was that? The Bella I know would never let anyone hijack her caffeine." She whisper/yelled.

"Sometimes we share things..." I said.

"You don't share." She laughed.

"Sometimes—the kids at school are rubbing off on me—I don't know." I whispered, feeling like the saddest girl in the world. I did just lose my coffee.

"Ahuh...yeah...and hopefully soon you two can share a bed—"

I nearly threw myself at her then. "Rosalie, please keep your mouth shut. Don't do anything stupid. Please!" I squeezed her shoulders. "Is Tanya a blonde?"

She pushed me away from her. "I won't say anything—the both of you are going to turn my hair gray with this shit." She pushed me for no reason again. "And yes, Tanya is a blonde."

"What has he said to you? About me..." I whispered.

She shook her head. "Nothing." She lied. I knew she was lying because every time she does she has to scratch something. I let it go, as I watched her scratch her arm, and decided I had enough sun.

"I'm going in..." I stood up.

She waved me away. "Be ready by four."

"Yup. Yup." I sighed as I entered the house.

As I made my way to the staircase, I saw Edward looking in the refrigerator. I stopped in the kitchen, also seeing my coffee on the counter. Very quietly, I snatched it back, and then ran up to the bedroom. I laughed once the door was closed, and wondered if he'd notice.

While I gathered my clothes together for the evening, I saw Edward sneak in though my peripheral.

"Don't you dare!" I shouted, and knew he'd be back for the coffee. "Go make a pot."

He grabbed it anyway to take a sip. "Yours tastes better."

I grinned. "Everything me, tastes better."

He seemed taken back. "Is that so?" he gave me that yummy crooked grin. I wanted to sit on it.

I nodded. "Yeah...it is."

"You wearing that?" He pointed to the dress I had in my hands.

"I am." I said. "You wearing that?" I pointed to his basketball shorts. That's all he was wearing, and he looked fantastic—wait, I made mention of that already. Oh well.

"No...I gotta shower and stuff."

"Oh...I was thinking this and some sandals. Rose said it should be okay." I shrugged, at a loss for conversation.

"It will be."

"I have those gladiator shoes. They have a heel and they're tan...wanna see?" I asked.

"No."

"Oh..." I nodded.

"Can I ask you something?" He sat down on the bed.

"You want me to join you?" I chuckled, pointing to the bed.

"Yeah..." he grabbed my hand so I sat next to him.

"I was kidding. We can't have sex—and you still have Chelsea on you. I'm nasty, but that nasty. You need to shower—" I rambled until he placed a finger on my lips. That was when the oxygen disappeared from the room. It was an intimate gesture and it shook me to my core.

Oh God.

_It shook me to my core, like this was a Harlequin romance novel. _

I mentally snickered and came to. This is definitely not one of those.

"I'm sorry for this morning. I was tired and cranky." He removed his finger.

"Wow, I totally forgot about that. You didn't have to apologize." I lied.

"Right...well, I just thought you should know. I also wanted to talk to you about our living arrangement." He trailed his hand through his hair. "I'm going out on a limb here—"

I waved my hand. "Rose told me you were leaving. No hard feelings." I lied again.

Please stay, so the cockroaches don't eat me.

And I can ogle you while I try to seduce you.

I winced and thought myself a genius again. That's what I'll do. Starting now, and until he moves out "operation: seduce Edward" will be in effect. Once he gives me this week's rent, I'll go have my hair dyed blonde. I bet he'll go nuts after that. He can't seem to help himself when it comes to blondes.

"No...I can't believe she told you that but no. That's not what I wanted to run by you." He looked down to the floor. He also grabbed my coffee and slurped it down fast, until there was nothing left.

"Ass!" I grabbed it back from him.

He laughed. "I have a decent sized check—one that will cover security and one and half-month's rent."

"That's great—"

"Let me finish."

I nodded and gestured for him to continue.

"You know what...forget I said anything," he stood from the bed. He also seemed very nervous.

"What?" I grabbed his hand. "Just tell me."

He turned his head to stare at our hands. Then he intertwined our fingers, and turned his whole body to face me. "I like living with you. I'm not lonely, and I think you like having me there too."

"I do." I whispered. "I'm not lonely with you there, and since we've decided to be friends, I hoped it would start being fun," I took a very small step towards him.

He blew out a breath, and seemed to relax some. "Really?"

I nodded, picking our hands up. "So what were you going to say?" I rubbed the back of his hand, and didn't let go, but my eyes stayed focused on our feet. My heart was going a million miles a minute, and even if he calmed down, I was still nervous.

My breath became caught when he lifted my chin to look me in the eyes. "Live with me. We'll get a two bedroom. You hate your place. I want an actual bedroom, and we can still live together. We'll cure each other's loneliness. This way if we get sick of each other, we won't have to be so crammed together."

I jerked my head away. "I don't know. I hate to admit that I like having the power to tell you to fuck off." I laughed.

He laughed too and let go of my hand. "True. But we won't be so crammed—it was just stupid idea."

I nodded. "No cockroaches." I said.

"What?" he smiled.

"Whatever place we find we have to thoroughly check. I don't want cockroaches." I smiled back.

"Wow...this will be so cool," he kissed my hair.

"Cool," I whispered, wishing it was my lips. "We can be like "Will & Grace". Remember that show?"

"I'm not gay—"

I waved my hand. "You know what I mean."

"And when we have dates over they can spend the night."

I chuckled, but I didn't find it funny at all. "Right...do you plan on dating a lot? Now that you'll have privacy and all?"

"I don't know. What'd you think of Chelsea?" He sat back down.

I did too. "She seems...nice, but it doesn't matter what I think. You obviously liked her enough to sleep with her. Glad your cock is working again," I covered my mouth.

"I was nervous that night. My cock always works," he palmed his face.

I found myself rubbing his back. "It was a joke."

"Last night was bad—she just laid there, but it still worked." He pointed to his cock.

"We should introduce her to Jake—"

"Huh?" he asked. "Fuck. Forget I said that. She's a nice person. Maybe she was nervous? No. She wanted it...bad...it just wasn't—wasn't..." he grasped the air.

"Primal, like you rip your clothes off each other," I rubbed my thighs. "-and have to have each other right there," I ran my hands up my body and moaned. "-like kissing, sucking, biting, and fucking, and sweaty and..." I grabbed my breasts and gulped. "Like that?" I let out a small whimper, and fixed the strap on my bathing suit. I got a little carried away there.

He gulped too, as he stared at my breasts. "Yeah...like that." He looked down, and then cupped his crotch.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he stood up to sit right back down, but I saw it.

Edward had an erection.

I crawled my fingers along his thigh. "What'cha got there, Roomie?" I giggled.

He smacked my hand away. "Unless you plan to take care of it, keep your hands to yourself."

I grinned and scooted closer to him. "You don't mean that." I said, hoping he did.

He sighed, and then just walked out of the room with his wood guiding his way.

I sighed too, and then entered the bathroom to shower.

Once I was put together, I knew I looked good. I wore my purple floral sundress, and my gladiator sandals with the straps that go up my calves. I left my hair down and wavy, and applied some makeup.

And I felt sort of happy, so I had a smile on my face.

Of course the smile left as soon as I entered the backyard and saw Edward and Chelsea. He had his arm around her while they spoke to her parents. He looked good—he always does—and wore some loose khaki shorts, a short sleeved flannel button down, and some sneakers. He looked even better when he'd smile, and gulp down the beer he had.

"You're not subtle at all, you know that?" Rosalie asked.

I snapped out of it and turned to face her. "Shut up."

"You need a drink." She grabbed my hand and brought me over to the bar. This was a barbeque and they had a fucking bartender. "God...I love it here," Rose looked around again.

"Where's Emmett?" I asked.

"Talking to my dad. My dad loves him." She smiled, and turned to the bartender. "She'll have a double vodka with cranberry."

I nodded, agreeing with her. "That's nice. They seemed to get along yesterday too."

"Yeah...they did." She handed me my drink. "This barbeque sucks balls."

I looked around to all the middle-aged people. All were talking in groups. I had met everyone that made up the "younger" crowd, except for a statuesque blonde and a short-stocky gentleman.

I sucked down half my drink and then gasped. "Is that Tanya over there?" I jerked my head.

"In the flesh." Rose laughed.

I turned to look at her. She, of course, was beautiful and tall, and everything Edward likes.

And everything that I am not.

"_Pity...party of one...Pity...do we have Pity, party of one?" _

I mentally raised my hand to the pity party hostess.

"So that would be Kate next to her?" I asked, thinking she looked like Chaz Bono.

Rose nodded, now sucking down her own drink. "Let's go eat. There's nothing else to do."

I followed Rose over to the barbeque buffet and filled my plate with a whole mess of crap. Then we sat down at a table that Carlisle Jr. and Esme were occupying.

"Did you see her/him?" Carlisle Jr. asked me.

I nodded. "I'm not that impressed."

"Neither was I," he said.

"You two haven't seen anything yet. She's scary. I tell no lies." Rose said.

I looked back over to Kate. She had a medium, stocky build, and looked an inch or two taller than me. She also had her hair cropped short and was dressed similarly to Edward.

I looked back to Rose. "In high school, I wasn't very popular. I've taken down a bitch that size. Believe me, the bigger they are, the harder they fall." I looked back down to my plate. "She is not that scary."

"BOOYA!" Rosalie shouted. "I knew you was gangsta!"

"Rosalie, please..." Junior said. "Speak correctly."

"Please nothing. You act like you didn't grow up in the city with me." She waved her hand at him.

And then they argued again, while Esme and I shared an eye roll.

It wasn't long until I had finished my plate and Emmett came over to woo Rose into shutting up. After I finished, I needed another drink. Rose was wrapped up in Emmett while Carlisle and Esme went to talk to some old people, so I walked back over to the bar by myself. Kate was there, and I waited my turn.

"This is a nice barbeque." She said.

I nodded. "Yeah..."

"How do you know the Cullens?" She asked.

"I'm Rosalie's friend." I said. "-and you? How do you know them?"

She shrugged, leaning towards me. "A friend of the family." She lied.

"Oh...that's great." I looked back to the bartender who handed Kate two drinks. "I'll have another cranberry and vodka please." I asked.

"That's what I'm drinking too."

I grinned. "That's wonderful," I said sarcastically. To be honest, I had mixed feelings about this woman. She broke up a marriage, was not a friend of Edward's, and even punched him in the face. Yesterday I would have given her a high five, but today that pissed me off.

"That dress is amazing." She said.

I nodded. "Thanks." I grabbed my drink from the bartender and turned to face her. "Thank you." I gave her a small nod. "If you'll excuse me," I pointed.

"Not so fast, beautiful." She laughed.

I looked around myself, wondering if I was being punk'd again. She was—not for nothing—with one of the prettiest women in this backyard and she was hitting on me? Was she hitting on me? I couldn't be too sure. I also didn't want to be stereotypical and think that just because a lesbian called me beautiful means she wants to sleep with me.

"What's up?" I shrugged and sipped my drink. That was when she reached out to fix my bra strap. "Uh...thanks," I took it from her to right it myself. "I should tighten these."

She nodded. "I hate it when that happens—" she went down, right before my eyes. Not to eat my pussy; she just keeled over and I turned a horrified stare to Edward. He just fucking—knocked her ass to the ground.

"Holy shit!" I shouted at Edward. "What the fuck was that?"

"She had it coming—" and then he fell to the ground when Kate came back with a vengeance. She fucking lunged at him and I jumped back.

I turned to everyone around us who were just content to stare. "Help?" I turned to look back to Kate and Edward who were rolling on the floor. They threw punches and grabbed each other's hair. It was a true bitch fight if I ever saw one.

"Kick his ass, baby!" Tanya shouted.

"Oh hell no." I said. "She had it coming...and after what you two did." I turned back to them rolling on the floor. "Kick her ass, Edward! Come on!" I shouted and punched my own palm.

Sadly Kate had the upper hand and was straddling Edward.

"Go for the tits!" I shouted.

"Who the fuck are you?" Tanya asked me. "How do you know my business?"

I ignored her. "Someone should break this up." I looked to everyone. Mr. and Mrs. Cullen were at the far end of the yard talking to a few people, and this fight honestly didn't attract as much attention as I thought. We were by the bar, and it was hidden in the corner.

"Hell no...come on Kate!" Carlisle shouted.

"What the hell?" Rose asked.

"He made a bet with Emmett." Esme said.

"You bet against your own brother?" Rose asked.

"I bet on Edward," Emmett shrugged. "Come on...before someone breaks this up." He looked around.

I looked and saw that the tables had been turned. Edward was now laying the smack down on Kate.

"Come on Edward!" I shouted again.

"Don't encourage him," Chelsea said to me.

"Shut up." I spat at her, and then I looked to Marcus who took some money from Rosalie. "I got twenty on Edward," I shouted out to him, and he nodded in my direction.

Then I was pushed, and turned to Tanya. "Seriously, who the fuck are you?"

"I'm the bitch that's about to kick your ass if you don't get out my face," I pushed her back.

She pushed me again, and I jumped at her. I tackled that blonde, Amazon bitch to the ground. I pulled her hair, I scratched at her, and I hit her. I hit her for Edward, for me, for average woman everywhere. I hit her for hurting Edward, divorcing him, and for ruining him. Then, I hit her for no goddamn reason, besides to get some aggression out.

I've been in a rut lately.

And I kept on hitting her. If her man can pick on Edward, I was going to get my hits in on Tanya.

When I was on a pretty good roll, I was yanked away from her. Someone had an arm around my waist, but that didn't stop me from trying to kick at her. "Bitch!" I yelled.

"Calm down." Emmett laughed. "Damn."

So that's who it was. "Let me go. I'm okay." I pushed my hair away from my face. He placed me down and I felt so fucking embarrassed when I faced the crowd. Apparently, my fight broke up Kate and Edward's. They both looked roughed up, but not really damaged. Tanya was another story. Although I doubt I seriously hurt her, she was crying, and Kate was quick to coddle her.

"I'm sorry." I said to Rose.

She laughed. "That was fucking awesome."

Then it was just awkward. Tanya's parents were quick to whisk her and Kate away. They left—just left, and didn't say a word to anyone. Then, of course, there were awkward stares and money exchanged between Marcus and a lot of people.

Mr. and Mrs. Cullen were now witness to it all, including all their guests. I walked to them first. "I am so-so sorry." I breathed back a sob. "I ruined your barbeque, and..."

"Relax..." Mr. Cullen rubbed my shoulder. "A fight always breaks out after someone has too much to drink, right dear?" He turned to his wife.

She gave me a look close to disgust. "I'll never hear the end of it from my society ladies," she walked away from me. That made me feel like genuine shit.

"I'm so sorry." I said.

"She'll get over it." Mr. Cullen said, before he went after his wife.

That dirty look from Liz wasn't the last of it. Everyone looked at me like I was some sort of vermin, except the younger crowd, of course. They all thought I was awesome, and kept giving me high fives and fist pounds.

And then there was Edward. After a few minutes my eyes sought him out, and I saw him staring right back at me. We slowly walked towards each other.

"This was...um...weird." He said, keeping pressure on his lip with a napkin. "You have a scratch," he touched my cheek.

I nodded. "I'm probably a mess."

"You look great," he laughed, and that laugh made my stomachache.

I looked down. "I should probably go. I know we leave tomorrow, but your mom..." I turned to look for her and couldn't find her. "Can you drive me to a bus station or something?" I asked.

"No...you know what we should do?" He asked.

I shook my head. "What?"

"We get rip-roaring drunk. This barbeque was to welcome summer. We should welcome it, and we should be drunk."

"I don't know," I said wary. "Your mom...and I'm staying here. I just—I feel bad. She must really like Tanya, and..." I stopped talking. "I'm sorry." I rushed out to him. What if he still loves her and is mad at me for hitting her? I don't know, but I felt the need to apologize to him.

"Don't worry about my mother. She just gets embarrassed. No matter how large my father's bank account is, and how many societies my mother is a member of, we're still white trash," he shrugged. "My father knocked out Mr. Volturi last year, and they're cool now," he touched just under my chin. "So, why are you sorry?"

I slumped my shoulders. "For everything. I'm sorry for hitting Tanya."

He laughed. "Thank you. I feel the need to thank you. It may not be deemed appropriate that I hit a woman that carries herself as a man anyway, but there have been times where I have wanted to—" he stopped talking but still strangled the air. "Thank you."

"Edward?" Chelsea melted into his side.

His smiled disappeared. "What's up?"

"What are you guys talking about?" She looked to me.

I waved my hands. "Nothing important." I left them then, and went to Rosalie and Emmett. They were sitting at a table, and they weren't making out.

"Can one of you take me to a bus or a train? Anything?" I asked.

Rose looked at me like I was crazy. "Because of mom? Please. She'll love you again tomorrow, trust me. Have a drink." She pushed hers towards me.

And that's what I did.

I drank.

I drank to summer, single women everywhere, life, and for no goddamn reason at all. Needless to say, I became very drunk.

By the end of the night, so was everyone else.

When I got sick of looking at Chelsea and Edward, I made out with Marcus.

When I noticed that Edward didn't see because he was too busy downing shots with Chelsea, I pushed Marcus away from me. He didn't like that, so he got a knee in the balls.

"Shit!" I shot up to hold my head, and look around. I was still in the backyard. The sun was shinning, the birds were chirping, and Edward was sprawled out next to me. He was covered by a large towel, so I grabbed it to wrap it around me. It was cold, but then I forgot all about the cold, and pulled up my sundress.

I was still wearing my underwear.

Fuck.

It would have been awesome if Edward had his wicked way with me on the lawn, for everyone to see.

"No it wouldn't," I mumbled to myself.

"Greedy," Edward grabbed the towel back. I held onto it and then kicked at him. He let it go and rolled over. "Bitch," he slurred.

I kicked him again. "You think you're so tough cause you beat up a woman?" I sounded like a frog or something. Okay, so I may not remember everything, but I'm still a little bitter about Chelsea.

"Man bitch," I heard someone say behind me. I turned to see Carlisle Jr. in the hammock. Then I looked around some more and saw Rosalie and Emmett passed out on a lounge chair. It was broken, but they both fit, only their legs were hanging off. I didn't see Esme anywhere. Oh, no. She was back here too. I saw her hair hanging off the porch swing. I definitely didn't see Chelsea, though. So I tried to look around Edward, hoping he fell on her, and squished her or something—I hoped her ass was ingrained in the grass.

I'm not only horrible, I'm evil too.

Then I cradled my head. I wanted to go inside, but I just couldn't. I sat there and whimpered instead.

"Wanna cuddle—body warmth," Edward groggily lifted his arm while he shivered.

My first thought was that I don't do that but I got over my shit. I slowly, weakly, made my over to Edward. I curled up beside him like a kitten, and draped the towel over us both. "My head hurts," I whimpered.

"There-there," he patted my hip.

"Lower," I said.

"There-there," he patted my ass.

I snickered and then winced. "Oww—we should go inside. Can you carry me?"

"Are your legs broken?" Edward whispered.

"Shut-up," Carlisle said.

I swallowed back some vomit. Edward rolled over to envelope me in his arms, and surprisingly I shut up

But more importantly, I was okay, and didn't puke on him.

**Thank you for reading. **

**Please leave me your thoughts.**

* * *

><p><strong>FIC RECS:<strong>

**"Big Lights, Big City," by foreverisoneday **

Small town girl meets big city boy. Both are adventurous and have pasts they're running from. Their pasts also hold secrets which will forever haunt their dreams. AH/OOC. E/B. Angst/Romance.

**"Forever is a Promise you Keep" by Shelikesthesound**

Bella loves Edward, much more than she should. Edward is an addict,and Bella deals with it. Years of this cycle begin to take its toll, and Bella is fed up. A near fatal accident forces Edward into a coma while Bella re-examines her previous decision. Rated M. AH. Romance/Drama**  
><strong>


	7. Jax and his motorcycle Momma

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Beta'd by aeglow. Huge thank you to everyone still reading and reviewing. Your support is much appreciated. I'm still surprised at how many of you like the silliness that is OtB. lol. I love it, and laugh my ass off while I write. I also hold back, but I don't want to anymore. If you want more silly let me know...or not. **

"**Outside the Box" chapter 7 "Jax and his Motorcycle Momma"**

As I lie in bed and gaze up to the ceiling, I wondered why I couldn't fall asleep. I've been tossing and turning for hours, and I'm getting quite anxious. Every time I look at the clock, I count down just how much sleep I'll get if I fell asleep now.

Before it was six hours. Then it was five, and now I'm looking at three and a half.

Aggravated now, I pulled my sheet from me and tip-toed out of my bedroom. I remembered to grab my robe first, and yet still shivered and shook as I made my way to the kitchen.

Edward seems to believe that if we keep the apartment at sub-zero temperatures, despite the sweltering heat outside, the cockroaches will stay at bay. I personally use the energy saver setting, but of course I could always shut it off and mooch off Edward's air conditioner. Then I'll have to sleep with my door open, and that's not happening.

The other day I had the weirdest wet dream. I dreamt that Edward watched me sleep, which caused me to masturbate while he still watched. It was amazing, but when I woke up it felt real—like one of those dreams that felt real. Okay, so I have no good analogies there. But it felt real, dammit.

And...Edward ignored me the next day. It could all be in my head. I did eat his yogurt again. I don't know. We're back to normal now, and Edward would never be creepy enough to come watch me sleep.

I am.

I'm the creepy fuck who watches him sleep.

I've developed some creepy, serial killer behavior. What I do is stand in the archway of the kitchen and eat yogurt while I watch him. The yogurt keeps me from lunging and devouring him—it's all in the spoon. I pretend the spoon is his dick; meanwhile, I can't see shit when he sleeps. He's covered by too many damn blankets.

Otherwise when I stare at him, like in everyday life, an odd thing happens. The only way to describe it is, I am Wile E. Coyote and Edward is the Roadrunner. When I see Edward—the Roadrunner—I don't see Edward. I see a huge roasted chicken. He's like a cartoon mirage.

Now if only an anvil can drop from the sky and knock some sense into my ass...

That'd be classic.

"I can feel your eyes on me," Edward said.

"Huh?" I turned around and pretended like I didn't say anything. I threw my spoon into the sink while I opened and closed the refrigerator for no reason. "I think you're dreaming." I said in the archway again.

"Whatever...go to bed..." He rolled over. "What time do you have to be at the museum?" He yawned.

I smiled wide. "Eight-thirty. I'm always nervous for my first day. It's not really my first day..." I waved a hand and went to sit next to him on his bed. "I just have to go in, make a schedule, and then I'm off for two weeks." I shivered a bit and grabbed his blanket to cover myself.

Hmmm. I melted where I sat. Edward's legs were so warm.

"Christ...your feet...they're like ice-cubes."

"Whose idea was it to keep this place like a meat freezer?" I asked.

He ignored that and this time I felt his eyes on me in the dark. "Tomorrow is my last day of school."

I nodded. "Will you work at the bistro full-time?"

"No," he whispered. "Well...I'll work Sunday afternoons, too. I signed up to teach summer school. It's half days and I'll be at one of those nice schools." He sat up and I could tell by his voice he was smiling.

It made me smile too. "That's great."

"Thursday...I said I'd go see this apartment...did you want to come?"

I nodded but otherwise didn't say anything. It's been two weeks since we were at his parent's house, and he hasn't brought up the subject again. I didn't want to bring it up. I expected him to do so. "What's this apartment like?" I asked.

"Um...I hear it's in a decent building. There's two bedrooms, an eat-in kitchen, a small living area, one bathroom, and it gets fumigated every few months. It's not too far away from here. Although..." he sighed. "I'm hoping when September rolls around I'll have a permanent spot at ERHS."

"Huh?" I asked.

"Eleanor Roosevelt high school. That's where I'm teaching this summer. It's on the East side—76th Street."

"Oh..." I said. "But...living here you have to travel uptown anyway. So what's the big deal if you travel downtown and to the East side?"

"I know. It'd just be nice to walk...then again, if we get a place close to there, you can't walk to school anymore."

I smiled so wide listening to his words. "Um..." I giggled. "I'm in no rush, and if I have to travel it's no biggie. Find a place you like."

"What?" He laughed.

"Find a place—" I yawned, feeling exhausted.

"No, I heard you. I just didn't expect you to be so...so accommodating and so go with the flow," he said. "Doesn't matter. You shouldn't have to travel. After all, if it was that big deal I'd just get my own apartment." He sighed as he rolled back over.

"A huh." I curled up in a ball by his feet.

"Bella?"

I melted into the mattress, feeling oddly at ease—tired even.

_**/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/**_

"So...you're telling me—" Rose placed her hand on her chest. "-that you finally made it into my brother's bed, and nothing happened?" She made a face.

I giggled and shook my head no. "Honest. Nothing happened. We were talking and I just fell out."

"Nothing happened?"

"Nothing." I frowned this time.

"Huh?" Rose put out her cigarette.

"Since when do you smoke, anyway?" I asked.

She blew her smoke out and faced me. "Since I'm trying to lose five pounds."

"That works?" I asked.

"When you're hungry, instead of food—smoke a cigarette," she shrugged. "Yeah, it works."

"Oh...so you'd rather get lung cancer than sign up for Weight Watchers?" I asked and almost bumped into some old guy. "Watch it, gramps." I turned back to Rose.

She shrugged again. "It's only five pounds. You should try it too." She poked my stomach. "Not smoking...just losing a few pounds. It is the summer."

"I've been doing a lot of...emotional eating." I frowned. "But who cares? No one wants to fuck me anyway, so I'll enjoy my food." I nodded. "What's your story?"

"Emmett is taking me to New Jersey again...the Jersey Shore this time. His whole family—aunts, cousins, and what-not—will be there. They rent a house down there. I just want to look my best because I'll be wearing a bathing suit most of the time."

I nodded and sipped my iced coffee.

"Did Edward tell you he has a date with Chelsea this Friday?"

I continued to frown. "He doesn't talk about her. I know they have met for coffee—"

"He's not serious about her, so don't worry about it. This date is actually a mixer thrown by her daddy's firm. She needed a date, and Edward is so persuadable." She rolled her eyes. "I don't think he like-likes her."

I snorted. "Are they still sleeping together?"

She shook her head no. "Not that I know of—look, I have to head back to the office."

I nodded. "Thanks for _not_ having lunch with me."

"Shut up." She kissed my forehead. "We had coffee...same shit."

I waved to her as she rapidly walked away from me.

From there I hopped back on the subway and went home. I had nothing else to do, so I went home. This morning when I went to the museum, I was able to make myself a cushy schedule. I'll be working eleven a.m. to seven p.m. four days a week. I can't wait. Things will still be tight money wise, but with Edward paying more it's not so bad. He doesn't pay a weekly rate as of recent. We actually went half on the rent for June, so I had some money saved just in case. It's not a fortune...just a few hundred dollars for my pocket.

When I entered the apartment Edward was home, and he wasn't alone.

"Bella, this is James." Edward introduced me to a tall blonde male. Someone should tell him that his pony tail, which is circa 1985, is out of style, unless he's in a motorcycle club.

_I love me some Sons of Anarchy_.

That'd be hot.

"Hi..." I waved and noticed that he held a helmet. "You—um—" I swallowed. "You drive a motorcycle?" I asked.

James nodded but gave a brief look to Edward. "My wife and I are trying to have a baby, so I'm riding this as much as possible, until I have to sell it."

"You'll look good in a minivan." Edward patted his back. "You can't lug a baby around in your work truck."

I felt stupid just standing there. "Do you ride?" I asked Edward.

His cheeks became flushed and he looked down.

"Him?" James jerked his thumb. "The first time I took him out he had a panic attack. We're going to try it again, though."

"Oh..." I reached out to rub Edward's arm but took my hand back fast. "That's understandable." I looked back to James. "What outfit are you with?"

"Outfit?" He asked like he didn't hear me.

Edward laughed. "Just because he rides, doesn't mean he's with a gang—"

"Sons of Anarchy?" James asked.

I nodded. "I love that show."

James smirked in my direction. "People say I look like that guy. What's his name, Jax?"

I shook my head. "You don't—I mean—shit." I stopped talking.

Edward was laughing hysterically, and I had no idea why.

"I'm going to make myself a sandwich." I walked away from them and entered the kitchen.

"Bella?" Edward had followed me.

"You want one?" I asked, grabbing for the bread.

"No...I'm heading out."

"Okay," I waved. "When will—" I stopped talking. It's none of my business when he'll be home.

"Not too late," he winked, and I didn't know what that wink meant. "See you, pretty girl." He bit his lip and I could tell he really wanted to smile.

"Where are you—" I caught myself again.

_He is not my boyfriend. He is not my boyfriend. He is not my boyfriend. _

"What?" Edward asked.

"Fuck!" I slapped my forehead. "What'd you hear?"

"Huh?" He looked confused.

"What was that?" I played stupid.

"I don't know." Edward looked down. "I'm confused."

I nodded and shrugged my shoulders, at a loss. I had no idea what to say. "See you later, sexy pants." I winked back.

_Booya! Fuck you! Woot-Woot! I hope you're all uncomfortable now._ I was mentally cheering and doing fucking cart wheels.

"Sexy pants?" He chuckled. "You're too cute." He patted my arm and left again.

I slumped my shoulders. Cute? Bunnies and babies are fucking cute. I called him sexy pants. Can't he call me "tight-pussy" or something equally erotic as that?

Fucking, sexy pants...What am I going to do with him?

Then as soon as I heard the door close, I knew what I was going to do with him. I forgot about my sandwich and ran into my bedroom. I grabbed my vibrator and shimmied out of my pants and underwear. Then, I practically did a nose dive into my bed while I giggled madly.

I was so excited.

Orgasm, here I come...literally.

_Wacka-wacka-wacka._

I was wet enough, so I didn't bother with anything special, like Crisco or Astroglide. It's not like I have those things anyway. I was quick to align it with myself and shove it right the fuck in there. Even that felt fucking amazing, until I turned it on, and then it felt a whole lot better.

The sound of it filled my ears and I tried to ignore it. This damn thing was so loud—

I couldn't concentrate, but then I closed my eyes.

_In a crowded bar I was dancing next to Rose to some great music. We knew some guys were watching us, so we got down very low to swing our hips. _

"_He's staring at you." Rose whispered. _

"_Who?" I asked and whipped my head around. _

"_The president. Don't look." _

_I swayed my hips as I made my way up, and locked eyes with the president. His leather jacket and tight jeans looked amazing on him, and I could still see the dragon tattoo that went up his neck. His green eyes stared back while his hand ran through that copper sex hair he has. _

_Suddenly, I was turned away from him and in Jake's arms. "What are you doing here?" He held me close to dance, and I danced along with him. _

"_Dancing," I said. _

"_You should go. You don't belong here. Its members only," he whispered. "I'm trying hard to get in, and you—you being here is a huge distraction for me. None of the other guys bring their girlfriends—" _

_Then I watched as Jake was pushed to the side, and Edward, the President, took my hand. "Beat it, Prospect." We didn't exchange any words, and Jake was smart. He didn't open his mouth at all. _

"_Come with me," Edward said. _

_I kept hold of his hand and followed him into a back room—_

No, a garage.

_I held his hand as he brought me into a garage filled with motorcycles. "Wow," I said, looking at all the chrome and steel that filled the area. There were quite a few beautiful bikes in here. _

"_Pick one." He waved his arm. _

"_Pick one?" I bit my finger seductively. _

"_Which one do you want me to fuck you on?" _

_My head whipped around once again to pick out a bike. "I don't—" I wanted to say that I had no preference, but I'm guessing Edward knew that. He crashed his lips to mine as he shrugged out of his leather jacket. _

_Muscles. All I felt were muscles, rock hard muscles pushing against me, and when I ran my hands up his chest he was all sweaty. _

"_I want to lick your muscles." I whispered. _

_He nodded and stood back so I could lick his muscles. I kissed, licked, and bit him while my hands were fast to undo his pants. "I want you to fuck me." _

"_I plan to." He pulled me up by my hair and then lifted me up. He went all Cave-Ward on me. Since he's the President and I went to his club's—The Sons of..._ah fuck it_...Anarchy—party, he didn't even have to ask. I was his whether I liked it or not. If I wasn't down then I had no business showing up. My body latched on to his as he brought me over to a bike. The seat was cool against my ass and legs, while there was a fire going on in my crotch area. "Let me see your tits." _

_I did him one better. _

_I snapped my fingers—like Sabrina the Teenage Witch—and suddenly we were both naked. _

"_How'd that happen?" Edward asked as he looked down at his naked body. _

"_Magic." I pulled him toward me. "Now fuck me on this bike." _

_He nodded and grabbed his dick. "I will fuck you on this bike." _

"_Okay," _then I decided to leave the dialogue out of this fantasy, and turn Edward—my vibrator—up a notch or two.

_His perfect penis smiled at me as he came toward me. He didn't grow teeth and lips, but he looked hard and happy—ready to be fucked. My response was to smile, lean back, and get ready to take the cock. I did just that. Edward rammed his cock into me hard, making me gasp out in pleasure. His body rocked against me, as the pressure in my belly grew and grew. _

_He was good. _

_He fucked me just the way I liked it—with a dick, and I was surprised that his cock vibrated. "I tweaked it special for you," he panted. "One thousand RPMs per minute." _

"_...thank you. What's that mean?" Motorcycle-gang-Ward confused me. _

"_Revolutions—per—minute!" He fucked me with his words. _

"_You're so smart." I clawed at his back while he picked up the pace. "Edward." I breathed._

"_Bella." He said through clenched teeth. _

"_I'm...Edward, I'm—" I was close and my body started to convulse. "Harder—Edward..." I moaned, and spread my legs wider. _

"_Bella..." _

"_Edward..." My body rocked to his roughly, and I came around his cock. It felt amazing and my body slumped back against the bike. "...Edward."_

Sighing, I laid back wearing a silly grin and rubbed my feet against my sheets.

"What?"

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!" I let out a mortified scream as he was suddenly in my bedroom—_come on, you knew it was coming_. If I wasn't horrified and this was "Saved by the Bell" I'd stop time and raise an eyebrow at the audience, like Zack Morris. The smoothest motherfucker ever. Too bad all his television shows since then get cancelled after a season or two of him starring in it.

So not the time.

"Christ...are you okay?" Edward let himself in. "I heard you yelling." His eyes raked down my body. I was fully covered by a sheet, so I hoped I could get-away with saying 'I was taking a nap'. "What's that noise?"

"What noise?" I sat up and did a little shake when the vibrator went deeper.

"Wow...your face is so red. Want the AC on? It's stifling in here."

I snapped my fingers. If the AC was on in the first place, no one would be able to hear my vibrator. "Yes, please."

I watched that sexy fucker—the Roadrunner, dressed as a three-course meal—walk over to the window and turn on the Air Conditioner. While he wasn't looking, I reached down to shut off the vibe, but then left it on. Fuck it. He'll be gone in a second and I can go for round two. Edward is always forgetting something. He'll be gone soon. Yup. Yup.

So I squirmed my hips a little.

"Are you really okay? Why were you..." he trailed off and looked around the room.

"I—I thought I saw a spider." I lied. "-and I heard you come in."

He arched one of his perfect brows.

I shook a little and looked away from him when my squirming made the vibrator move. It was a great spot too. Fuck. "I—I," I hung my head and tried to catch my breath. "You should go..."

"What's wrong?" He came to sit on my bed. "You can tell me."

I nodded and swallowed. "I—oh fuck—I can do cockroaches but not spiders."

He laughed. "I just forgot my wallet. I'll see you later." He patted my back and instinctively I grasped his shoulders. "Um..."

"I'm sorry." I breathed, ready to take it home a second time. I took my hands back, but he was quick to latch on.

"Bella?" He asked. "Are you sure you're okay?"

I wrapped my arms around him to hug him. His scent threw me into overdrive and I bit down on his t-shirt as I came again. I moaned and did another shake.

"Um...Bella?"

"Thanks for the hug, roomy." I breathed.

"Why is your bed vibrating?" He asked. Cause he's a stupid motherfucker, that's why.

I leaned away. "I don't know what you're talking about." I clamped my legs closed which only made it louder. "May—maybe I'm possessed by the devil." I threw that out there, but there was no way I'd flop around and pretend. Last time I did that—for no good reason—I gave myself a headache.

He laughed. "I think the bed moved in that movie. It didn't vibrate."

"Your mother sucks cocks in hell." I said in my best demon voice. "Chelsea is a whore!...See?"

He grinned and rose off the bed. "Are you—were you—" he looked confused. "Is that all you do?" He looked serious for a minute.

I pushed my hair behind my ear and looked away from him. "Huh?...it's the devil, I say." This time I had a British accent. "Te quiero, Taco Bell." I said and feigned panic.

I whined. "I don't speak Spanish—I'm speaking in tongues—help me. Fucking El Diablo—_what'd you say bitch?_" The devil asked, sounding like Rick James this time. "Charlie Murphy!...Help me." I looked innocently up to Edward and tried not to laugh. "Is there any writing on me?" I lifted my shirt to show him my bra—mainly my tits. "The real Bella might be trying to get out—eat my pussy—shut up—eat my pussy. See?" I snorted a little and lowered my shirt.

He wasn't surprised by any of that and kept his eyes glued to mine. "Were you? You—you were—" he backed away from me and tripped over my sneaker. Then he fell right on his ass.

I got onto my knees and laughed which pushed the vibrator out of me. Luckily he was too busy trying to get up and didn't notice me shut it off. "What's up with you?"

"What's up with me?" He brushed off his ass. "You were...and you said my name...and did you just...um...fuck," he trailed his hand through his hair. "This is—uh—this is..."

I laughed louder. "What the fuck are you trying to say?"

"You were mast—" he blew out a breath. "Y-y-y-you always ma-ma-mast..." he stuttered. "When I came—"

"You came?" I asked. "When? Just now?" I snickered.

"—home. When I came home...th-that's what you were doing. Every day...you mast..."

I knew what he was trying to say. I wasn't as embarrassed as you might think. I honestly didn't give a fuck. Nope. Not when he's being a stuttering fool. The man can't even say 'masturbating'. This was awesome.

I picked up the vibrator. Since "operation: seduce Edward" was forgotten about, I decided to go ahead with it now. "I was masturbating." I showed him the vibrator.

"That—that—" he pointed.

I grinned and stared at it. "Yeah, it's pretty big."

He gulped as he stared at it. "Why—why did you say—"

"I came twice just now." I ignored what he said. "I'm still on it." I licked the tip of the vibrator to taste myself and let out a little moan. "Wow...I was crazy wet too." I leaned back and sighed. "I like cock."

Edward gulped again and adjusted his dick.

"I like sucking dick too." I placed the whole fucking thing in my mouth and took it deep. Then I gagged a little and eased up. "Do you like blow-jobs, Edward?"

"Fuck..."

I giggled. "There's nothing wrong with masturbation." I palmed my own tit.

He shook his head no. "I jack it in the shower."

"I hear you." I admitted.

"You...you-you..."

"Did you find your wallet?" James poked his head in and I was quick to try and hide the vibrator. Too bad it slipped out of my hands and turned itself on. It rolled onto the floor and made a whole bunch of noise now.

"Fuck." I went to hop out of bed to get it, but then remembered I wasn't wearing anything from the waist down

"Shit—sorry." James backed out of the room and then I heard a crash. He must have fell on something.

Edward was still staring at me.

"Can you grab that?" I asked. "Edward?" I was very nervous now, and in the back of my mind wondered if James was okay. I heard him groaning. "_He _better not be masturbating."

"What?" Edward turned around. "Fuck!" He left the room.

I hopped out of bed, making a toga out of my sheet, grabbed the vibe to shut it off, and ran out to see James. He was on the floor while my entertainment center was on top of him.

"Oh my God." I covered my mouth.

"You okay, buddy?" Edward lifted it up, and I surveyed the damage.

I'm evil, and didn't give a fuck about his friend. I wondered if my TV was okay. It looked okay, but the few framed pictures I had broke. Glass littered the floor and my CDs and DVDs did too.

"Let me just..." I turned to go back into my room. I threw on my panties and pants I wore earlier, and ran back out into the living room .

"Go put something on your feet." Edward said. He too worried more about the television and was placing it on the coffee table. I ran back to get my flip-flops and then flopped back out there.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

James wouldn't look at me as he held his head, and Edward wore a wide smile.

"I'm just going to go." James said as he stood up again.

"Sorry." I said.

"What were you—never mind." He shook his head and then stared at Edward.

"Might as well," Edward slapped his hand to James'. "I have to meet Chelsea in the village in an hour."

"Chelsea?" I asked, and basically ignored James as he made his way out. "You have to help me clean this." I kicked a piece of glass. "You can't leave."

"Just relax. I'll do it," Edward pushed his hair back. "You mast—you..." he shook his head. "Only you could do what you were doing and cause a catastrophe."

I grinned and took two steps toward him. "It's a gift."

"I see that." He looked down. "You really like to fuck with people too."

Then I looked down and silence filled the room. After a few minutes it started to drive me crazy. "So you have a date?"

"Coffee...she wants to—"

I waved my hand. "I don't care." I didn't want to hear about his Chelsea. "I'm sorry I acted—when I heard someone come in, I just wanted to make sure it was you." I shrugged.

He nodded with a frown. "I figured such...were you...when you called—that's why you were yelling?"

I chuckled. "You have some timing."

He laughed too. "Sorry we disturbed you. I'll be back later to help you clean up. I promise."

I looked at the mess and knew it wasn't going to get up and leave. "Okay...have fun."

He rolled his eyes. "Right."

I didn't stay out there for much longer and re-entered my bedroom. With the air now a bit cooler, as soon as I hit my bed I felt a little sleepy. I didn't get much rest the night before, and I woke up in Edward's bed.

Edward's bed.

Even if I slept by his feet like a dog, it was crazy comfortable. Just like sleeping with him on his parent's lawn proved to be comfortable. Edward is cuddly, and relaxes me.

With a sigh, I succumbed to sleep.

My cell phone was ringing and I woke up to see that it was dark out. I let the phone ring and slumped back into my bed. Now I'll never sleep tonight. Blah. When my phone started ringing again I grabbed it out of my purse. "What?" I asked Rosalie.

It sounded loud, wherever she was. "Hey...I'm at a bar near my job. We won a case."

"Good for you." I yawned and sat up.

"Come down and have a drink."

"No...I would but...I don't want to." I was too lazy to think up a good lie.

"You're on vacation! Did you decide if you're going out to Washington?"

"No..." I left my bed. "It's not economically possible at the moment." I grumbled.

"So come down. There's this guy—"

"No!" I shouted. "No guys—" I heard a bark or a yelp coming from the living room. "What the—" I went to leave.

"He's single. I swear to God he's single. He's a blonde dreamboat. He's an associate...Mike—"

"My-cunt." I giggled and entered the living room. It was clean. Everything was put back to where it was, but that's not what I cared about. Edward was playing with a puppy. "I gotta go." I hung up on Rose. "Who is that?" I melted. The puppy looked like a baby Dalmatian, and he was so tiny.

Edward grinned. "You're up. There's KFC in the kitchen."

"A puppy and fried chicken?" I felt close to tears. Edward was just too good to be true. I wanted to rub my crotch on his face, then club him so I could drag him down the aisle and marry him.

"You noticed this little guy, huh?" Edward picked him up, and he looked so damn happy.

"I did." I giggled. "Hi puppy!" I said in a very high pitched voice. "Is he ours—I mean yours?" I asked.

"Um...he doesn't have a home. Some lady had three in a cardboard box. I thought you'd like this one. He's pretty quirky. The lady said he's always licking his dick. That's all he does." Edward let him go and the puppy did exactly what Edward said. He started licking his junk.

"Oh..." I became excited. "So we can keep him? I mean..." I didn't want to just assume.

"If you want. I told her you might say no...so it's up to you." He picked him up and placed the puppy in my arms. "Pick out a name."

"Jax—his name is Jax." I let him lick my face and then stopped him. Jax is a dick licker.

"Cool name." Edward nodded. "I waited...um...to eat. Chelsea and I only had coffee and then I wanted to get this little guy over here."

I was too excited about Jax to eat. "Let's go get him a leash and bowls, and-and we need food!" I felt so happy.

Edward smiled at me. "Sounds good."

"Let me—" I went back into my bedroom to put some shoes on and grab my purse, all while I held onto Jax. I loved him already.

Later that night I couldn't sleep again, but this time I had someone to keep me company. I grabbed all the toys Edward and I bought Jax and sat on the floor to play with him. At first he enjoyed it, but then he starting licking his dick again and liked that more.

I could relate. I can't imagine eating pussy, but if I could lick my own I'd totally do it.

Jax gnawed at his own dick, and I closed the distance. I wondered if he had crabs or fleas or something. He had nothing and laid on his back. "I'm not going to play with it. You little pervert." I rubbed his tiny belly as his tail wagged around like crazy. "I love you." When he started to pant, I withdrew my hand to sigh and look back to my bed. "Should we try sleeping?" I glanced at my alarm clock and saw that it was a little after two.

"You wanna go see what Edward is doing?" I whispered.

He didn't reply.

"Me too." I scooped him into my arms and rose from the floor. Then I cuddled him to me as I crept out into the living room. The air was cold and the low hum of the air conditioner sounded, along with his soft snores. "He's sleeping." I whispered and watched Edward. "What was that?" I held Jax closer to my ear. "You want to sleep with him?" I whispered and shivered. "Join the club—oh, you just want to sleep-sleep with him." I nodded and giggled.

Only me.

I tip-toed over to Edward and stood there again.

"What?" He asked.

"Jax can't sleep."

"He's a dog. Put him on the floor and go to bed." Edward said into his pillow.

"He misses you." I whispered and then shivered a third time. "It's so cold." I quickly lifted the covers and got into bed with Edward.

"What are you—"

"We're cold." I hugged his blanket to me, and it was so fucking warm in here. "Um..." I placed Jax down and watched him disappear under the blanket.

Edward lifted the blanket to watch him, and I peeked under to check out Edward's crotch. He was wearing sweats. Damn. I was hoping his dick was hanging out of his boxers or just...out.

"I guess he likes this bed." I went to leave. "So-sorry." I shook.

"You can stay—I mean...if you want." Edward said. "He is "ours" and...um...I don't want you to feel bad that he likes my bed more. I'm sure he just—"

"Just shut up." I pushed him a little and he moved over. "Can we cuddle?" I just put it out there. "When we were in Long Island—"

"Shut up." He draped his arm over me and pulled me down.

I smiled in the dark and found myself comfortable in his arms.

_**/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/**_

"So...you slept in my brother's bed again...and still nothing?" Rose made a face.

I groaned. "Why are you so surprised? He's not into me. He treats me like—like I'm his sister." I bent down to lift Jax. The street was so busy I was afraid he'd get trampled on. "Hot dog?" I asked Rose when I saw a vendor.

"No...and he bought you a dog?" She patted Jax's head. "It just—it doesn't make sense. I have to talk to him."

"About? Don't say...don't do anything. I'm working on something. I have a plan." I nodded.

"I think Edward does too..."

"And he didn't buy Jax. Some lady was giving him away." I kissed Jax's head.

"Yeah right...this is New York City. No one gives anything away for free but attitude. Besides, this looks like a pure-bred Dalmatian. These probably go for hundreds of dollars."

I pursed my lips as I thought about that. "Why would he..."

"Because...if you like the puppy—" she laughed. "Forget I said anything. That sneaky fucker."

"Rose." I stopped her from walking.

"Because if you fall in love with the puppy, it'll make it that much harder for you both to walk away from each other. That's why."

I smiled. "I didn't think about that. So even if he moves out, he'll still keep in contact because of Jax?"

"Something like that."

"I have to tell you what happened yesterday." I laughed. "I was masturbating, and—"

"Can we focus on me for a minute?" She asked. "I love hearing about you and my brother—two people who obviously deserve each other but are too chicken shit to say a fucking word—"

"Hey!" I bumped my shoulder to her. "He only thinks of me as a friend—wait—you think we deserve each other?"

She groaned and walked ahead of me.

"Rose!" I felt bad and sprinted up to her. "Sorry. Is there something going on with you? Did you need to talk?"

She looked around and then pulled me in close. "I'm thinking about not taking my birth control anymore."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because if I get knocked up, Emmett might pop the question."

I gasped. "El Diablo!"

"What?" Rose laughed.

"It means "the devil". That's evil." I covered Jax's one ear and hugged him to me so he wouldn't hear the plot.

"Look, I want to be fucking married. I know it's going to happen, and then kids will follow. But how bad would it be if I just..."

"Bad." I nodded. "If he ever found out you did it to trap him...Rose, it's only been two months."

She nodded. "I know. I just—"

"I know." I whispered. "You want to get married, start a family...I want that too. I doubt I'll be doing so before my thirtieth birthday."

"Meet Mike. He's a nice guy." Rose put her arm around us.

I shook my head. "I—I really like Edward." I whispered his name. "He's all I think about...What should I do?"

"Come clean. Tell Edward how you feel or fuck...just strip and jump at him. That'll work." She laughed. "Then you can get pregnant, and in September...you'll just be finding out. Thus, you will get married before you turn thirty. How about it? We can make a pregnancy pact."

I grimaced, even if her idea was genius. "Yo quiero, Taco Bell."

She sucked her teeth. "Food. That's all you think about." She lit a cigarette. "I guess us Cullens think a like. Me with a baby and Edward with a puppy..."

I pulled the cigarette from her mouth.

"I have a whole pack..."

I pulled the next one from her mouth. "Just eat something. Fuck!" I shouted and walked a head of her.

Later on I found myself doing exactly what I did the night before. After Edward, Jax, and I ate we all went for a long walk. It was nice. The crack heads were out. The warm, summer night's breeze made the air stink. But over all it was nice. I didn't complain. When we came home, I disappeared into my bedroom while I heard Edward watching television.

I wanted to watch with him and hopefully fall asleep in his bed, but I didn't. I chickened out just like Rose said. I was chicken shit, but the way she said it made me wonder if he liked me too.

No.

We're in the friend zone.

Blech.

"Wanna go see what Edward is doing?" Jax was sleeping, but all I had to do was lightly poke near his nut-sack and he woke right up. "You can't sleep, either?" I gathered him in my arms and slowly walked out of my room.

The television was still on and Edward was asleep. This time I didn't bother to watch him. I just walked right up to his bed and snuck in. The same thing happened as the night before. Jax ran under the covers and quickly disappeared, and I relished in the warmth of Edward's bed.

He let out a moan when his arm came to rest on me. "Bella..." His hand held my hip and I leaned back into him.

"Hey," I whispered and looked back to him. He was still sleeping.

"Bella..."

"What's up?" I asked, and then let out a quiet gasp when he held me to him tightly and I felt his erection. "Go for it," I breathed. "Just do it." I closed my eyes tightly.

"Huh?" He opened his eyes wide and jumped away from me.

I jumped back too.

"What are you—you can't just sneak in bed with me—what the..."

I bit my lip and nodded my head yes. "Sorry." I slowly slid my leg off his bed, and soon I was standing. "Jax really likes your bed." I quietly walked back into my bedroom.

"Where are you going?" He held his head.

"Bed."

He nodded.

I blew out a breath and entered my room. Then I threw myself down on my bed and wanted to die. It was wrong for me to sneak in bed with him. That I knew. I just didn't think it would be a big deal. Was he embarrassed because he had a hard-on? Big deal. I know that like every guy wakes up with morning wood.

Damn. It was so hard...

"Bella?" Edward asked from my doorway.

I was facedown, playing dead. He's Edward, not Jake, so I didn't have to worry about him possibly fucking me. That's when I hopped up. I wanted him to—to...

I suck.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Jax misses his mommy." Edward nuzzled Jax close to him. "Did you know they grow to be like sixty pounds?" He shook his head.

"We should hold him as much as we can now." I reached for him and Edward closed the distance to hand him over. "Sorry for sneaking into your bed. It's just comfortable...and..."

"You don't do closeness," he stared down at me. "It's new for you and you're curious. I get it."

"Um...sure." That sounded decent, even if it was total bullshit.

"Goodnight, Bella." Edward palmed my cheek and then turned to leave.

I stared down at Jax and he rolled over so I could get his belly. "Goodnight." I whispered.

An hour later, I nudged Edward with my toe.

"I had a bad dream." I lied, like a five year old.

"Whatever..." he grumbled a bunch of shit.

"Can I sleep with you?"

He moved over, and I was quick to get in. I had a smile so wide as I got comfortable again.

"Go to sleep." He breathed in my hair and held me close again.

"A huh." I yawned hugging his forearms to me.

Cuddling with a boy and a puppy are the best things in this world.

**/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/**

"So what do you think?" Edward widened his arms.

I smiled and turned with Jax in my arms. This really was a great apartment. It was clean, spacious, and four blocks from where we live now. They accept pets too, which was a plus. "I like it."

"Me too." Edward nodded. "I think I might make the offer." He walked closer and brought his voice down to a whisper. "They talk all this shit about credit checks and what not...but if we just write a check...I think it'll work."

"Do it." I said.

"You're sure about this?" He looked sad, suddenly.

I frowned too. "If you're not, then..."

"I am." He said.

"Me too."

"Good." He said.

"Great."

"It'll be awesome." He nodded.

"Excellent even."

"Why can't you let me have the last word?" he asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know."

"Yeah, sure..." He rolled his eyes.

"No, really."

"Bella, just stop." He laughed and walked away.

"Stop what?" I followed after him with Jax in my arms and he never replied.

The realtor accepted Edward's offer but said she'd get back to us. Apparently there were quite a few applicants. I think she was bullshitting us. You never know, though, and so we parted ways while Edward and I said we'd keep looking.

We can play hardball too.

Then we went out to lunch. We ate at the bistro since Edward gets 25% off. We even ate outside so Jax could chill out with us.

I was beginning to like this "we" business.

"What are you getting?" I asked.

"Does he have to be at the table? Tie his leash to your chair." Edward said and hid back behind his menu.

I gave Jax a kiss but could agree that he didn't belong on the table. Then when I went to place him down and tie him to my chair, I saw Chelsea crossing the street. As I tied up Jax, I hoped she didn't see us and tried to hide.

Of course she saw us and walked right over.

_I hate nosy, skinny bitches. _

"I knew it was you." She poked Edward, and I wanted to tell her to keep her mitts to herself.

Mitts.

I chuckled to myself. Who says/thinks mitts?

_That's another word for hands, for our friends abroad who may not know...It's actually a word for gloves. Oh hell, you guys get it..._

"It's me." Edward smiled. "We just came from seeing this place."

"Oh?" Chelsea looked back to me. "Oh hello."

"Did you see the dog Edward bought me?" I smiled and pointed down to Jax.

"He's _our_ dog. Not just hers." He looked to Chelsea. "Some woman was giving them away."

I slumped my shoulders. I knew what was coming next and decided not to avoid it. "Did you want to join us?" I asked.

"No!" Edward said. "I mean—yeah, fuck it."

Chelsea frowned as she stared at Edward.

"Um..." I didn't know what to say. Edward was content to study his menu like Chelsea wasn't standing and waiting for him to say more. At first I wanted to make her jealous, but now I just felt bad. "Did you want to?"

She turned to smile at me. "I have to get back to the office. I'll call you later?" She rubbed Edward's shoulder.

He nodded, still studying the menu that he already knows.

When Chelsea walked away I stared after her, and then I looked to Edward. "What was that about?"

He shook his head. "She's just—I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay..." I nodded.

"It's just that she's—she's...she's dragging me to this thing tomorrow. We fought...cause I really don't want to go. We're friends...that's why I agreed anyway. It's the same if you needed an escort somewhere..."

"Bed." I blurted.

"What?"

"Nothing." I smiled. "Have you seen that new show on Showtime called Gigolos?"

He furrowed his brows. "No."

"It's epic. It's a reality show about these male escorts in Las Vegas. You'd make a fortune. We can get you some Viagra, and I can be your manager." I laughed. "Do you have any idea..."

"That's sick."

"It's really not." I disagreed. "Take tomorrow night for example. You don't want to go, but you will. Then you'll get drunk and probably sleep with her anyway." I frowned at the thought. "However, you're doing it for free. Now if you got paid for it..." I weighed my hands.

"I'd be a prostitute, not an escort."

I shook my head. "Same difference. But by getting paid you'd have more incentive, like a goal or something to look forward to. Now all you're getting are a few watered down cocktails and a dead lay...if you were getting paid..." I elongated the word. "You'd get some money too."

He laughed. "I get it...and..._All_ I'll be getting is watered down cocktails."

I grinned. "Okay." I looked down to my menu.

**Thank you for reading. Please leave me your thoughts. **

**Don't these two drive you crazy? LOL. FLOVE them, and their little dog too.**


	8. Say What?

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Special guest beta HollettLA**

**Sorry. I've been so busy and now I'm trying to play catch up. **

**Thank you to everyone that continues to read and review. **

**Special thank you to Sandy over at the "Southern Fanfiction Review" blog. She reviewed OtB, and SFFR is just an awesome blog for fics. Every Tuesday there's a segment called "Tantalizing Tuesdays" where you can find naughty little stories by your favorite authors. They are outtakes and one-shots. Go over and give Sandy a shout! www[dot]southernfanfictionreview[dot]com**

**Please enjoy!**

"**Outside the Box" chapter 8: Say what?**

"These are good," Edward mumbled with a mouthful.

He did have a mouthful of...my tits.

_Just kidding. I bet you all got excited just now._

Edward is eating buffalo chicken wings...with a knife and fork. Yeah, I thought that was kind of weird too. But get this; he doesn't want to get the spices in his eyes? Because of his contacts? I don't get it either and until right now I had no idea the man wore contacts.

If he wears contacts, that means there are glasses somewhere. Where would he hide his glasses? He hides all his toiletries in a shower caddy which also has his contacts crappy-crap in it. I know now because I looked. I was looking for the glasses.

"Hey...what the fuck!" He shouted and threw the chicken wing back on the table.

"Sorry." I smiled. "It slipped." I totally threw it in hopes it got him in the eye.

"Across the table?" He shook his head and went back to eating.

I've turned into quite the attention whore. "Aren't these good..." I moaned a little which totally grabbed his attention. "All spicy..." I licked down the wing. "Tangy...and so good." I inserted the drumstick part of the wing all the way in my mouth, just to slowly—whilst sucking—take it back out again. "Good, right?"

"You—you have—" He reached across the table to wipe something away from the corner of my mouth. "Bleu cheese." Before he could take his hand back I sucked back his thumb and twirled my tongue around it. "Uhhh..."

"I love bleu cheese." I winked.

The look I gave him, which started out as a game, turned into something else entirely. We stared at each other and something shifted. The butterflies in my belly started their garbage, and Edward's dumbstruck expression changed to serious and his eyes were suddenly smoldering. I still had yet to let go of his hand, and it took all the willpower in the world not to place it on my tit.

That's not too subtle, right? Chicken wings and cock. It's what's for dinner.

Then everything went back to normal when he took his hand back.

I slumped my shoulders and wasn't hungry anymore. Rose thinks he's into me, but then how come every time I flirt, I'm shut down? Maybe she doesn't know what she's talking about.

"Have you started packing yet?" Edward asked. "We have to be careful. We don't want to bring cockroaches into the new place."

I bit my lip and didn't say anything. I haven't started packing yet.

"Don't wait til the last minute and then everything's a mess..."

"Shut up," I said. "I'll start tonight. It won't be too hard."

It was the truth. Besides my bedroom, there's not much to this place. His friend—that guy with the ponytail who's scared of vibrators—is coming over with his truck. Edward took the money his father gave him, combined with the few hundred I had saved, and gave it to the landlord of the new place. We had first month and a half's rent, plus security paid. We don't have to worry about rent until August. And since we paid that extra half, we don't have to wait until July. We can move in whenever we're ready.

The owner of this dump didn't give a fuck especially since, "according to Edward", I was an idiot for keeping a month-to-month lease. Whatever. I'd rather have something like that because it's not permanent; meanwhile, I didn't bat an eyelash when Edward and I signed a two-year lease for this new spot.

He was looking out for us. This way the landlord can't raise the rent. He's so smart or just thinks he is.

Edward has geek-like qualities, wears nerdy clothes and glasses, along with all those sexy mofo tendencies. That's something I'll never understand. He walks around looking so cool in regular clothes but when he turns back into "Mr. Cullen, English teacher extraordinaire", he geeks it up a few hundred notches.

Loafers, sweater-vests, and glasses...Oh my!

I clamped my thighs closed.

_I can't wait to sink my teeth into him. It will be epic. Trust me, you'll wanna read that shit._

_If I ever get the chance...le sigh..._

"He can only do it Wednesday. So we should try to move it all then...damn...these are good."

"Pussies say what?" I mumbled.

"What?" He chuckled and looked confused.

"FUCK ME, EDWARD!" I shouted and stood up. "They say, 'fuck me'!" My chest heaved as I was seconds away from jumping at that dense asshole. If I jumped at him I'd definitely get a response—a yes or no kind of thing. "Forget it," I grumbled and stomped into my bedroom. "JAX!" I shouted and waited for my baby-boo to catch up.

Jax ran in and jumped up onto the bed, while I stood behind the closed door. My mind was reeling. I needed to know. Since I can't seem to speak in comprehensible English when it comes to all things me and Edward, I decided to jump at him. Rosalie told me to. I can blame it on her.

I stripped down to my birthday suit as fast as I could. "Jax!" I whispered to get his attention. "How do I look?"

He looked at me for the briefest of seconds, but his balls were more important.

I sighed. He better get all that licking done now. Tomorrow we have an appointment to have him fixed. Those babies are coming off.

Then again, he's a man. He'll probably still lick his junk anyway.

I grabbed my robe, tied it, and then stood in front of my bedroom door again while I tried to muster the guts to go on out there.

"This is it." I turned back to Jax. "Wish me luck." I placed my hand on the knob and opened the door. Then I quietly entered the living room, where Edward was busy cleaning up the dinner plates.

"Hey..." I whispered.

"Now? ...Okay, sure..." He was on the phone too. "I'll see if Bella wants to come. Who? Who's Mike?...Oh...okay...okay, bye." He ended the call. "Mike-cock." He chuckled.

I did too. "Hey," I said again.

"Hey." He barely looked at me. "That was Rosalie. She's having drinks with Emmett downtown...is that all she does?" He stood straight to look at me.

I shrugged. "I don't know."

"Going to sleep? It's early. Rose says some Mike guy is dying to meet you." He rolled his eyes. "Don't you have a blind date thing with him tomorrow night?"

I did but I only agreed to 1) Make Edward jealous and 2) Get Rose off my ass.

"I'd rather stay in...How about you?" I walked further into the room.

"I said I'd go...what else is there to do?"

_Me. Me. Me. _

"Oh..." I sat on the arm of the sofa. "I wanted to—"

His phone rang again and he picked it up. "...wondering when you'd call. You want to meet for drinks?"

I frowned, guessing it was Chelsea.

"...see you there." He put his phone in his pocket and looked to me again.

"Don't stay out too late," I said. "We have to bring Jax in at eight."

He nodded. "I won't. Are you sure you don't want to go out?"

I stood up. "No...I wanted to show you something." I gulped and gripped my robe's knot.

He knitted his brows together. "Everything okay?"

I knew my face my beet red and my chest was heaving, so I just did it. I dropped my fucking robe onto the floor; meanwhile, I couldn't move a muscle. My feet were planted where I stood and I couldn't go through with the second part of my plan—the lunge and latch.

"What...Uh..." He blushed while he stared at me and then looked away. "What...Christ...Bella..." He pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Do you think I'm gaining weight?" I asked, and then turned to the side. "Rose thinks I am..."

"Bella, put your robe back on." He wouldn't face me.

I bit my lip. "Can you look at me?"

He swallowed again and turned to look me in the eyes.

"Down here." I cupped my own breasts.

"You look fine..." He backed away and looked around. "Where are my...oh..." He grabbed his keys and ran out of the apartment. Literally. That motherfucker ran out as fast as he could.

…**.Edward...**

"She stripped naked...in front of you, and...you left?" James frowned at me.

I nodded while images of her naked body came flooding back to me. Her full breasts, the curve of her hips, her bare pussy—every fucking thing. I saw it all.

"You didn't..." He shook his head. "You fucking left?" he shouted.

"What was I supposed to do?" I asked.

"Fuck her!" He slammed his fist down. We were in a crowded bar so he didn't gain too much attention. "What the hell is wrong with you? First that shit with the dildo and now this? Edward, are you fucking blind? Do you like cock now? I'm totally cool with whichever...my God...you left!"

"Get over it...I left...and no, I don't like cock," I grumbled. "She wanted to know if she was gaining weight. She's very open with her body, very sexual and stuff...She wanted my opinion. She didn't want me to fuck her. We're like brother and sister—"

"You dry hump Rosalie while she's sleeping? You. Sick. Fuck!" He slammed his fist down on the table to emphasize each word.

"No!" I shouted and eyed Rose. Thank God she didn't hear that. "That was a fluke...Don't bring that shit up again." I saw Victoria coming toward us. "Vic's coming back."

He nodded and sipped his beer. When she approached our table, she smiled at me. "So how'd that puppy work out?"

I smiled. "It's genius...She melts. Now all I have to figure out is how I can have that same effect."

"She flashed Edward—stripped naked in front of him, and he ran out of the apartment," James said.

"What?" Victoria shrieked. "Why'd you run away?"

I cradled my head in my hands, while I heard James re-tell the story. Then I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket. It was a text from Chelsea.

"_I think we need to talk some more—Chels" _

I rolled my eyes at the phone and put it back in my pocket. When Memorial Day weekend was over, I hoped to never see Chelsea again. Sure we hung out at the barbeque, but that night we went out I didn't plan on it going as far as it did.

When we left the carnival, I was honestly just going to take her home, and then go back to the house by myself. I didn't want to be there to watch Marcus drool all over Bella.

Instead, Chelsea had an idea of her own. It coincided with the plan James had, and I played along. But I explained to Chelsea that I was not looking for a relationship. I put it all out there, told her I wasn't interested, so I wouldn't be painted a jerk. She laid it on thick. She was horny. She didn't want a relationship either, just sex.

So I went along with it. I came insanely fast, too. The sex was really boring, and over in two...maybe three minutes. I've had more fun jacking it in the shower on previous occasions than I did that night.

Regardless of commitments and annoyances, we were not sexually compatible.

And sometimes pussy is just pussy with no face. It still felt decent, even if it was attached to Chelsea.

And I slept over at her parents' beach house anyway, so it looked like I had a good time.

I don't know what I ever expected by trying to make Bella jealous. I mean, what the fuck was she supposed to do? Attack Chelsea? Attack me and demand I be with her? I have no idea, but imagine my surprise when she's suddenly kicking Tanya's ass.

Now that shit was priceless.

I heard from Rose that Tanya pushed Bella for saying... something and Bella just went for it.

And after...

When she approached me, it took everything inside of me to hold back what I wanted to say. In that moment, I not only wanted to tell Bella that I liked her and wanted to be with her, I wanted to tell her that I loved her.

It's not that waning love either, like, _"Oh, I love you. Thanks for fucking up my ex-wife"_. No. I realized that I was head-over-heels in love with her.

So how was I supposed to act around her after that?

I got drunk.

With Chelsea...

And before Marcus left my parents' house, I walked him outside and punched him in the nose. He thought I was drunk and acting stupid, but it was for getting handsy with Bella. She kissed him. I saw that but she also pushed him away, and he didn't listen. I peeped her knee him in the balls. That was nice.

Which brings me back to Kate. When I saw that—that _thing_ touch Bella, I fucking lost it.

Anyway—

_See? I can't think straight and get my shit out. My lovesick, confused brain is all over the fucking place._

Anyway, Chelsea asked me out for coffee a few nights after we were all back in the city. She asked me to go with her to some party. I said yes, and then that lead to another coffee drinking session beforehand.

She wanted to discuss what we were wearing. She wanted us to match or something. I told her I was renting a tuxedo, and that was it. She insisted on going with me, and I agreed. I really didn't give a fuck. After we rented me a tuxedo, she wanted to go out for dinner; I declined.

Between coffee and tuxedo shopping, I had enough of her. We went our separate ways, and while I was waiting for the train I heard two women talking next to me. One was bitching to the other about how she's getting a divorce and it's almost worth staying with the dude just so she can be with his dog. It was his dog, so it wasn't like she could keep him. Then the other ran her mouth, talking about how she's lucky she didn't have kids with the asshole and blah, blah, blah.

What was important about all of that is what I took from it. Before Jax, Bella and I shared nothing. Now that we have Jax, we do. We have something to bond over, and I honestly wanted to buy her something.

I bought Jax.

That cute little puppy was on sale, too.

It worked out.

And it worked out even better when he liked sleeping in my bed.

Bella doesn't want to be separated from the puppy, and so we all sleep crammed on the sleeper sofa. Half the night, anyway. Bella has been trying to get Jax to sleep in her bed, but he becomes restless and wants out of her room after a while.

That puppy is a fucking Godsend. He's on my side, too.

Chelsea and I went to that dinner party which was okay. We didn't have sex which was better, and then we met for coffee yet again last night. Where I asked her to please stop blowing up my phone. She sends me text messages at all times of the day; be it in the morning, afternoon, and even in the middle of the night.

It started to scare me, but I not only asked her to stop texting me, I asked her to...maybe lose my number? Yeah, I was a dick. But I honestly didn't know what else to do. I'm not interested, and she knows that. How else was I supposed to get it through her thick head?

I told her I wasn't interested.

I'm not a bad person.

I'm also not as confused as one may think.

I know what I want, and I'm tired of tip-toeing around the subject.

That whole vibrator incident with Bella...fuck...I've been masturbating to that for almost two weeks now. Only in my head she's licking my cock, and now...now she flashes me because she wants my opinion?

Rose says she thinks Bella's into me. I don't think so. She has a date tomorrow night with some lawyer. I peeped him tonight and he's generic. Bella will chew him up and spit him out. I have no doubt in my mind that Bella will be too much for him.

By nature alone, she is flirty and very open with everything sexual. It's mostly all a joke too. We've shared looks, touches, and flirty banter, but I don't know when to take her seriously.

I never take her seriously and tonight proved that.

I'm obviously nothing more than her friend.

But does she think I'm gay?

Who does that?

"Who does that?" I asked aloud.

"She's into you," Victoria said. "She probably wanted your attention. Are you this...this fucking oblivious around her? Do you flirt at least?"

I shrugged and didn't even want to be here anymore.

"Who gives a fuck?" James asked and leaned into me. "Fuck her...hit on her and lay it on thick. I'm talking...touching...getting close and putting yourself out there—"

"Or you can just talk to her," Victoria told James.

"That too," he replied. "Either way...I'm so sick of hearing about her."

"Hey!" I said. "I listen to the both of you—"

"He's right, and we should be supportive," Victoria said.

I sighed and stood up. "I have an early day tomorrow."

"Do something. For the love of God and all that is motherfucking holy...do something," James said.

I rolled my eyes, bent low to give Vic a kiss on the cheek, and then practically ran out of the bar. I didn't even bother to say goodbye to my sister. She was with that Mike guy and Emmett, and I wanted to leave.

Bella was still awake when I got home. She was busy packing up the kitchen. I offered to help her but she waved me away and said she'd take care of it. She didn't even look at me.

All of my crap is packed. I have stuff in storage, and the only things I have here are my clothes and a few random things. I watched television for a while, and after Bella packed away most of the kitchen, I heard her moving things around in her bedroom. When it got to be one A.M., I knocked on her bedroom door.

"Hey." I let myself in.

She was throwing books into a box. "You knock, and then wait for me to say 'come in' _before_ you enter."

"Sorry about that," I said and stared. She looked sad, wearing a pair of my boxers and an oversized t-shirt. Her hair was in a messy bun on the top of her head and her feet were bare. "You should go to bed. It's getting late."

She rubbed at her forehead and looked to Jax. "You think he'll be okay tomorrow? Maybe we should wait until he's a little older."

"I think he'll be fine." I chuckled. "You're just a concerned momma."

She giggle-snorted. "A momma?" She looked to Jax. "You're right...that's probably the closest I'll come to..." She shook her head. "I'm tired. This is frustrating, and...Yeah, I need sleep." She kicked the box.

"Um...Space Balls is on Comedy Central. Did you want to watch before..." I hoped she'd fall asleep with me.

"I'm sorry about earlier," she whispered. "I didn't—I didn't mean to disgust you."

I felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach. Disgust me? How could she possibly think that? She looked amazing, sexy, and better than any fantasy I could think of. I have seen her naked before, but that time I was a little preoccupied—not like I didn't remember anyway. I plan to jack it to Bella's little show for weeks to come.

"Can you close the door on your way out?" she asked.

I shook my head. "Um...yeah...sure." I backed out of her room and closed the door.

That night Jax and I slept alone.

I also heard Bella moving around all night. She must have packed up her whole room, and when I woke up, I checked on her. She was sound asleep, so I let her sleep and brought Jax to his procedure appointment.

All we were doing was dropping off Jax and a credit card number. They were to do the procedure, call us when they were finished, and keep him overnight.

I didn't think it would be a big deal.

Until...

"Why didn't you wake me?" Bella screamed as she cried. "He's—he's my baby. Don't you understand?"

I reached out to place my arm around her. I honestly didn't think she'd be upset.

"He's all I have—"

"He is not..." I hugged her tight. "You have me."

She sobbed harder.

"Sorry," I whispered into her hair. "Let's go get some food and then we'll go back to the vet's office. We'll see him when he wakes up."

I felt Bella shake her head no. "The nurse said we couldn't. He'll get too excited and it will mess with his recovery." She hiccupped. "It's just...what am I going to do until tomorrow? God forbid...mistakes happen all the time."

"Shh...I'm sure he's fine." I rubbed her back, and tried to ignore how great she smelled. Her hair was a mess but still smelled like her strawberry shampoo. I swallowed and leaned away from her to palm her face. "He'll be fine." I kissed her forehead. "Okay?" I licked my lips as I stared at hers.

"...okay," she breathed.

I grinned and pushed her hair behind her ear. "He'll—" I kissed her forehead again, thinking myself a genius. I'll use any excuse to place my lips on her body. "-be okay."

"I—I'll miss him."

I nodded and leaned into her. "Me too." My breath hitched as I leaned into kiss her nose this time. My nose touched hers while my stomach tied in knots. "Bella?"

"Hmmm?" She closed her eyes.

I barely brushed my lips against hers and leaned away. I didn't want to but I didn't want to take advantage of how upset she was. I also didn't want to cause any more problems between us.

Fuck. We signed a two-year lease. I can't do this for two years.

I was brought back to the present when Bella pushed me. She pushed me away from her and stormed into her bedroom.

"I'm sorry!" I shouted after her and collapsed down on the couch. Then I stormed toward Bella's bedroom. "I'm sorry about that," I shouted through the door.

"You're sorry?" She shouted back. "Why, Edward? Why are you sorry?"

"For—for kissing you—everything. I'm sorry—" I jumped back when something hit the opposite side of the door.

Then I left the apartment. All of this was beginning to be too much, so I walked around with nothing but my thoughts.

Then I went to see some horrible indie movie.

Then I actually bumped into James and Victoria at a flea market. I didn't even bother to tell them what happened and kept it short.

Then I went to the vet's office anyway. Jax was just fine and he wore one of those cone things around his neck. He was sleeping when I saw him, still out of it from the anesthesia. By that time the office was closing. I left to pick Bella and myself up some food.

I got her favorite, Kentucky Fried Chicken.

What I did most of the day—amidst all the crappy activities—was feel sorry for myself. I wished I did kiss her, that I kissed her real good. If she was going to be pissed about it anyway, I might as well have gone for the gusto, right?

When I finally reached our apartment, I saw that Mike guy approaching it as well. Fuck. She has her date thing with him tonight.

"Mike, right?" I asked.

"Hey..." He shook my hand. "I'm here to pick up Bella."

I winced. "Sorry."

"Sorry?" he asked.

I tried to look upset. "You were late, so she went for drinks with a few of her co-workers."

"No." He shook his head. "It's seven-thirty. We were to have a late dinner."

I snapped my fingers. "Fuck...man...She was really looking forward to it, too. She thought you were supposed to be here by six."

"I can't believe this." He pulled his hair.

I shrugged. "Maybe next time." I patted his back.

"She has my number...just tell her to give me a call if she wants to do this again." He looked down.

I nodded. "Sure thing." I grinned and let myself into the building.

The apartment wasn't quiet at all. It was full of life. All the lights were on, boxes littered the floors, and loud music was coming from Bella's room. Only when I saw a glimpse of her running into the bathroom did I feel bad about what I just did. She was smiling and looked amazing. She was wearing a simple, sleeveless black dress. Her hair was down, and she was running on her toes. I'll never know why she does that. She's always running on her toes.

"Hey," she said when she saw me. She was on her way back into her room.

"Hi." I sat down on the couch. "Where are you going...looking all...gorgeous?" I smiled.

She frowned and looked down to her feet. "That date...You never know...he might be the one, right?" For some reason she looked close to tears.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

She smacked her forehead. "I bet he's here already." She ran back into her room. Then she poked her head back out. "Let him in...then I'll make an entrance."

I chuckled. "You don't need all that, but okay." I turned on the TV while I was really watching her comb through her hair with her fingers. I wished they were my fingers. Her hair is so soft and always smells so good...

I snapped myself out of it and watched an entire episode of "American Dad". Then I was surprised that it took her that long—approximately thirty minutes—to come back into the living room.

"He's late," she whispered, and fuck me... she looked even better than before. "Maybe I should call him?"

"What?" I shouted. "Don't you dare—don't give him the satisfaction. If he's—"

Her phone rang. "It's Rosalie," she said.

I lunged at Bella to grab her phone. "Rose, remember what I..." I started.

"Give me my phone..." Bella grabbed for it. I was quick to run and then lock myself in the bathroom.

"What?" I whispered and turned the faucet on.

"What? What the fuck? You told Mike—"

"Fuck you, okay? What if he's the one for her? That would mean she's not the one for me..." I had no idea what I was saying. "You tell Bella something came up... Lie."

She made a hissing noise. "When are you going to grow the fuck up?" She hung up on me.

I shut the faucet and left the bathroom. Bella was standing right outside the door. "What'd she say?"

I shrugged. "He couldn't make it."

Bella nodded and turned away from me.

I placed my hand on her shoulder. "Hey, we can go out, like a date... if you want?"

She turned around and had tears streaming down her cheeks. "If _I _want?" She pointed to herself. "IF _I_ WANT?"

I shrugged again. "Well...Yeah...You look great and I—"

Her lip quivered. "What do _YOU_ want?" she shouted and dug her pointy little finger into my chest. "I'm so sick of... of everything!" She ran back into her bedroom to slam the door shut.

I blew out a few calming breaths and then lightly knocked on her door. "I want you," I whispered.

**You think she heard him?**

**Thank you **

**for **

**reading**

**We're getting there. I promise you. Rome wasn't built in a day. **

**And these two are ridiculous. **

**Please leave me your thoughts and death threats **

**No Fic recs, really. I haven't had the time. But I do hope to read this:**

**"In Transit" by Profmom72 www[dot]fanfiction[dot]net/s/6531498/1/In_Transit**

**I think I will do so tonight or tomorrow. It looks amazing, and I never rec w/o reading first, but I just can't wait to read this. It's a novella and complete at 7 chapters. **

**Summary: Riding the same bus every day, Edward and Bella get off to a bumpy start. She thinks he's stuck-up; he thinks she's shallow. Sometimes what seems like the wrong thing turns out to be exactly what you were waiting for. A FGB novella for mujisan.**


	9. Big Me

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Chapter was inspired by the Foo Fighters' song "Big Me". I hope you all enjoy. **

"**Outside the Box" chapter 9: Big Me**

Edward mumbled, yet whispered something against my door. It sounded like he said he wanted food?

_What the fuck?_

I snorted, and then stared at my door. Then I shook my fist at the door while I groaned and pulled at my hair with my free hand. I did some jumping too.

_I get very animated when I'm angry. _

When I asked him what he wanted, I meant it in reference to us. "So, go eat something then, ass munch!" I pulled myself away from the door and called Rosalie.

That bitch was not supportive of me in the slightest. She protested, tried to bribe me, and even pleaded with me not to go through with it. So, I did what any girl who needs moral support would do.

The next morning, after I picked up Jax, I asked Leah to come hold my hand. I did lie to her. I told her I wanted to go for a jog, knowing that she jogs on Saturday mornings. Then when we met up, I told her the truth.

Most women fool around with hair dye in their teens—feel the need for change—and go for it. But I have always been a brunette. I've never even had highlights before.

I know this might be shocking.

It's a big step. It's a scary step, even.

My mother used to have hair that trailed all the way down to her ass. It was a little longer than mine is now. One day she put it in a ponytail, and then just cut that shit off. She was looking for change. She didn't think of the ramifications beforehand. _Oh, no!_ She just chopped it all off and let out a horrified wail after.

She has since grown used to having shoulder-length hair and has styled her hair that way since.

_Could I get used to being a blonde?_

I mean, isn't the saying _"Blondes have more fun"?_

I want to have fun—and get Edward's attention—but that's beside the point.

No. It's not.

That is the point.

"You're really doing this for a guy?" Leah frowned at me. "EMBRY! GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE!"

I cringed away from her as she screamed at her kid. Then I looked down to Jax. He still has that cone on his head, yet that is not stopping him from trying to lick his junk. "Stop!" I scolded. "We're in public. You're embarrassing me," I said down to him.

"You think that's embarrassing? Wait until you have kids," she laughed. "You were saying?"

I blew out a breath and continued to eat my ice cream. "I'm so far away from that—" I waved my arm at her kid and never finished my statement.

Our Saturday morning jog turned into ice cream at Central Park. "He's playing in the Village tonight—some open mic night. And I thought I'd get the new hair, a new outfit, and hit on him?" I shrugged. "It sounds good up here." I pointed to my head. "But then…I don't know. What if he goes for it? We kiss—maybe do more, and then 'surprise, it's me'? I don't know if it will work. What do you think?"

She shook her head. "Clubs are dark, but not that dark. How do you plan to disguise your face?" Leah asked.

"Sunglasses." I nodded.

"In a dark club?" she laughed.

"Or...or...or—" I got excited and jumped around some. "I can go to where he works. I can sit in the restaurant and hit on him. I can ask him out?"

She nodded. "You'd have an excuse for the sunglasses. When is your hair appointment?"

"Um..." I looked down to my phone. "At eleven, so we should head to the salon now."

"How about a wig?" she asked.

I stopped walking. "Huh?"

"A wig? They have wig stores. We can go check them out. We'll find the least cheesy wig—a nice, real-looking one. You're about to spend over $100 to drastically change your hair, just so you can dye it back on Monday. I know you. This plan won't work, but you'll still do it and lose the money anyway. Buy a wig instead. Save yourself the trouble."

I listened, soaked in her words, and decided she was a fucking genius. "Why didn't Rose think of that?" I asked.

She laughed at me. "Probably because…changing yourself is just stupid. But this way…you won't damage your hair." She pulled on my ponytail.

"He only dates blondes. He went out with Chelsea again—at least, I believe he did—the other night. He took her to some bar, and that was after I flashed him…That's five times since we came back from Long Island." I held up my hand and spread my fingers.

She put my hand down. "We're not at school...calm down now."

I huffed out a breath. "Ever since I found out I like him, I'm—I'm obsessed!" I threw my hands up. "I never liked a guy like this before, ever. In all my years on this planet. And that's a long fucking time." I faced her.

"You're twenty-nine."

"I'm old, and I want to rub my girlie parts on his face," I laughed.

"What does he look like?" she asked.

I squealed. "Wanna see? He's probably up now watching cartoons."

Leah nodded. "Yeah...I do...EMBRY! LET'S GO!"

"Damn..." I took another bite of my ice cream and threw it in the trash. "We should stop for coffee first. He likes coffee," I said. Then I looked down to Jax. "Ready to introduce Leah to your fuck-hot poppa?" I got excited when Jax wagged his tail.

My pooch-a-lot-a-pooch knows the deal.

Leah grabbed my shoulders and turned me to face her. "Are you sure you still want to live with this guy?"

I nodded.

"No…I mean…you can't go on like this. You guys are set to move into the new place this week… I just don't want to see you get hurt. What if he's serious with this Chelsea? And you're going to move in, all hopeful…I just…Bella, are you sure about this? I mean—wigs, hair dye, and all the crap. Why not just talk to him?"

I looked down to my feet. "I tried."

"When? What happened?"

I turned and started walking again. "I chickened out. I couldn't do it… I flirt with him all the time. He flirts back, and then just leaves. Just like that—magic!" I snapped my fingers. "We get heavy into nasty talk and then—he just goes."

"That's weird. You sure he's not into you?"

I shook my head no. "I don't do subtle flirting. The night we met? He wouldn't even sleep with me and I was right there…legs spread, wanton, panting like a fucking dog…and then he screws Chelsea." I swallowed back some tears. "I hate this and I have to know…the wig and hair dye thing is stupid. I know that. But I figured if I flirted with him or spoke to him like a stranger, the way I do now, I'll know if it's just me or…whatever." I slumped my shoulders.

She groaned and wrapped her arm around me. "I hate seeing you like this." She kissed my cheek. "He better be fucking hot or I'm kicking your ass."

That made me giggle, and then we walked to my apartment. Leah would not let me get him coffee, and said he can get his ass up and get it himself.

**EDWARD**

When I woke up, I knocked on Bella's bedroom door. I was disappointed that she wasn't here. It's odd for her not to be home this early. On Saturdays she usually sleeps until noon. Huh? But then I just figured she went to pick up Jax.

I sent her a text, asking about her whereabouts, and received no answer.

Before I called Rose and started to panic anyway, I decided to clean up to keep myself busy. I cleaned the kitchen, the bathroom, swept and mopped the living room, and then checked my cell phone again.

Bella didn't text me back, but I had a text from Chelsea.

"_I think we really need to talk. Please call me back—Chels" _

I rolled my eyes at the phone and threw it back down.

Last night, after Bella told me to go eat something, I called Rosalie. She was on the phone, but kept switching back and forth between me and some other person. I was desperate and in need of advice, so I waited patiently each time.

And each time I was put on hold, I would loiter outside Bella's bedroom. I hoped she'd open the door, but she was also speaking to someone.

Ironic.

Also, every time Rosalie went to the other call, my mind wandered. I came up with the solution to my problem.

I plan to tell Bella—Just do it, but not only do it, but do it in a big way.

Rosalie asked me not to. She pleaded and begged for me to just sit down and talk to her, but I disagreed. Bella needs to know that I'm serious. I can't take her out to fancy restaurants or buy her nice things, but I have a pretty decent voice and I can play the piano.

I begged Rosalie to make sure that Bella comes to the Side Walk Cafe tonight. I have to work beforehand. I had to ask my buddy Pete, who is also performing, to sign me up.

I also spoke to my manager and he said he'd let me leave at nine.

I plan to sing her a song, and then maybe just talk to her? She should be able to pick up my feelings from the song, but just in case she can't, I'm there to translate.

Then afterward, maybe we can walk off into the humid, smog-filled Manhattan air together?

Rose told me to write my own song. That Bella couldn't possibly get what I'm trying to say by my song choice—Don't Stop Believing by Journey—I don't write my own shit. I just like to play, and I don't do it in the hopes of becoming famous. I just can't afford my own piano, and Tanya threw my $1,000 Casio into a bathtub filled with water.

You know what? I don't even care.

Because if it weren't for Kate, I would never have noticed Bella the way I did.

I was just taking some Windex to the television when I heard the key in the door. My heartbeat sped up, and I tried to look casual. It doesn't get any more casual than cleaning in your boxers. So I kept at it.

"Um...Edward?"

I tried to rein in my smile when I turned to face her. "Oh..." I covered my crotch with the spray bottle, and yet smiled widely. Jax was with her and they weren't alone. "Come here, buddy." I bent down so Jax could run to me. Bella had a friend and a half with her, too. She had a woman and a little boy with her, actually. "How are you feeling, huh?" I petted Jax's head. He looked fine, very happy to be home.

"Edward?" Bella asked.

I smiled and looked up to her.

"Um…you might want to put the mouse back in the house." She pointed to where my cock was peeking out of my boxers.

"Jesus!" I hopped up. "I'm so…I'm sorry." I said to her friend and the kid. I was mortified, and yet they didn't look like they noticed.

"Leah...Embry…this is Edward." Bella grinned and stared at my crotch. "He puts on quite a good show."

I raised a brow and put out my hand. "It's nice to meet you…please excuse me." I shook her hand, and then ruffled the little guy's hair.

"Mommy?" He turned back to Leah. "I have to pee."

Leah laughed and then ushered him past us. She must have been here before.

"I should go change," I said.

Bella bit her lip and squinted her eyes. "You don't have to."

I sucked in a shaky breath. "But I should." I usually live for stares like those, but nowadays it's just confusing. Sometimes, I wonder what would have happened if we did have sex that night. Would that have been it? Is she just attracted to me and nothing else? "I was wondering where you were." I put my foot in my mouth again. When I ask things like that she accuses me of being her father.

She nodded. "All day yesterday, I wondered the same thing." She walked past me.

I caught her arm. "And? You should have called me. I sent you a text." I was confused...once again.

"You did?" She shrugged out of my hold; I retracted my hand back fast.

"Sorry," I mumbled.

"It was on silent," she said. "You went out with Chelsea the other night. How was that? I never had the chance to ask you." She stared up at me. "Did'ja give it to her good?" She punched the air with a wide smile.

"It wasn't like that," I whispered.

"So what was it like?" she asked. "Were you with her yesterday, too?"

I shook my head no.

"Bella?" Leah came back in. "Oh, sorry. Um…number one turned into number two, and you're out of toilet paper."

I pointed. "On the kitchen counter. I forgot. Sorry."

"Thanks." Leah disappeared again.

I looked back to Bella. "Rose said you're coming to the Cafe tonight? It would really mean a lot if you were there—don't feel pressured. It's no big deal—no, it is." I rubbed the back of my neck, feeling like an ass. "You've never seen me perform before."

"Yeah…we spoke early this morning…I might. I don't have a date or anything, but maybe that Mike will be there. She said your brother might come too." Bella frowned.

"Carlisle?" I asked. "He never comes to watch me perform." I became a nervous shit then. I bet somehow he knows what my plans are. I bet Rose told Mom and Mom told him. This suddenly wasn't a good idea. If I choke, I'll never hear the end of it. If Bella comes and I just sing another song, she'll be clueless as to what my plans were. If more know and I don't do it...well, it'll just suck.

"I don't know…that's what she said." Bella pulled on her tank top—it's really my white undershirt—and she wore a colorful sports bra under with sweat shorts.

"Were you working out or something?" I asked, taking in her attire…again. She looked sexy as hell.

She chuckled. "I want to lose a few, so Leah came for a walk with me. We just ended up getting ice cream," she continued to laugh, "I can never diet."

"Don't," I said. "You look amazing as is."

"Well...I can't work on being taller, but these—" She grabbed her thighs. "Can be a little smaller, along with this—" She patted her stomach.

I shook my head. "You're perfect." I touched her cheek. "Don't change anything."

She frowned. "Well, perfect hasn't gotten me very far...but thanks for being...nice?"

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing—LEAH!" She screamed. "WE GOTTA GO!"

"Why are you screaming?" I laughed.

"So she can hear me." She pursed her lips. "I'll be there tonight. But if it's weird 'cause I'm alone...I'm out."

I smirked at her. "And what if Mr. Right is at the club?"

"You think so?" she asked.

I nodded. "He might be...remember?"

She snorted. "Don't stop believing." She crossed her fingers. "I'll tell you, though...it's becoming increasingly difficult to keep hope alive."

I didn't know how to reply to that. I felt the same way. "Where are you headed now?" I asked.

She giggled and walked around me. I took that opportunity to grab some clothes and throw them on.

"Shopping. Maybe get a haircut. I don't know…if I'm not back…make sure you walk my Baby-boo before you go to work." She held Jax awkwardly while he wore his new accessory. Plus, he's grown quite a bit over the last few weeks. He's pretty big now, and Bella looks ridiculous when she holds him. "Love you, sweets!" She kissed his nose and put him down.

I nodded and pulled a shirt over my head. "Have fun."

She winked at me before she disappeared into the kitchen.

**BELLA**

"Damn...he's cute." Leah said, once we had left the building. "What was that 'mouse in the house' shit about?"

I smiled. "I told you he was cute, and I was just fucking with him," I lied. His shit was totally hanging out, looking perfect and as delicious as always. I swore it even spoke to me. It said, "Lick me". Nevertheless, I'm glad Leah didn't notice. That's _my_ peen…or so I hope.

"He seemed...into you. Are you sure he doesn't reciprocate?" she asked.

I shrugged. "We're good friends. We've gotten a lot closer since we went away. He doesn't shut me out anymore—he used to do that—and we don't insult each other anymore. We're great. He's great." I smiled.

"And he cleans...if you ever change your mind, send him my way—Oh!" she stopped walking to face me. "I forgot to tell you. Guess who asked me out?"

"Who?" I asked.

"Jacob—the guidance counselor. You were seeing him, right?"

I winced. "Yeah, but..." I didn't know what to say.

"If it bothers you, I won't go out with him. I actually forgot all about it until now. I don't even know if I want to go." She rambled.

"He's really nice—weird, but nice. Go for it, if you want. Don't _not_ go out with him because of me." I was not about to discuss Jake and sex with her, even if she's my friend. I think it's best she finds out for herself.

"I don't know...I'll see what's up." She made an uneasy face. "He's too nice sometimes, you know? I think that's a little creepy. Then again, the man is fine." She bit her lip. "And it has been too long since…you know."

"I know," I said, and then we walked down the subway stairs.

Shopping for a wig was an adventure. We went to three shops until we found one that was a decent price. The one I found was a beauty at $68. It was on sale because the hairstyle was last season. I didn't give a fuck. It was a long blonde wig with some short bangs. That's not an old style. It's more of a classic style, but trends change frequently, and I am not picky at all.

Next, I bought a pair of large faux Chanel sunglasses from a street vendor, along with a matching purse. Then we rapidly walked away. It's illegal to buy fake designer merchandise, and lately they're actually cracking down. They're arresting people—the poor who wish to be trendy— for that shit.

We stopped at Century 21—_designer fashions at discount prices_—for an outfit for me. I figured I'd wear what I buy to the restaurant, and then I'd wear it to the club tonight. Edward is a man and men don't notice things like clothes, right?

Leah didn't want me to risk it, so we went down a notch. I bought a mini skirt, a new pair of heels, and then we went to another store—Rainbow—so I could afford two blouses for tonight.

We did well. I bought a red sleeveless top with ruffles along the plunging neckline for my dinner at the restaurant, and a black halter top for me to wear tonight at the club.

Throughout our shopping adventure, I spoke to Leah in a southern accent. I aimed to sound like Reese Witherspoon, circa "Sweet Home Alabama", after she went back to Alabama. Leah reminded me that I can cover my face and hair, but what was I going to do about my voice?

By the end of our trip, she said I had it down, and her word was good enough for me.

All of that sounds simple, but it actually took us quite a while.

At around four, Leah and I went our separate ways. When I got home, it was close to five and the coast was clear. Edward had left for work already, so I rushed to get ready. I put A LOT of makeup on. I made my eyes look really dark with the liner, wore more eye shadow, and I actually wore red lipstick. It usually doesn't look right on me, but Leah said with the wig it would look perfect.

And it did.

Overall, I looked amazing— sexified even—with the sunglasses on.

_That's the short version of sex, personified. _

I nodded to myself and continued to stare in the mirror.

Without the sunglasses, I looked like Bella with blonde hair. I wasn't used to seeing myself that way, so it was weird.

Jax thought I was an imposter. He didn't give me any shit though, so I guess he won't morph into a great watchdog in years to come. Baby-boo winked at me. I swear he did, and I swayed my hips for him as I left.

As I locked the door after myself, I realized something. Jax is just like his daddy with the blonde shit.

Did we brunettes ever have a chance?

_/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/_

My reservation was for seven and deep down I know the subway would be fastest, but I decided to take a cab anyway. Traffic wasn't too bad. I managed to get there with five minutes to spare.

"May I help you?" The hostess smiled at me.

I adjusted my sunglasses. "Carmichael. Melanie Carmichael." I smiled and tried my new accent on a stranger. She looked at me suspiciously. I'm guessing she must be a fan of the movie "Sweet Home Alabama" as well.

I was on to her.

"Right this way—"

"Wait." I stopped her. "Um...when I called...I explained to someone that I received exceptional service from a young gentleman..."

"Oh, yes… We have a table for you in Edward's section."

I blew out a breath. "Thank you."

She showed me to a small table in the corner. It had one place setting and a candle lit. It looked cozy. When I sat, I pulled the blouse down a little and turned to the side to cross my legs. With the new heels my legs looked all kinds of long, and my cleavage was looking good too.

_Case in point was that I actually had some._

Now all I had to do was wait for Edward.

"Good evening." He greeted me as he approached my table. "My name is Edward and I will be your server for this evening." He placed a drink down in front of me.

"Will you now? My server, huh?" I twirled a lock of my hair around my finger.

He grinned. "That's a Cosmopolitan." He pointed to the drink. "Compliments of the gentleman at the bar…" We both turned to look at the guy. He wasn't unfortunate looking, but my stare didn't linger long.

I waved and looked up to Edward. "Thank you," I said, southern style. "Neva had one of these befo'..." I sipped it, and decided the accent was a little thick just now. "Delicious." I toned it down.

"Well...I see you're all set for drinks. Can I start you with an appetizer? The stuffed clams are delicious."

I leaned forward. "What are they stuffed with?" I reached out to toy with his tie.

He chuckled and smoothed his tie down. "Crabmeat, breadcrumbs, carrots, celery, and assorted spices."

I shook my head no. "What else do you recommend?" I sipped my drink again and frowned. "I'm not liking this much." I pushed it away. "I'm more of a...Sex on the Beach kinda gal." I took the lime wedge out of the drink and lightly bit it.

_It was just as sour as our banter, but drawing attention to my mouth is good._

_Haven't you guys seen "Clueless"? _

Edward raised his eyebrows and stared at the lemon wedge.

"You were saying?" I drew on my lower lip with it.

He cleared his throat. "I like the stuffed clams, but the stuffed artichoke is great too. I'll be back with your drink while you think on that." He touched the table and then took off.

I leaned back and threw the lime rind back into the martini glass.

_I should have choked on it. _

Then I wondered why he wasn't taking the bait. The night we met he spoke so freely to me, and now—now he's waiter-like.

I saw him coming back and pulled my blouse down a little more. Any lower and my nipples were going to join the party.

_Would that be a bad thing?_

I sighed as he put the drink on the table. "There's that handsome face."

He crookedly smirked at me. "Thank you, ma'am."

"Do I look like a 'ma'am'?" I grinned up to him, making sure to keep my mouth closed.

"I was being polite." He shrugged.

"Be polite over here… Have a seat." I pulled a neighboring chair over. "You don't look too busy." He really wasn't busy. Edward has made mention that the bistro slows down on summer nights.

Edward cleared his throat and sat down. "How's the drink?"

I sipped it and nodded. "Fantastic."

"Any thoughts regarding an appetizer?"

I shook my head. "No. I'm more starved for company than food. Can you relate?"

He frowned as he looked down. "No. I'm sorry to hear that."

I straightened out my napkin and leaned forward again. "Do you have a girlfriend?"

He looked around. "I'm sort of seeing someone," he said.

I nodded, feeling sick to my stomach but I was determined to play it cool. "Lucky girl. But sort of...that's not exactly a commitment, now is it?" I reached out to pick some lint off his shirt. "A handsome man like you...I'm in town for a few days. Did you maybe want to get together? Have drinks…_me_." I rubbed down his arm.

He leaned away from my touch. "I'm probably stupid…I bet most men would agree that I am… Lady, you're gorgeous, but I'm not interested. I may not have a commitment yet, but I love her… I won't screw up the chance I do have."

I leaned away from him because I had no idea what to say. I think I was in shock or something. I can see how sleeping with someone and dating them a few times is "sort of seeing someone" but, he loves her?

_How…_

Even my psyche was in shock, and I was never more thankful to be wearing sunglasses.

"G-good for you," I said, so low that I barely even heard me.

"Hey..." he whispered. "Are you okay? I can see how traveling can be lonely…I bet the guy at the bar would be thrilled to have dinner with you. Like I said, you are a very attractive woman…I'm so flattered. You have NO idea…it's just—"

I waved a hand and gulped loudly. Then I reached into my purse for a twenty and threw it down on the table. "I just remembered..." I trailed off, using Marcus's stellar ditching line, and then I practically ran out of the restaurant.

When I was in the street, I leaned back against a neighboring store window and tried to catch my breath.

Then, I thanked God that I didn't put myself out there—that I didn't tell Edward how I felt—as me.

Being thankful only lasted a minute at best before I felt an intense ache in my chest. Not only was I hurt, but I also felt physically wounded.

_What the hell was this? _

I rubbed it as I began to walk. I just walked in the direction of uptown, and kept walking.

So, he's not into me. Big deal. Why does it hurt this bad? This was like actual heart fail. It felt like I was having a goddamn heart attack, like my heart was actually breaking.

Even with our games: the flirting and me fucking with him all the time—the hot and cold mess we seem to love—in my heart of hearts I firmly believed that we would end up together.

Some dude in a hard hat whistled at me and I was in no mood.

"Fuck you!" I shouted, and kept on walking.

"Ay! Honey, what gives?" he asked.

"What gives?" I shook my fist. "Go fuck yourself!" I screeched.

"Whoa!" he shouted back.

I ignored him, and began to walk faster. Then when I was a few blocks away from the restaurant, I caught a cab. I asked the driver to take me home.

I cried—literally sobbed—and berated myself the entire way.

Instead of being alone and just wallowing in my misery, I grabbed the vodka out of the freezer. I tore off my wig, my shirt, and my shoes. I blasted some music, and then I drank.

I was still alone in my misery, except for Jax. I spoke to him as I drank. I told him everything, and decided that he was a great listener.

But after quite a few gulps I was feeling drunk…and just miserable.

"Why?" I asked Jax. Then I drank some more and danced some more. The more I danced and drank, the better I had started to feel. I had begun to feel fantastic, becoming the one-woman star of my own little pity party.

"First I was afraid, I was petrified…" I started to sing; meanwhile, the Foo Fighters played on the stereo. "Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side…but then I…"

_I decided not to sing this shit anymore_.

I felt victorious as I jumped up onto the couch. I will not feel sorry for myself. "It's times like these you learn to love again…" I jumped off the couch, flailing my arms and legs.

"Whoa!" I giggled, surprised to have landed on my feet.

_So Edward loves Chelsea. Great. I hope they have ugly children. _

I didn't go there.

_Fuck, yes. _

I did.

I hope they have ugly babies. I hope her ass gets fat. I hope their sex becomes dull, and she gets so ugly Edward cheats on her with a tranny.

_For those of you unfamiliar with the term, tranny is short for "transvestite". _

_Google it. _

I let out a loud laugh as I jumped up and down on his stupid couch again.

Then I felt a little gassy, so I farted on his pillow, hoping to give him pinkeye or some shit.

As I did that, I heard someone pounding away on the door. I stared at the door wide-eyed, before I hopped off the couch to lower the volume of the music.

"Who is-is it?" I shouted or maybe slurred. There's no difference at this point in time.

"It's Rosalie. Open this fucking door." That bitch pounded again.

"Rose!" I shouted happily and opened the door wide. It wasn't only Rose. She had Emmett(s) with her, as in plural. There were two. "Wow…" I leaned away as they all entered my apartment, but as I reached out to touch the second Emmett—I'm guessing she brought him for me—my hand went right through him. "He's a ghost," I said.

"What are you talking about?" Rose laughed as she picked up my salvation in a bottle. "How much of this did you drink?"

I shrugged, and turned the music back up. "Let's dance…make my way back home and I'll learn to fly," I sang.

"Uh-oh." Rose turned to Emmett. "She only listens to Foo Fighters when she's upset. She thinks her dad looks like Dave Grohl—"

"That's—that's just weird." Emmett, that fuck—the first one, the second disappeared—turned my music back down. "Maybe she should um...put clothes on?" He looked to Rose.

I looked down. I was in my skirt and bra. "I'm good," I said.

"Why didn't you come to the Cafe? Edward waited and waited..." Rose took me by my shoulders.

"Fuck him." I burped. "...'xcuse me."

"Since when?" She looked sad and that made me sad.

I looked to Emmett. "What did you do?" I asked.

He put his hands up and backed away from us.

"Bella, look at me." Rose smacked my cheek. "Why didn't you come tonight? He waited for you, and then he didn't even perform."

"Who?" I asked.

"Edward." Rose groaned.

"Babe, I think...maybe you should have this conversation tomorrow," Emmett said.

"No…he'll be here soon and I'm so tired of playing secret keeper. I plan to tell her, before he tells her. That way—"

"You should stay out of it," Emmett laughed.

"No way...I don't know what her deal is, but…he'll be here soon, and she won't believe him, or some catastrophic thing will happen—these two are hopeless." Rose threw her hands up.

"Let Edward tell her when he's ready. I think she should go to bed," Emmett said.

"To bed, he said!" I laughed so fucking hard.

"You're so trashed…" Rose stared at me.

I nodded and that made me feel dizzy. "Edward can suck a cock." I sat down on the couch. "He loves Chelsea, and I farted on his pillow," I laughed out loud, but my laughing stopped when Edward walked in. "What are you doing here?" I shouted.

"I live here," he said. He looked so handsome I was at a loss for words. He was wearing clothes and a scowl.

"Hi." I waved.

He shook his head and walked into the kitchen.

I looked to Rose. "What's his problem? I'm the heartbroken one."

"Why are you heartbroken?" she whispered.

"He loves Chelsea—" I said and then ran into the kitchen after him. I saw him open the freezer and then slam it closed.

"Did you drink my vodka?" He wouldn't even look at me.

"Just a little, and I would have drunk it all if it weren't for those meddling kids and that pesky dog," I laughed.

"Funny…" He walked past me again.

I followed him into the living room. He grabbed what was left of the vodka and collapsed onto the sofa. "I wouldn't even be here if I had anywhere else to go," he said to me, and then tilted his head back to take a swig. "I had big plans tonight, but no…"

"So did I!" I shouted. "I had plans."

"Where were you anyway? I tried calling you?" Rose asked.

I shrugged. "I went out to dinner… Hence the nice clothes." I gestured to myself. "Didn't even enjoy it—had no foods."

Edward laughed. "What'd you have a date? Is he still here? Or did you send him packing? You're like a fucking praying mantis. Once you're done—they don't do what you want—" he slid his finger across his throat, "you're…they're done."

"Ugh!" I scoffed, and then jumped up and down. "Fuck you, Mister!" I folded my arms across my chest.

Rose stood from the couch. "I don't know what the fuck is going on, but I've had enough."

"Don't you dare!" Edward had shouted. "I'm done. Whatever I thought before is dead—that's it. She can't even keep a promise. What the fuck was I thinking?"

I had no idea what he was talking about, but I knew he was talking about me.

Emmett shook his head. "We're missing something here."

And all three of them looked to me.

"What?" I asked, and held my hand out for the vodka bottle.

"You've had enough," Rose said.

"Yeah, beat it, sister." Edward held it away from me.

"Sister." I snickered. "That's all I am, right? A sister. A buddy. Well, fuck you...I hope you have ugly children and a tranny gives you crabs." I poked his chest. I heard Rose and Emmett laughing, but Edward still wore a frown. "So where's your girl? The one you're 'sort of' seeing?" I asked.

He shrugged. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Babe, we should go—let them work shit out," Emmett said.

I turned to look at Rose. She looked defeated and sad. "We should…" She looked to me. "I want to know what all this was about. Call me tomorrow, if you remember." She looked to Edward. "Make sure she's okay…you'll put her to bed?" Rose asked.

Edward rolled his eyes and nodded. "Yeah…" He grumbled and then let out a sigh.

I scoffed. "He is not putting me to bed. He couldn't that first night…could you, Edward?" I asked.

He balled his hands into fists. "Can you go into your room? I don't want to see you right now…and I don't want to leave with you being so drunk," he said calmly.

"I'll call _you_." Rose waved.

I gave her a salute and sat down next to Edward, while they let themselves out. "Why?" I asked him.

He gulped back some vodka. "Why, what?" He looked to me. "Put a shirt on."

"God forbid, I disgust you." I stood up putting out my hands.

"You're a nasty drunk sometimes, you know that?"

I stuck my tongue out at him.

"No…sometimes…you're just a really horrible person."

I swallowed, and then sobered up a bit when he said that. "I know." I looked down and bit my quivering lip. "So thank God, you dodged this bullet, right?" I pointed to myself.

He didn't reply as he stared down to the floor.

I stared at him while I quietly sobbed. I tried not to make any noise, but it was hard.

"Why are you crying?" he asked. "Who'd you fuck now? Is all the sex you have really that bad?"

"No one!" I shouted. "I'm just stupid—waaaah!" I wailed.

He reached out for my hand and pulled me down to sit. "How come when I want to be mad at you, I can't?"

I shrugged and wiped at my eyes. When I pulled my hands away from my face, I noticed that my fingers were black. I bet—from all the mascara—I looked like a raccoon or Amy Winehouse after a night out.

"You're my best friend, you know that, right?" he asked.

I nodded. "You're my best friend too, I think." Black fingers, a sniffling mess, and all; I reached for the bottle.

"No…you had more than enough…fuck…you're a mess. Did you eat anything? Where'd you go?" Edward's gaze had softened and he reached out to push my hair back.

I looked away from him. "I didn't eat anything."

He sighed and pushed himself off of the couch. "I'll make you a grilled cheese."

I threw myself at his feet and hugged his legs. "Why are you so wonderful?" I sobbed loudly. "I hope you're happy with Chelsea and you have pretty babies. You deserve so much—I'm horrible—Fuck that…" I hugged his legs tighter. "Be with me. Love me. Have my ugly babies." I molded myself to his legs. "I'm horrible, so I'm allowed to be selfish."

He bent over to pick me up, but I latched on to his legs.

"No…I won't let go!" I held on for dear life.

After a few moments of silence and him not moving, I looked up to his face. He had his face covered with his hands.

"Are you okay?" I rasped.

He uncovered his face and wore a smirk. "You're so trashed—adorable—but trashed. I think you should go to bed. I don't even know what you're talking about."

"I know you love Chelsea…but you should love me. I can learn to be a better person."

He tried to pick me up again.

"No!" I held onto his legs as best as I could. "Go ahead and marry her. See how far you get down the aisle with me here. Sex will definitely be awkward," I laughed.

"Can we sit on the couch? I promise I won't go anywhere," he said.

I moved so that I hugged one leg. "You can sit."

He slowly limped toward the couch with me sitting on his foot. Then, he sat down and stared at me.

"Don't look at me like that…" I turned my face away from him. "I'm almost thirty. You think I'm letting you go without a fight?" I rested my head on his knee.

"Can you come here?" He widened his arms. "My escape will still be difficult with you holding on up here."

I thought about it for a minute. He had a point, so I took his hands and climbed into his lap. Then I latched onto his neck. "I'm an Edward ornament," I laughed.

"You are," he sighed and hugged me so tight; it felt amazing. "What am I going to do with you?"

"Love me." I kissed his cheek.

"Love you?" he asked. "I already do."

"Not as a friend…" I licked his cheek. I don't know why I did.

I just did. He tasted salty—like spunk—but it was probably sweat. It was ninety degrees today. I licked him again.

"Hungry?" he laughed.

"Horny," I giggled. "But you taste like sunflower seeds."

"Christ…Are you serious?" He stared at me.

I leaned back. "Sunflower seeds taste awesome." I licked his cheek a third time. "And…I'm always horny."

"No…I mean…you're_ that_ fucked up?"

I shrugged.

He leaned his head to mine. "There are a few things I'd like to tell you, but I won't do it now. You're drunk and this could be the alcohol talking. And I'd really like for you to remember…I hope you're serious, too."

"Drunk men tell no lies, sexy pants." I bit his earlobe.

He shivered and leaned away from me.

"I'm sorry," I whispered and the tears were back. I let go of him to sob into my hands again. "I was so stupid. I put on the wig and tried to seduce you as a blonde, so what would make me think I could do so now? I'm pathetic." I went to get off of him, but he held me close.

"What?" he asked.

"I was at the restaurant earlier. You'll need a long explanation as to why I was dressed like a southern blonde, but you said you loved Chelsea, so I should respect that." I shrugged.

"That was you? I knew that chick smelled familiar," he laughed. "Good job with the accent. I had no idea." He continued to laugh.

"It's not funny." I pushed him.

"I wasn't talking about Chelsea. I told her the other night—I told her to stop calling me."

"So, who..." I stared at him. "You're dating someone else?"

He grinned and palmed my face. "No." Then he stared at me, and I wondered what he was staring at.

I sniffled. "What?" I asked. "Do I have boogies?" I wiped my nose with my arm.

Edward pulled my arm away from my nose. "Bella, I—I—" He slumped his shoulders.

I tried to shake the drunk away, along with my tears. I still felt incredibly sad and drunk as I stared back at him, but most of all—out of every emotion or feeling—I still wondered what his deal was. "Um…" I looked down.

"I—I—" He stammered again.

I snorted. "Aye-Aye, Captain."

He chuckled. "I'm hopeless," he whispered.

I felt all kinds of defeated. I almost felt like I wanted to take back what I had said before. Maybe I should let Edward go without a fight. "Waaaah!" I wailed again at the thought.

Edward fussed over me while I cried out. It was one of those hold your breath—pausing—with your mouth wide-open cries. "Bella, breathe—"

My body shook and no sounds came out. I was just that sad.

"Bella?" He gave me a whack to my back.

"Awaaah!" I palmed my face. This time I just felt like an idiot. "I'm sorry." I hiccupped. "I—I think I might be getting my period."

_I'm such a sellout, but fuck, you bitches would blame your menses too. _

Just saying…

"Oh…" Edward rubbed my back.

I wiped at my eyes again. "So, who is she?" I swallowed.

This time, he opened his mouth like he was going to talk and nothing came out, not even a stammer.

"Y-you can tell me." I shivered.

He vigorously rubbed my arms. "You're freezing. Let me—" He pointed to the air conditioner and went to stand, but I held him in place.

"You can tell me anything," I whispered. "You don't have to be nervous. Whoever she is…well, she's pretty fucking lucky."

"Fuck…I hope you remember this," he smiled widely and slightly shook his head, "I was talking about you."

I blinked a few times.

"I'm sorry—fuck—"

"Wait." I pulled him back. "Me? You—you love me?" I cried and felt sick to my stomach, but happy.

He smiled so wide his eyes were almost closed. "I do…am I stupid?"

I shook my head no, and then puked in his lap.

* * *

><p><strong>Wacka! Wacka! Wacka!<strong>

**I'm on a vomit spree.**

**Thank you!**

**There you have it...still want to strangle me?**

**Big me, by The Foo Fighters is one powerful song**

* * *

><p><strong>Fic Recs<strong>

**"Still Untitled" by Kirsten19191**

Edward never liked children and he thinks they are a waste of time. He also never believed in love. Then he meets Bella in a bar and they have a one night stand. Will Bella change Edward's feelings on kids and love or will he stay the same?

So far, I am loving this fic. Lemon in chapter one? Super HOT! This author doesn't waste any time in giving us the goods. I FLOVE that! There's something up with Bella, and I'm waiting to find out. Edward is clueless, wears his heart on his sleeve, and yet at first he seems like a womanizer but, he's not. He's a player, and Bella intrigues him. No, this is not your dime a dozen fic where this happens. This one has a bit of mystery about it, and I'm hooked. I can't wait for the next chapter!

www[dot]fanfiction[dot]net/s/6782154/1/Still_Untitled

**"Ancient History" by Shattered Glass Rose**

Bella's life is nothing spectacular. But, what happens when she decides to break out of her mold and be daring for a change. Will her efforts go unnoticed by the one person who matters to her? Or will she slip into the background once more? Jasper/Bella

This little gem just happens to be my ultimate fantasy. I will read anything that has that teacher/student scenario and this one is Jazella...need I say more?

Yeah, I will. This is only two chapters in, but I LOVE it. I'd have sex with it if I could. (I probably will) There's something so promising about it. I know and hope it gets naughty...Now I'll stop...LMAO. CHeck it out!

www[dot]fanfiction[dot]net/s/7052456/1/Ancient_History**  
><strong>

* * *

><p>VOTING is now open for the Avant Garde awards. This is the real deal Holyfield, people! It's the last round and Quiet Storm made it in several categories: Hall of Fame, Best Edward, Best Bella, Best Carlisle, and Best Esme.<p>

**"Put the mouse back in the house"** I'm sure it's been said by many, but I heard it from 'Friends'. Gunther said it to Phoebe's boyfriend in one episode.


	10. The Matrix

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Beta'd by HollettLA**

**Huge thank you to everyone still with me. I apologize for the wait, however, I was bitten by quite a few Quiet Storm plot bunnies. Sorry.**

* * *

><p>**Check out the os collaboration piece I posted today**

**"On the Side" by MelissaMargaret** **and SexyLexiCullen**. It's Carlisle/Bella...with canon couples. Yes, this is a naughty infidelity piece... RATED D for dur-tay!

Carlisle wants to be happy. With the holiday season approaching, he's left in a bitter and somber mood. His only source of enjoyment comes in the form of fantasizing about his son's girlfriend, Bella. **BOO-YA!** Check it out...it's...different.

* * *

><p>"<strong>Outside the Box" chapter 10: The Matrix<strong>

**T**here were absolutely no words in the English language to describe how I feel right now. I knew I wasn't dead. If I were dead, I wouldn't be in this much pain. And thinking about last night only made the pain worse.

Movement behind me made me feel a little nauseous. "You OK?" Edward whispered.

I whimpered and wished I was dead. That shit was too loud—his voice and my sigh.

"Do you, um, remember…anything from last night?"

I swallowed and would have nodded if I could have. I lifted my thumb—gave him a "thumbs up" and hoped he saw it.

"Oh…thank God." He breathed, and I stiffened when I felt him wrap his arm around me.

"_Hello, there,"_ the horny bitch inside me greeted. Bella was still fucked up, but that whore—she has a mind of her own, and she was down for whatever.

"There's Advil and a bottle of water to your right…whenever you're ready."

_Ready for what? I need to brush my teeth before we…_

I shot up to smack myself in the face. "I puked on you last night," I said.

Edward reached for my hand and squeezed it. "Yup."

"And yet—" I turned to face him, keeping my eyes squinted. "You stayed in here with me?" We were in my bed—not his bed, my bed.

He shook his head and leaned back. "I was sitting on the couch when you…"

"Oh, um, are we going to do the weird thing and act—coy? Like the words we said last night didn't mean—" I stopped talking. I was in no mood for bullshit. Not anymore. I made an ass out of myself, but I knew what I was doing.

There's like…five people occupying my brain. I have Bella, the horny bitch, the cynical cunt, the sweetheart, and the sober one. She's always in there. Even when I try to let go of my inhibitions, she still manages to stick around. Sometimes she disappears after a night of drinking, but most times, she sticks around to remind me of the mistakes I make. She also holds me back from doing anything too outlandish.

She was around last night.

Usually there are five personalities, but last night I had a guest.

I used the vacationer. This "drunk and cute" bitch to get my feelings out.

"Fuck…I hope not," Edward said. "I don't give a fuck anymore. I'm pretty crazy about you, and I think you dig me, too. So…"

I couldn't nod. "Same here. I—I love you," I whispered the words, even if the peanut gallery in my brain was hiding. They were scared too, and Bella didn't give a fuck.

"We're crazy," Edward laughed. "I love you, too."

The sweetheart did a cartwheel, and the cynical cunt pushed her down. I giggled, even if it hurt my head. Yeah, they all groaned in response.

I turned to grab the Advil and pop them back. I needed to stop thinking in a broken third person narrative. I hate that. Bella hates that. What the fuck ever. I sipped the water slowly. "We didn't fuck, right? 'Cause I don't remember that and I'd like to."

Edward scooted closer and wrapped his arms around my waist. "No, we didn't. I'd like to talk to you about that."

I raised a brow, willing him to continue.

"I'd—I'd like to take this slow."

I slumped my shoulders, and he sighed. "I just—I think there's going to be a weird shift—like an adjustment period?" he asked. "I don't know how we're going to go from friends to…to lovers."

"Lovers?" I asked. "Once we fuck…I think that's all the adjustment we'll need…just saying." I shrugged.

He seemed to ignore that. "I can admit…that I am in love with you—shit—_now_ I can," he laughed. "Oh God…I was so stupid, but you made me so nervous—fuck—you still do."

"We can go at any pace you'd like." I breathed. "And…me too…all that stuff."

He stared at me, wearing a smile so wide.

I gave him a small smile in return.

"Can I hold you?" He widened his arms.

I silently crawled back to him and buried my head in his chest.

**/=/=/**

Two hours later, I woke up feeling much better. Well, a little better. Edward wasn't lying next to me, so I guess it was a draw. I had to pee so bad that I ran to the bathroom. I heard the television on in the living room, but ignored it.

When I entered the bathroom and caught sight of myself, I jumped back. I looked horrible—makeup was all over my face and my hair was a wreck. I was still only wearing a bra and skirt, and I had crust in the corners of my mouth.

_Fuck._

That man must love me, I thought, as I turned on the shower.

_He loves me._

I smiled under the spray and giggled a bit. No man has ever said he loved me before. It made my stomach flip—and then my soaking wet body upchucked into the toilet.

I had some leftovers, but after I let it all out, my stomach still danced with excitement. Even when I wiped my mouth with my forearm, I still felt giddy.

_Edward loves me._

After I showered and brushed my teeth again, I waved to that sexy fucker. I didn't linger in the doorway and entered my bedroom.

I didn't lock the door while I dressed, either. I hoped I could flash him, make up for the nightmare he woke up next to, but he never barged in to fuck me.

_Damn._

Dressed in a t-shirt and shorts, I placed my hand on the doorknob.

"Bella?" He knocked lightly, while I quickly thought about undressing again.

I opened the door—fully clothed—to greet him. "I called out of work for tonight," he said.

"Oh…" I hated that Edward was right—about our interaction from now on being weird. I wanted to kiss him, give him a good dry-hump, but I felt a little awkward.

"I thought—I thought maybe…" Edward stared at the floor. "Maybe we co-could go out tonight?"

Taking a leap of faith and hoping he wouldn't deny me, I pulled him to me by his t-shirt. "Kiss me," I said.

He swallowed while looking at my lips and nodding.

"I don't want it to be weird," I said.

He kissed my forehead and palmed my face. "See what I mean? I've never done this before."

I stood on my toes. "Well, what's missing besides the physical? We're best friends…we find each other attractive. We can say 'I love you', but we can't kiss?"

He grinned and softly placed his lips to mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck and wove my fingers into his soft hair. I also wished he'd open his mouth—devour me—but he didn't. He leaned his forehead to mine and cleared his throat.

I wore the same expression because, even though he didn't deepen it, it was still pretty intense. My stomach tied in knots. I had butterflies, not rancid booze, and my whole body was flushed—I felt tingly, and my vagina ached.

My heart _and_ clit had palpitations.

"Where do you want to go tonight?" he asked and held me to him. He rested his hands low on my back, and I fit perfectly molded to him. "Bella?" He kissed my nose, my forehead, my chin, both of my closed lids, and finally my lips again. "Can I kiss you whenever I want now?"

My smile widened and I nodded. "Any time…anywhere." I opened my eyes.

"You're such a pervert," he laughed, running his fingers down the length of my arm.

"I know," I said.

"I love it."

"I love you," I said.

"I love you too."

"This is getting corny," I giggled.

Edward threw his head back and laughed.

"I'd be happy just to chill out here tonight…watch a movie." I kissed him. "Order takeout." I kissed him. _Sit on your face. You can finger-fuck me. I can suck that perfect peen._ "We can be in bed early. Tomorrow's Monday." I frowned.

He shook his head no. "I want to take you out. We'll go have dinner…an early dinner?"

I nodded while I adjusted his hands. I placed them on my ass. "Too much pressure on my back," I lied.

He palmed my ass and let out a growl. "Why was it so hard and now it seems so easy? Still a little awkward, but easy nonetheless?" he asked.

"I've always been easy." I breathed and stuck my chest out.

"No…I mean…" He paused and stared at me. "Ho-how many dudes have you had sex with? Just curious is all."

I thought about that for a minute. "A few…less than a handful?"

"Are you asking me? Do you not remember?"

"No." I scoffed, and the pretty peen spell was broken. We actually broke away. "Like four people. And none of them were important."

"Oh," he said.

"My mind is a slut, but my body is not." I repeated the witty slogan I saw on Facebook and shrugged. I also burped under my breath. I blew it away from Edward and wondered if he saw. This is exactly what he was talking about too. Last week, I would have let it go. I'd say excuse me, and Edward would admire the booming sound.

But now, he might be my boyfriend?

"What are we?" I asked.

Edward kept his gaze on the floor. "I know people date before they become committed, but…I…"

"You, what?" I stepped closer to him.

"Honest?" he asked.

I placed my hand on my hip. "Seriously?"

He nodded and turned away from me. He went to sit on the couch, and I followed after him. "Don't sit so far away." He actually pulled me to him. "You've been too far for too long."

"Awww." I pouted because he was too fucking cute. "I get it." I nestled into him.

"I don't want you dating other guys—just me," he said so low, I barely heard him.

"Done," I said. "I don't want anyone else…but that goes for you, too."

"Of course…I—I do-don't want anyone else either." He groaned and hugged me so tight. "Bella Swan, will you be my girlfriend?"

I closed my eyes tightly and tried not to squeal. "Yes." It came out that way anyway.

"Awesome."

"Cool."

"Yeah," he sighed and kissed my hair. "Did you use my shampoo?"

"I ran out of mine," I said and looked around for Jax. He was chillin' in the corner, still wearing his neckpiece. I felt like a horrible mother. I get a boyfriend and forget about my baby.

That's not good.

We didn't speak much more after that. We were content to cuddle on the couch for close to an hour, until he pressed me about what I wanted to do tonight. While I appreciated the effort, it really wasn't necessary. I mean, what's the point in dating?

The only reason I ever dated was for a free meal, and when you split the rent…it seems pointless, to me anyway.

There are pros and cons, and everything seems like a contradiction today.

Will we?

Won't we?

What are we?

I was exhausted by the time we left for dinner, but it was cool. I was going for the kill tonight, so I made sure I looked my best. I wore a sleeveless black dress. It's a little on the tight side these days, but judging by the way Edward's tongue almost fell out of his mouth, I guessed I made the right choice.

I had my hair down and makeup on, but the dress is what really made me look sexy.

Edward held my hand while we waited for the train. He offered to take a cab, but—trying to make a good impression aside—we know each other. Roughly translated, that means neither one of us really had "cab" money.

The subway was fine by me, and it took absolutely no points away from my handsome date. Edward looked amazing as well. Despite the heat, he wore a dark blue button-down shirt with some black pants. He completed the look with loafers and, at my request, wore his glasses.

When I saw him getting ready to go, I asked him if I could see them. He pulled out a case and handed it to me. They were sleek, rimless, and I knew he'd look sexy wearing them.

I may have also told him about my, um, "geek" fetish.

That sexy geek had no qualms wearing the glasses.

I didn't have any qualms "not" wearing panties.

He doesn't know that yet.

"You look…gorgeous," he said, eyeing my cleavage. We had just exited the subway, and were walking in Midtown. It's not the first time he's said it either. He's told me so many times, and I feel gorgeous.

"Wonderbra," I said, pointing to it.

He smirked at me. "As in…later when I take it off of you, I'll wonder where they went?" he laughed.

I nudged him with my shoulder. "Ass…"

"No, you have ni-nice br-breasts." He licked his lips.

"Hmm…you plan to take it off of me later?" I grasped his hand.

"I…um…Christ…Why am I so nervous?" he laughed at himself.

"It's just me." I rested my head on his bicep.

He stopped walking to face me and palm my cheeks. "I know…and that's why…I want this to be perfect…I want us to be perfect. I don't want to screw this up." He really looked like he was having some inner turmoil going on.

I placed my hands on his. "You won't—you can't." I smiled. "I'll continue to be vulgar and silly. You'll likely put your foot in your mouth, but that's us."

He nodded.

"We can't take the leap we did last night, only to take ten fucking steps back today." I touched his face. "Right?" I nearly pleaded.

This was real.

This was happening.

It _had_ to be happening.

Edward may think he can fuck it up, but he really can't. I don't know if it's my own desperation or the feelings I have for him. All I know is that Edward and I—everything that is Edward and I—became so fucking serious. It wasn't a joke anymore, although, I hoped we could go back to normal, only better?

"You're right." He grabbed my hand, and we started walking again. "When I was a kid, I stuttered—stammered. I grew out of it, but sometimes with you—I do it again." He crinkled his brows and looked sad. "I never do it…only when I'm around you." He blew out a breath.

"Hey, Edward?" I asked.

"Yeah?" he whispered, looking down on his luck.

"I'm not wearing any panties," I giggled.

His eyes went right to my hips.

"That's the place, right?" I swayed my hips and walked toward the restaurant ahead of him.

We ate at a quaint Italian restaurant. Edward gushed about the place, and I thought it was okay. It wasn't the best Italian food I had ever had, but this was still the best date I had ever had.

Everything was perfect.

We laughed at each other.

We shared food.

And Edward had his hand on my bare thigh for most of the night.

We were cute, too.

The waiter said we were a cute couple, and I loved that.

We shared dessert.

Edward spoke about his childhood some more and told a story about Rosalie. When we were in the Hamptons, I hadn't seen any old family photos, mostly, I guessed, because it was a summer home. So, I was thoroughly surprised when he said Rosalie was very overweight as a kid.

She used to get teased a lot. And he also spoke about how, when they grew older, their roles became reversed.

Edward had always defended her.

When he got older, he became quieter—mature—pussy-whipped by that evil ex-wife, submissive.

Rosalie became Edward's protector when they grew into adulthood.

I found it endearing and I was a little jealous.

I told him all about "Skid Mark", and how I had no one to defend me.

I laughed it off, but Edward didn't find it funny. He said that was a horrible story. Some guy takes my virginity and tells the school I have shit stains—

Okay, so now when I look back at it, I can see just how horrible it truly is.

We spoke about anything and everything. Our early dinner even turned into a late dinner. We were talking, flirting, and touching so much, the waiter finally handed Edward the check at a quarter to nine.

"You ready to go?" Edward whispered and inched his hand higher.

I nodded, an overheated mess. Everything was so intimate—our touches, our laughter, our conversation. It was all so—anticipatory?

Meanwhile, a part of me wished we didn't have to leave the restaurant.

We were comfortable, and I was afraid that the outside world would push us back toward all the awkwardness.

**/=/=/=/=/**

He kissed me by my door, pretending to say goodnight there, but still, he didn't deepen it.

I wondered what I was going to have to do to get a little tongue action.

"Won't you come in?" I asked. He held me around my waist, and I pressed myself as hard to him as I could. "Please?"

He nodded. "If you insist…"

I grinned and turned to open the door for us. Jax went crazy, and we decided to walk him.

"Um…you still want to move into the new place, right?" Edward asked, and the yellow light from the street lamp made him look even prettier.

"Why would you ask me that?" I asked back, warily. "Are you…"

"God, no. I just wanted to make sure."

I blew out a breath. "Yeah…I'm actually excited to leave this dump." I gestured to our building. "He already peed…and I saw a pile of crap by the couch, so…"

Edward sighed. "He was probably mad at us for leaving…come on, boy." He grasped my hand, and the three of us walked into the building.

We went our separate ways after we fought over who would pick up the shit on the floor.

I won, because it was by his couch.

It made absolutely no sense, but he agreed to it.

Huh?

Right when I was about to pull down the side zipper to my dress, I had a better idea. I left my bedroom to see Edward sitting on the couch.

"Can you get this?" I turned around and pointed to the back zipper. I prayed he didn't—couldn't—see the real mechanics of this dress. The side zipper is so I can open it. I'm guessing the manufacturer, placed the back zipper in so that stupid boyfriends can get a hint?

Either way, my face was set ablaze.

"Sure." I heard his steps as he slowly closed the distance, only for him to unzip the dress, and then walk away.

Disappointed, I turned to him and held it in place. "I had a great time tonight."

He kept his eyes on the floor and rubbed his palms on his thighs. "Me too."

I went to sit next to him. I wanted to know what happened to the confident Edward who was just out with me. "Hey." I got on my knees and straddled his lap.

"Bella…" He held my hips and looked over my shoulder. "Slow."

"You're going a snail's pace." I let my weight drop on him. "Kiss me…like for real."

Edward swallowed and held my face. "A real kiss?"

I inched closer, touching my nose to his. "Please." I breathed.

He placed his lips to mine and then we both opened our mouths to tangle our tongues.

He moaned.

I moaned.

And then everything happened so fast. He lifted me off of him and hovered over me quickly. My legs wrapped around his waist, holding him as close as possible. "Edward…" I groaned out, when he began kissing my neck.

"I want you…so bad." He leaned away to palm my breasts.

"You have me—Edward, take me…" I pulled his hair, which only made our kisses more frantic.

And then he was gone.

He was a panting mess as he shook his head no. "If-if-if we…" He palmed his face.

I got onto my knees. "If we, what?"

"There's no going back." He looked down.

I tried not to laugh. "What is this, _The Matrix_?" I asked. "'There's no going back,'" I said, mimicking his voice. "Okay, Morpheus."

He stared intently into my eyes. "You know what I mean. Once we…" He looked to my bedroom. "No…it should be perfect. Not like this…"

I scoffed. "You're such a damn prude—"

"You're special—"

I grinned. "I'm horny—"

He grabbed my face again. "You're amazing, and I love you—I'm so in love with you." He placed a soft kiss on my lips. "If we don't go any farther and figure out it doesn't work for you…I don't want to be hurt again...Not by you."

I frowned and placed my hands on his. "I don't think I could ever hurt you," I said.

"You're a damn piranha…" He looked away from me.

I pursed my lips. "You really think that?" I whispered.

"No." He stared at my lips again.

I didn't say anything else. I didn't know what to say. He's a 30-year-old divorcee. He's been hurt before, but he did fuck Chelsea, so I was a little confused. "But you…"

"I didn't care about her." He sat back on his legs. "Sorry…I'm a fucking coward." He trailed his hand through his hair.

I nodded. "Edward." I molded myself to him again. "If you say goodnight now…the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe—it was all a dream." I wrapped my arms around his neck to kiss it.

I placed a few open-mouthed kisses while his breaths quickened. "And…" I bit his earlobe, and he shuddered. "If you take me to bed…you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes." I placed my lips to his. "Let go…it's me."

He had his eyes closed and we both fell quiet for a few minutes.

I sighed and wished he'd trust me. "It's only me...Bella. I love you and could never imagine hurting you." I stopped talking. This was getting too deep, and I didn't want to cry.

Edward took my arms from around him and stood from the couch. He also wore an amused grin.

I bit my lip seductively. "So, what's it going to be? The red pill or the blue pill?" I reached to toy—run my finger along his belt.

He gave me crooked smirk in return. "Lead the way." He gestured to my bedroom.

I not only led the way, I ran into my fucking bedroom as fast as I could.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for reading!<strong>

**Thoughts?**

****That last bit? About the dream and the rabbit hole, those were direct quotes from the movie, "The Matrix"**

**THAT BEING SAID: BELLA DID NOT GIVE EDWARD AN ULTIMATUM. LIKE, IF HE DIDN'T GO AND SLEEP WITH HER IT WOULD BE OVER. THOSE LINES WERE FROM THE MATRIX-WISH I HAD BIGGER LETTERING-THAT WAS NOT AN ULTIMATUM! **


	11. Inside the Box

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Beta'd in record time by HollettLA. I love you!**

**HUGE thank you to everyone that read "Outside the Box" my silly tale, which was sort of a biofic-let. Sorry for the wait, I was trying to prolong the inevitable. This is the last chapter and an epilogue will follow.**

**Please enjoy and read the important note at the end. **

"**Outside the Box" Chapter 11: Inside the Box**

**A**s soon as I entered my bedroom, I shimmied out of my dress. Yet, as I did that, my stomach tied in knots. This was it. This was the moment I have been waiting for since the night I met Edward.

I gulped and kept the dress off.

"Hey," Edward said softly from behind me.

When I turned to face him, I saw that his cheeks were tinted pink and his eyes were cast down. He seemed apprehensive as he stood casually with one arm raised and resting on the doorframe. He looked sexy as hell and he also looked the same way I felt.

Nervous.

"You can come in," I said, keeping my eyes on him. I wasn't going to lose the nerve. I can't lose the nerve.

He sighed and took a step closer to me, but he would not look at me.

"Edward." I threw his name out there, wondering what his problem was. I could still see the faint outline of his erection in his slacks.

"You did-didn't waste any-any time, did you?" He cleared his throat.

"Wha—Oh, shit." I covered myself with my hands. I wasn't wearing panties tonight, so right now I stood before him in a bra. That's it. "Well…we were supposed to…"

"I know," he said quickly. "Christ…Why is this so—"

"Awkward?" I asked.

He nodded and trailed his hand through his hair.

I steadied myself on my feet and dropped my arms to my sides. "Why don't you just kiss me?" I asked.

He was staring at my face now, wearing a silly grin, as he began to close the distance between us.

I sucked my stomach in. After all, I did eat a lot at the restaurant and I had a slight paunch.

"You're beautiful," Edward said, palming my cheek, "so amazingly beautiful—gorgeous." He searched my eyes.

I closed them and swore to shut the fuck up. If his stammering ass doesn't stammer while he spouts that poetry-like bullshit, he can continue. I just really wanted to get this over with now. Not only did I yearn for Edward, but now I wanted to get it over with? Like ripping off that weird Band-Aid we've been wearing. Yes, I did. If we do this, then we won't have any problems continuing to do this, and then we can get to the good sex?

No. If Edward and I—

"Kiss me," I pleaded and needed to stop thinking.

He swallowed and placed his lips to mine.

Edward kissed me slowly this time around. He hands didn't go anywhere, and I was trying stand as close to him as possible—while still trying to shut my brain off.

I threw in a moan for dramatic effect and him, hoping to get him going. Where was that beast-like Edward from the couch? As I moved against him now, I no longer felt the hard bulge of his erection on my stomach.

I pulled away from him. "You lost it," I whispered and licked my lips.

He groaned, and that alone sent a shock wave to my hoo-ha.

"Do that again." I gently massaged his neck.

"What again?" He placed his lips to mine.

"Growl—grunt. Do what you just did." I smiled.

He smirked and let out another groan, but it didn't have as much ferocity as the first.

"Come on. You can do better than that." I stepped away from him and reached back for my bra. I took it off, and then it was gone. "You want to see these bad boys?" I leaned over to cup my breasts while I giggled. I was just messing with him, and I wanted his erection back. I was determined, dammit!

"Bella…" I had shy Edward again.

I grinned at him as I ran toward him fast. "Piranha bite!" I grabbed his side.

He cringed away from me and laughed. "Bella, stop."

I knew I was completely naked, but I started to circle him like he was my prey anyway. "Ever wanted to embrace your—animalistic side?" I pinched his ass, and he jumped.

"No…not really. Did you want to watch television?"

"You want me right?" I asked.

"Of course."

"So, you admit that you want to fuck me?" I got him with my claw again.

"Yes." His face was so red.

"So…do it!" I slapped his ass. "Pin me down and fuck me."

He groaned the good groan.

"Aha!" I laughed. "There it is." I stopped behind him to gently run my hands down his back. "Edward." I stopped playing around.

He reached behind himself to hug me to him.

"I've waited a long time for this," I whispered. "And we have no reason to be nervous, right?" My hands went to his hair, and I lightly scratched along his scalp. "Your hair is so soft."

Fuck. I was seconds away from dry humping his ass. I had all this man in front of me—all this Edward in front of me—and I was ready. I just hope that he was.

"Do you want to touch me?" I asked; he nodded. "Turn around." I turned him to me, and he had his eyes closed. "Keep them closed," I said softly and grabbed his hands. I brought them to my hair. "My conditioner is shit, but I try…"

He grinned while he wove his fingers into my hair. "It's soft," he whispered.

I smiled and my hands encased his to bring them lower. "My shoulders…"

Edward drew in a shaky breath and lightly ran his fingers down my biceps. "Soft, too."

I nodded. "Tell me…what else?"

His hands continued their journey, while I started unbuttoning the rest of his shirt. "Your neck—" He cupped it.

"You're going in the wrong direction," I tsked.

He let out a breathy chuckle. "I know what I'm doing." Edward pulled me against him, to roam his hands down my back and all the way down to my ass. "All of you…you're so soft." He gave my cheeks a good squeeze, while I drooled on his sleeve. "Your waist—fuck." He ran his hands up and down and around my hips. "Your stomach."

By this time I had his shirt open, and his toned chest in my face. "Your chest," I said, before I placed an open-mouthed kiss down.

Edward's hands left my hips to weave themselves into my hair again. "I'm crazy about you."

I smiled and placed more kisses down—so many kisses. I kissed anywhere I could reach, and swore I could do it forever. "You're beautiful," I whispered against his skin.

"Bella…look at me."

I slowly brought my head up to catch his gaze, and then our heads inclined toward each other. And, fuck me. Once our lips touched this time, those frantic smooches were back. My tongue was up in Edward, just as he was all in me, and I tried miserably to climb up his body.

"Move." I pushed him back and as soon as his ass hit the bed, I took a nosedive right for him. He caught me and helped me right myself, as I straddled his lap.

"Fuck." He spat as he palmed my breasts. "You…sitting on me like this…fuck."

I rubbed my lower half against him. "Was this all I had to do?" I scooted lower on his legs to undo his pants.

He leaned on his elbows and stared down at me. "You, naked, on me—that's—that was the dream I had the—the other night." He stared down at my pussy.

"You want this?" I pointed to it.

He nodded and licked his lower lip, while I fought the urge to fuck his face. "Come here."

I squealed excitedly and crawled up his body, only to stop a few inches from his face. "Are you sure?"

"Are you sure?" He was suddenly confident again. "I want to taste you—eat you, fucking devour you."

I looked around myself and wondered where Edward went. "Have you seen that geeky fucker? You know, my date?" I teased, which took nothing away from the panting mess I actually was.

Edward grabbed my hips, and suddenly our positions were reversed. "That geeky fucker?" He lightly bit my nipple, and I turned into Jell-O. "That piranha ate him."

"Oh…" I held his head to me tightly, and wished he'd live with my nipple in his mouth. It should just stay there all the time. "Ed…" My lower half squirmed, or tried to. Edward had me down pretty good.

Little by little, I felt his weight shift because he was easing his way lower, and I couldn't wait until—

"Ung…" I grasped the sheets tightly when he placed a small kiss on my hood.

"May I?"

I was breathing so heavily, there was no way I could answer him.

"Bella?" he whispered, and his cool breath hit my hot arousal.

"Edward," I moaned, ready for it. I was ready for whatever he was willing to do.

"You're so pretty down here."

I huffed and leaned on my elbows to look down at him. He was smiling like some giddy idiot—my sexy, hot as fuck, idiot—while he stared at the cootch. "Just fucking eat me." I grabbed his head and pulled him into my crotch.

Edward was not deterred and got to work quickly, while I started to flop around like a fish on dry land.

_A fish on dry land._

I should get a t-shirt that says that.

"Yes!" I sat up to hold his head to me. And then I pulled his hair to rub myself against his lips. He kept licking and lightly sucking on my clit, and it felt magical—absolutely magical.

At that moment, I swore I turned into a poet.

"Finger me! Fuck me with those fucking—YES!" He must have placed two inside me, and as they pumped furiously, his tongue never left me. "You—tongue—fuck—me!" My body shook violently, and then stiffened as wave after motherfucking wave of ecstasy washed through me. I came, hard. It was a good one, and when he didn't stop his ministrations, I continued to orgasm. It was like _The Never Ending Story_. I was Atreyu and Edward was my Good Luck Dragon. We were in this together—his tongue, my pussy—the cunniligus that is magic.

"Holy…mother of Christ. What the…fuck?" I slumped back into the bed to hold my head. "That was—where'd you learn how to do that?" I asked.

Edward sucked back his lower lip and crawled on top of me. "Tanya."

I nodded. "Don't say her name while we're naked." I held his face and breathed heavily.

"You asked me—"

"You should have lied, but it makes sense. I bet she—" Edward kissed me, and I obviously stopped talking.

"You taste so good." He kissed along my neck.

"I'm all warmed up for you now." I smiled so wide my face hurt. I wanted some Edward peen, and so I spread my legs as wide as my smile.

_It was a metaphor. _

"So wet." He slid his finger up and down my center. "I should get a condom." He nipped my lower lip.

"You came in here without one?" I asked.

He came to lie beside me and gather me into his arms. "I was trying not to do this tonight." He didn't stammer, so I didn't reply. "You understand what I was saying earlier, right?"

I didn't answer again, and lightly touched the back of my hand to his crotch. He was still hard, like a damn rock.

"Bella?" He skimmed his nose along my chest, only to circle my pebbled nipple with his nose.

"Go get the condom," I whispered.

He paused and looked nervous again, but he did get up to leave the room. While he was gone, I squealed into my pillow.

"Hey," he announced after only being away for like thirty seconds. He came back to lie next to me.

"Hi." I leaned on my side and trailed my fingers down his stomach. "Can I?" I asked.

He grinned and pecked at my lips. "I got it." He rapidly brought his pants down and kicked them off, but left his boxers on.

I grabbed for them.

"Finish what you were saying before. Please? Do you understand what—"

I nodded. "I understand, but…I want you, so bad." I pulled his face up to mine. "We've been playing these cat and mouse games. I don't know who was who, but you got me, and I am not going anywhere. I love you. You're a beautiful, wonderful man, with a kind heart and a good soul." I wore a victorious smile that matched Edward's. I meant every word I just uttered, but I never thought they'd string together so nicely like that. I sounded just like he did twenty minutes ago.

Edward nodded slowly. "And now I get to do what I just did…whenever I want?" He pointed his eyes south of the border.

I squealed. "Whenever—you can pull me out of work—whenever," I promised.

"And now you want me to fuck you?" He had a new tone and a new intense thing happening with his eyes. And now Edward sounded like I did twenty minutes ago. I loved it. I was now his prey.

"Make love," I corrected him. "I want you to make love to me." I pushed against his chest so that he leaned back. He took me with him, and I lay on top of him. "I can't wait to feel—to feel us connected, as one—to, to—" I threw the stammer in just for him, "to feel our souls connect."

"Fuck…what else?" His hips pushed his erection into me, while his hands pushed the hair away from my face.

I tried to think of what else to say. "Um…your eyes, they're like—like little windows into your heart. When I look inside…I see my future."

"You're all mine." He groaned and began placing rough kisses along my neck and shoulder. "You don't know what you're doing to me." Between each word, he placed a kiss down, and I was on my way back to la-la land. "Bella, keep—keep—Oh, God." He turned us over to kiss down my body again, and when he landed on my clit—yet again—I was ready to tell him whatever he wanted to hear.

Convulsively swallowing, I tried to remember a poem I had read when I was a kid—when I wasn't so jaded and bitter, and thought all that shit was cute. But first, I had to try to figure out how I was going to say it. What he was doing felt even better than before. He was flicking his tongue against me, and would use his teeth on occasion to graze my swollen nub. "Talk to me, baby. Let me hear that melodic voice—that sexy purr," he mumbled out against me. There was no stammering, only mumbles, and yet I understood him. I hoped this new "Sex God Edward" was here to stay.

"Okay, you ready?" I ground my hips into his face. "Jesus!" My eyes rolled back.

Edward pulled back to nod and kiss along my thigh, while his thumb worked the knob.

"Oh…" We made eye contact, and my lower half moved along with his thumb. If he went in a circular motion, I twirled my hips.

He leaned up to bite at my chin. "I love you," he whispered. "And fuck…I love this." He dove headfirst into me again.

My thighs hugged his face. "My stomach aflutter with butterfly wings," I moaned out and slumped back. "Emotions!" I shouted, "and thoughts, and, and other things! Christ, Edward—just like that!" I placed my hand on the back of his head. "Our love is new…ung… And bright…" I became a moaning, panting mess as he lapped his tongue up and down, up and down. "Our love is new, and bright!" I shouted again, "as a star! Yes! As a motherfucking star." I squeaked out, ready to orgasm again.

When he brought his fingers back to me, I let go—and let the phenomenon that is Edward take me away again.

Once again, Edward repeated the same thing he did moments before. He kissed up my body and pushed my legs even further apart with his knees. This was it, and I hoped I wouldn't vomit because I was nervous again. "Gorgeous." He gently kissed my lips, which actually relaxed me.

Just having him to close, like when we're sleeping, simply put me at ease. I mewled and tried to hug him to me. My arms wrapped around his neck, and my legs found his waist. Well, no. My feet found his waist, and I was fast to slide off his boxers.

He stared into my eyes while he squirmed to kick them off. "You…" he kissed me, "never," he said into my mouth, and then deepened the kiss, "finished your poem." He leaned away to place the condom on his cock.

Before he did so, I grabbed that puppy and I was quick to give it a smooch. "Your cock is—fucking marvelous." We kept going back and forth with the commentary, I wanted to use a word neither one of us had. "Tastes good too." I ran my tongue down his length and back up again to take him deep. "Hmm." What I couldn't fit in my mouth, I stroked—maybe—twice with my hand, before he pulled me away.

"I don't want to—"

I nodded rapidly. I didn't want him to come yet either.

"Right." He breathed heavily and then palmed his face.

While he wasn't looking, I grabbed the condom, and proceeded to place it on him. I used my mouth to somewhat roll it up, but I've never been very skillful at that, and so I used my hands.

Then I dropped back and pulled him with me. I hugged him to me again, and wanted him as close as possible. I was like an Edward ornament again, only we were horizontal, naked, and my legs were open wide. "Did I ever tell you that you're my best friend?" I asked.

He nodded and swallowed loudly. "You're my…everything," he whispered. "You're the first woman that I noticed as an adult. You don't like to hear about it, but it's true."

I felt a little choked up, and didn't want to ruin this moment. "You going to fuck me with that monster dick or what?" I asked.

Edward furrowed his brow and lightly brushed the tear away from my eye. "We don't have to."

I shook my head no. "I've never wanted something so much before," I whispered, and then we quietly stared at each other while we shared the same breaths. I squirmed a bit to get into position, as he did the same. He held himself up, hands on either side of my shoulders, and his erection leaned against my entrance.

"Hey." He kissed me gently. "You never finished that poem." He gave me an Eskimo kiss this time.

I giggled and palmed his face. "My stomach aflutter with butterfly wings," I whispered. "Emotions and thoughts, and other things." He kissed me deeply and roamed his hands down my sides. "Hey," I pulled his head away from my neck. "Our love is new. And bright as a star. God must really love me. To bring me to you," I rushed out, and then bit down my quivering lip. "I mean that shit—I never loved a man before. I am so in love with you, Edward."

"As I am in love with you." Edward grinned. "That was beautiful." He leaned his forehead to mine.

"No…go back to being my dirty boy." My stomach was knotted now, and Edward was still nice and stiff.

He raised a brow and had a playful glint in his eyes. "These are the nicest tits I think I've ever seen."

I grinned, even if he might be lying. They're okay—nothing to write home about.

"I masturbate to you—to this body." He skimmed his nose along my neck, and began kissing along my chest again. "Every day in the shower, I think about you, while I touch myself. I get my hand all soapy—"

"More," I said, as my body was set ablaze.

"I get a good grip—" He grabbed onto my hips. "And I never last long, thinking about you—these tits—that pussy. I'll never have to do that again, will I?" He bit down on my nipple.

I groaned and melted back again. "I called out your name while I was fucking Jake."

He stopped, and I felt him looking at me. "That's—wow—that's—for real?" he asked.

I covered my mouth and wished I was dead. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ruin—" I felt the man meat and saw that it was still standing tall. When I looked back to his face, it had changed. It was serious, so serious, and yet lustful? "I couldn't stop thinking about you." I pulled him on top of me. "That day with the vibrator, I came again, just because you sat on my bed—oh!" When he grazed my entrance again, I braced myself for the impact. "I need you…now."

He drew in a shaky breath and entered me slowly. My nails dug into his shoulders as I tried not to push back. I wanted to go at his pace.

"You feel so—" He fully entered me to dip his head into the crook of my neck.

"Tell me." I felt full.

I didn't call that thing a monster for nothing.

"Look at me." He stared into my eyes, as I stared back. "I love you." He held onto my head, only to pull back and pound back into me.

"Edward," I whimpered.

"You feel too good. I can't—can't go slow." His body continued to rock into mine.

"Don't." I hugged him to me tightly. Our chests stayed connected, and the only things that moved were our hips. Our eyes stayed locked, and I wished he'd kiss me, but there was something about his stare. I couldn't look away.

When I looked into his eyes, I saw my future.

And I never wanted to look back at the past. "Harder," I said.

He gritted his teeth to pound into me roughly, over and over, and over again. "I can't believe—"

I breathed deep and my face felt so hot. "It _is_ happening…" I moaned and throbbed around him, and then rode out my climax. "I love you."

"I—I lo—" He let out a grunt and went as deep as he could inside of me.

As soon as he came and our erratic breathing filled my ears, the air in the room shifted. It seemed lighter and had a loving feel to it. I was so happy. I claimed my man—my love—my Edward, who was hysterically laughing.

"We're so fucking ridiculous." He shook his head.

I giggled. "We wouldn't be Edward and Bella if we weren't."

He chuckled, still panting madly, while he gathered me in his arms.

I sighed contently, still so damn happy. "Are we going to be those saccharine sweet couples, the ones who make me sick?"

Edward kissed my cheek. "I'd like to be, only because I never had that, and I am incredibly fucking happy right now. You make me so happy...the happiest I ever been, and that was before we...made love." He kissed me.

I giggled again. "Me too, Pookie-Bear."

He snorted. "Too much."

"Right." I turned to hug him and lean my head on his chest.

**/=/=/=/=/=/=/**

The next day, we started moving things into the new apartment. Then, sometime after lunch, we decided to share the master bedroom, and turn the spare into an office space.

That was the day Bella Swan moved into an apartment with her boyfriend—the day she let someone_ inside_ the box.

And that was also the day I decided that this is one of those stories.

**Thank you for reading this last chapter.**

**There will be an epilogue to follow. **

**I'm sure I could have written at least twenty more chapters, starring these two, but the story that I wanted to tell was their's - just getting them together. We'll get a glimpse into the future soon!**

**And keep this on alert. I plan to add outtakes to this. **

**Oh, and please don't hate on me. I'm getting enough abuse as it is from cyber trolls on this site...and...(hangs head) Maybe that's a huge part of the reason I am trying to wrap up my WIPs. However, if you feel the need... (gestures for you to continue) With a heavy heart, all I aim to do is finish up my open stories, and then I can rest easier, knowing that they're complete for you guys, just in case these fics were to disappear - not by my choice, of course. **

**Thank you!**

**** The Poem that Bella said for Edward** Falling in Love by Frieda Martinez**


End file.
